


ADVANCED GUIDE TO CARING FOR MAGICAL BOYS

by almostmanaged



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Slow Burn, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:13:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 60,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23827405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almostmanaged/pseuds/almostmanaged
Summary: The Marauders enter into their 6th year at Hogwarts. Hormones are running wild. Remus is tall now and Sirius has long hair. Their friends roll eyes and exchange looks more and more frequently.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 108
Kudos: 253





	1. The Hogwarts Express

“Moony!” A handsome sixteen year old boy bellowed over the crowd of students and parents, moments after having walked through the magical barrier dividing Platforms Nine and Ten.

Remus’ eyes spotted his friend and he gently freed himself from his mum’s embrace. Sirius was sprinting - as much as he could in the midst of a sea of people - towards him, followed by another one of their friends and his parents - the Potters. 

Remus couldn’t help but feel a little twinge of jealousy in the pit of his stomach - this had been the first summer since Sirius ran away from his family home (if you could call it that) and he had spent it living with the Potters. True, Remus was happy that Sirius was accepted by James’ parents as their own son. If anyone deserved a loving family and a welcoming home - it was him. But Remus had spent many summer days and nights fantasising about what it would have been like if his own folks would have taken Sirius in. About how he’d have had his friend to keep him company during full moon and make light hearted jokes the next morning... 

Not that that was the only reason - but it certainly was a big one. Ever since his friends miraculously, finally, managed to become animagi in the beginning of the previous school year, Remus’ monthly transformations had become a hundredfold better. Sirius, James, and Peter even managed to make them sound like something to look forward to - or tried their very best, anyway. 

And then there was that other reason for Remus’ jealousy - one that he could barely face even in the privacy of his own thoughts. 

“Alright, Remus?” James patted him on the back and moved on to greet Mrs Lupin (Mr Lupin had gotten called to work that morning unexpectedly). 

For a moment, a mini chaos broke out amongst their group as everyone was saying hello and sharing snippets of their summer stories with each other. It grew a little louder still when Peter and his mother showed up, too. And all the while, Remus was stealing glances at Sirius - his black, shiny hair had gotten longer over the past couple of months and was gracefully cascading down around his face. He’d always been the best looking out of the four of them - everyone knew, or rather agreed, with that. But seeing him now, after the summer break, everything about his handsome features seemed to be amplified. He looked a bit tanned too, somehow making his pale grey eyes shine brighter than usual. Or maybe that was to be attributed to him no longer living at 12 Grimmauld Place. Either way, Remus cursed himself for looking at his friend like that. 

He couldn’t pinpoint when it happened exactly, but by the end of their fourth year, Sirius was no longer just his mate. Something had changed, and Remus felt like he was in the wrong for merely having these feelings, but he couldn’t do anything other than ignore them. And so he did. 

“You okay, Moony?” Sirius nudged his shoulder with his own, some five minutes later as they followed James and Peter onto the train.

“Yeah. Are you?” Remus quickly shook off all those thoughts mulling around in his head and shot his friend a cheeky smirk.

“If you’re already thinking about classes and books and homework, I swear… We’re not even at Hogwarts yet!”

“Who cares about classes, books, and homework?” James said airily as he led the way into an empty compartment. “Let’s talk about Apparition!”

“I forgot, we qualify for Apparition classes and exam this year!” Peter clapped his hands together excitedly. “Although, I doubt I’ll pass it the first time around…”

A comical silence stretched as Peter’s three friends all exchanged politely surprised looks, as if they had rehearsed this exact moment before. They all took seats right as the train gave an excited jerk. 

“Peter, you’re an animagus,” Remus finally said in a low voice, not so much for fear of being overheard as to make his point more efficiently. “A sixteen year old animagus.”

“Yeas, but apparition is diff--”

“Matter of fact, you became one at barely fifteen,” James clarified.

“Yes, but--”

“You know many fifteen year old animagi, do you?”

“Ha! But--”

“They’ve got a point, you know,” Sirius added, gazing down at his left hand, looking only mildly interested. “You know how some Muggle-born girls dye their nails different colours?”

“Y-yes?” Peter frowned, while James quickly said ‘yeah, Lily always has her’s either green or yellow!’ at the same time.

“I kind of get it,” Serious said more so to himself than to others. “Listen, Wormtail, you’ll do bloody brilliantly. We’ll all be Apparating left, right, and center halfway through the second term.”

“You can’t Apparate or Disapparate inside Hogwarts,” Remums drawled as he opened one of his mum’s Muggle books he’d been reading for the past few days.

“You don’t always have to rub that sexy brain of yours into our faces, Moony,” Sirius smirked at him, hoisting himself up to stretch out across the seats, his back leaned against the wall and legs draped across Remus’ lap.

Remus couldn’t fight off a big grin stretching across his face as he looked adamantly down, straight through his book. “You know it’s common knowledge, don’t you? You don’t have to be that smart to remember it.”

“Ever so humble.”

The four boys fell into a comfortable silence, each one of them preoccupied with their thing, whether it was reading or fiddling with a Remus’ portable 8-Track player, as James was doing. Lupin had introduced it to his three pureblood friends the previous September, and it had become something of a staple in the days, weeks, and months spent together. 

Remus couldn’t focus on the word speckled pages in front of him anymore; instead, he was thinking about how it was going to be full moon in just a week. He almost said it out loud, but then stopped himself abruptly. He decided to savour the moment when he didn’t have to see the flicker of pity in his friends’ eyes. Yes, they were always encouraging and ready to be there for him - not to mention, still excited about their new-found skill of turning into animals at will - but it was almost more so Remus’ suffering that came the following day that they all dreaded. That part, none of his friends could really help him with. No matter the amount of food smuggled in from the kitchen, or jokes made at everyone’s, but his, expense. He couldn hardly hide the pain he was in for a few days following the full moon, and he didn’t want to bring any of that up before he really had to. So he didn’t say anything, and they spent the rest of the train ride listening to Elton John, playing exploding cards, stuffing themselves full of snacks from the lunch trolley, and laughing, a lot.


	2. Falling Out and Crushing

“Did anyone else notice that Snivellus hasn’t been hanging around Evans all the time lately?” James plopped down into a seat at the Gryffindor table at lunch, halfway through their first week back at Hogwarts.

“They don’t even sit together at Potions anymore,” Peter added. 

“In fact, it appears that they try to sit as far away from each other as physically possible without leaving the classroom.” James’ eyes gleamed with mischievous excitement.

“That’s all very well, but if you haven’t noticed, Evans did not reject you three hundred times because of Snivellus. She’s just not into you,” Sirius shrugged.

“Yes, she is. She just doesn’t realise it yet.”

“Bordering on creepy a bit there, James,” Remus mumbled without tearing his eyes off his copy of The Standard Book of Spells that he had propped against a jug of pumpkin juice.

“I think you meant _romantic_ , Moons.”

“No, I think I meant _creepy_ ,” Remus replied happily. “Either way, I’d have to disagree with SIrius this time - this turn of events might, in fact, lend itself to helping you woo her. I happened to overhear her talking to her friends after Care of Magical Creatures. She was telling them she’d first go out with that vile James Potter before making up with Snape. Apparently, they fell out at the end of last year and it sounded like she categorically rejected his only attempt at making amends over the summer.”

James goggled at Remus with a half chewed mouthful of food, then quickly swallowed with some difficulty, and frowned. “Why am I only hearing this now!?” 

“I haven’t seen you since I found out… I’ll send an owl next time.”

“This changes everything…” A strange, dreamy yet still mischievous smile returned to James’ face and he spent the rest of lunch not contributing to the group’s conversation much.

“Moony,” Sirius sat up and turned his whole body towards his friend. “How do you always know about these things?”

“I’m in the right place at the right time a lot. It’s easy when people don’t really notice you.”

“What are you talking about? Who doesn’t notice you?”

“Nothing…” Remus waved him off. He didn’t feel like diving into a tirade about how he feels invisible most of the time, and the rest - people just gape at his scars as though he’s some grotesque old antique collecting dust at Borgin and Burkes. He wasn’t even sure why he started thinking about that now.

“I think I’m going to ask Lydia Rooks out,” Peter said vaguely, gazing at a dark haired Hufflepuff girl across the Great Hall.

“Good for you!” Sirius patted his friend on the back, causing him to spill juice down his front. “Oh, sorry. You can’t really see it, she won’t notice,” he added, inspecting the damage done.

“Wh-- Oh, I’m not doing it now!”

“Why not?”

“There’s people around! What if she says no?” Peter gaped at Sirius and then at the girl again.

“I don’t know...you walk back here?” Sirius offered, sounding confused as to why that was a concern for Peter.

“Have you ever been rejected in front of the entire school and then had to walk back to your seat? Again, in front of the entire school?”

“Hm. Nope, not that I can remember.”

“Yeah, didn’t think so...”

Remus didn’t really hear the rest of that conversation because his thoughts were hurtling down a memory lane filled with all the girls Sirius had ever asked out or been asked out by. For a fleeting moment, he’d wished he could like girls too, instead of boys, not to mention - one of his best friends. But then he had to admit to himself that just that thought alone felt wrong and weird. Almost as wrong and weird as his actual experiences with girls.

“Are you okay, Moony?”

“Huh?” Remus lifted his eyes to Sirius’ face.

“You’re scowling. Is the school year already taking a toll on your pretty face?”

Remus rolled his eyes, now feeling a little annoyed. He thought it was a bit of a low blow, but of course, he knew Sirius didn’t mean anything by it. Either way, what did it matter whether he was pretty or not, there were more important things in life. Or so Remus tried to convince himself...

“What do we have now?” Peter asked just as they were getting up from the Gryffindor table.

“You two,” Remus indicated him and James. “Have some free time to catch up on your homework. While me and - miraculously - SIrius are off to History of Magic.”

“Miraculously? What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I suppose I never realised you harboured a secret passion for listening to Binns for forty-five minutes to an hour and a half at a time.”

* * *

This was the third History of Magic lesson of the term that professor Binns began with the same spiel about the grave importance of their N.E.W.T.’s; Sirius was pretending to listen, holding up his head in his hand, but his mind was completely elsewhere. In fact, his mind kept wandering to the same thing, over and over again, since the morning at King’s Cross station…. 

How come Remus was five or six inches taller than him all of a sudden? And why did Sirius kind of like that? And how come his long, freckled arms were so nice to look at? And why did his voice sound so mesmerising? It’s as if Remus spent the summer drinking some kind of a potion that turned him from one of Sirius’ best friends into a beautiful, enigmatic creature that Black could not ignore, no matter how much he tried. 

As a matter of fact, he didn’t try to ignore Remus at all. Quite the contrary, he was giving in to this new-risen curiosity. He was comparing how he saw James and Peter, his best mates, to the giddy happiness he felt when he was around Remus. And, frankly, it didn’t take a genius to deduct that Sirius had a crush on his friend. Just as he formulated this thought in his head, he glanced around the classroom, as if to make sure that no one was watching him, reading his mind. Then he leaned back in his chair, balancing it on two hind legs, his gaze landing on Remus’ concentrated profile. Yeah, he’d had enough experience with these sort of things to know it - he had a crush on his friend.

SIrius was notorious for developing crushes in seconds, sometimes multiple times a day even. He’d snog a girl one day and then go out with her best friend the next week, and the truth was that he genuinely liked them all. It wasn’t a game, as some of his previous romances had accused him of. But he was having loads of fun and enjoying himself immensely. He’d just never had a crush on a boy, which made it all the more exciting.

“Well, well, well…” He mumbled under his breath, wondering what changed about Moony to make him so attractive out of the blue. Perhaps it wasn’t completely out of the blue; naturally, he’d always felt a certain kind of love and admiration towards his friend...

“Huh?” Remus cast him a distracted glance but then took a double take. “What?”

“What?”

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Have you been going out with anyone this summer?” SIrius blurted out without thinking.

“No…”

“Hm. Didn’t think so. You would have mentioned it in your letters. You seem the type.”

“Excuse me, what type?” Remus snorted.

“The swooning type.”

“I am not the swooning type!” Remus whispered loudly, causing a few people to glance around in confusion. “What in Merlin’s beard are you talking about?”

“Have your eyes always been this green?” As soon as the words left Sirius’ mouth, he sobered and landed his chair on all four legs. He flashed a quick grin at Remus, who seemed to still be trying to figure out what was going on, and pointedly turned to look at professor Binns.

He shouldn’t be doing this. This is his friend Remus. Moony. He’s not a random girl from one of the other houses, or a pretty Muggle next door. This is Moony. Sirius can’t be so flippant about it...or else, it would result in a friendship-destroying disaster.

And anyway, not like Moony ever showed any interest in him, or any other boy. This was similar to all the other crushes SIrius had had, but also very different - it was highly unlikely to ever turn into anything. Perhaps Sirius just needed to wait it out, become interested in someone else (as he always eventually did), and move on.

But his thoughts refused to move on from the topic for the rest of the lesson. Remus had never been girl-crazy, as long as they’d known each other. He’d been on a few dates here and there, but he was never the one initiating them. Sirius had always assumed that his friend was just really picky, but maybe that wasn’t it. Maybe the problem resulting in a series of mediocre first dates was the fact that… No, it couldn’t be it. Maybe it was just that Remus was such a poised, controlled person - maybe he simply didn’t care for something as reckless and trivial as teenage emotions and urges. But maybe…


	3. Lily, Lupin, and Lilacs

Remus made his way to the sixth floor all by himself before Ancient Runes lesson. He’d spent breakfast being entertained by Peter, who had turned into a rat to freak out some first years by going for a swim in their cereal bowls. The performance was cut short though when they noticed a couple of teachers eyeing them from across the Great Hall. James leapt to his feet, grabbed Wormtail, and hurried out of there, yelling something about his ‘poorly behaved pet’.

The lesson had been going on for nearly five minutes when the classroom door flew open and a very flustered Lily Evans burst in, muttering apologies and something about having overslept and how it had never happened before. She went for the nearest seat, which happened to be right next to Remus, and pulled out her things very slowly, trying not to make any more sounds.

Professor Argyle stared at her blankly for a moment and Remus was sure Gryffindor was about to lose ten points, but instead… “Make sure you go to bed at a reasonable time tonight, Miss Evans. Mr. Lupin, could you kindly share your notes with Miss Evans…” And she proceeded to teach the class.

Remus pushed his notes closer to Lily so she could copy the five or six sentences they had been instructed to copy by professor Argyle. “Thanks,” she whispered, scribbling frantically.

About halfway through the lesson, Remus started hearing a strange muffled gurgling sound. The classroom was filled with the scratching of quills on parchment, so it took him a couple of minutes to realise that it was Lily’s stomach that was growling greedily. “Hungry?” He whispered, stifling a laugh.

“Hmpf… I can’t even concentrate on this. Is that ‘leech’ or ‘cockroach’?” She squinted at a rune in a paragraph they had been instructed to translate.

“Leech,” Remus whispered and bent over to retrieve something from his bag. “Here.” He pushed half a bar of chocolate across the desk. “Also, I have no doubt that you know this, but that should be ‘lake’, not ‘puddle’.”

Lily seemed to be taken aback briefly, but then she gave him a genuine smile and breathed ‘thanks, Remus,’ before breaking off a piece and shoving it in her mouth. They had always been friendly with each other. Incidentally, only when James wasn’t around. Or Snape, for that matter. And now that September was drawing to a close, they had started exchanging little interactions here and there more frequently. It was only natural, since some of the classes they had both picked up for their sixth year only had small handfuls of students, none of whom were James or Snape.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be late for class,” Remus whispered brightly, watching Lily eat the last crumbs of his chocolate, even licking little specks off her fingers once it was all gone.

“I don’t think I’ve ever _been_ late. I just had so much homework yesterday and it got so late and… I need to revisit my homework planner.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long month…”

Just then, the bell rang throughout the castle, announcing the end of the lesson. Both Gryffindors started packing their things and Lily was the first to reach the door while Remus was still fiddling with the zipper of his bag. 

“Well?” He heard her say and looked up to see her waiting for him in the doorway. “Let’s go, I don’t want to be late again!” And they left the classroom together to head to a double Care of Magical Creatures lesson.

* * *

Sirius was eyeing Remus, who was curled up in one of the armchairs with a thick, dusty book. Black had just made himself comfortable in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room. James was servicing his broomstick in anticipation of the upcoming Quidditch season, and Peter was still working on his Potions essay (James’ freshly finished one lying in front of him). It was one of the quieter evenings, the likes of which occurred more frequently since they had started their sixth year.

It had been a whole month since the beginning of term; a whole month since Sirius was reunited with Moony. A whole month since he had been having these new, curious feelings for him. He kept telling himself that it would go away eventually, but there was a part of him that didn’t particularly care for that to happen. He had spent a whole month relentlessly staring at Moony and he could not think of anyone or anything more beautiful, and he had never thought that about anyone for a whole month straight.

He had always liked Moony’s scars; not the pain that they were born out of, of course. But he always liked the way that they looked, as if counteracting how much Remus himself hated them. Sirius remembered the first time he heard his friend call them ugly, back in their second year, and he couldn’t believe his ears. He thought they looked cool; they bore witness of Remus’ strength and resilience. But now he thought they were beautiful -- maybe he had always thought them beautiful?

Throughout the past month, Sirius had been catching himself wanting to wrap his arms around Moony at the most random moments. Or hold his hand. Or kiss him. And then he’d wonder if he would realistically ever be able to do that. He wanted it all to go away, but he also...didn’t. Deep down, more so than that, he wanted to know if there was any chance at all that Moony could like him back. So far, his inventory of clues was that Remus wasn’t girl-crazy, but that could have easily been attributed to him being a bit of a bookworm. A lot of a bookworm.

But then, there was this vague feeling, which Sirius couldn’t put into words, that him and Moony had always had a different kind of...chemistry; different from him and Prongs or him and Wormtail. If only there had been a way to explore that without putting their friendship at risk...

All of a sudden, Sirius’ whole body perked up with a brilliant idea, and before he could question its brilliance further, the words slipped out of his mouth. 

“You guys know I’m bisexual, right?” Sirius’ eyes lingered on Remus for just a moment longer before he casually looked down to inspect his fingernails. 

“Er...you’re what?” James looked at him puzzled, as if he’d just been woken up from a nap. 

“Bisexual, Prongs,” the Black replied with an exaggerated sigh. “Means I swing both ways.”

“And...have you?” Peter asked with some kind of a mixture of awe and confusion. 

“Have I what?”

“Snogged a boy?”

“Not yet.” Sirius’ gaze flickered over to Remus for a split second; the werewolf was still adamantly staring at his book but Sirius could see that his eyes were fixated on a single spot on the page. 

“How do you know then?” Peter asked and James shuffled his stare from him back to Sirius. 

“How do people know they’re straight before they get to snog anyone? Or how does Prongs know he wants to spend the rest of his life making sweet love to Evans without having so much as accidentally bumped elbows with her?”

It seemed to take a second for James to register the answer but then he shrugged and nodded. “Fair enough.”

“So… Has anyone in particular caught your eye?” Peter asked and Sirius restrained himself from looking at Remus.

“Nope, no one in particular.”

For a little while, no one said anything, blankly staring at one another as if confunded. Then, Peter went back to his potions essay and James resumed polishing his broom handle. 

“So?” Sirius’ voice was tinged with annoyance now. 

“So what?” James asked without looking up. 

“You lot okay with that? Any thoughts? Feedback? Anything?”

“‘Course we are okay with it!” Peter affirmed. 

“Now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense,” James mumbles casually, and Sirius was about to inquire further about that statement, but then he realised that Remus was still frozen in the same position, still pretending to read the same page. 

“Moony?”

“What?” He answered rather quickly. 

“Any thoughts?”

“Of course I am okay with it, Sirius,” he punctuated his irritated response by closing his book with a thud. 

“Sorry we’re not more shocked, mate,” James shrugged. 

* * *

James did his best to keep his focus on professor Slughorn, but his gaze would inadvertently land on the side of Lily Evans’ face time and time again during that day’s Potions lesson. And then, once in a while, he’d look over at Snape; he couldn’t help but wonder why Lily and him weren’t friends anymore. He was happy about it, no doubt; but curious nonetheless.

Even with those distractions, James had to admit that it was an interesting lesson. Slughorn was telling them about the strongest love potion in the world, _Amortentia_. There was a whole couldronfull of it and James was quite aware of the fact that everyone in the classroom was leaning forward ever so slightly, trying to get closer to its intoxicating scent (which, apparently, smelled of different things to every single person).

A couple of the students jumped in their seats at the sound of a loud knock on the door. Slughorn stared at it for a second and then shuffled over to open it. James looked over at Peter and both grinned when they heard the sound of Sirius’ voice.

“Sorry, sir. Professor McGonagall sent me to get Potter. It’s about Quidditch…”

“Right now? In the middle of the lesson?”

“You know how she gets just before the season starts, sir,” Sirius’ voice carried a note of very well faked innocence.

“Ah yes, I daresay, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of Minerva and the Quidditch cup…” Slughorn wheezed and then mumbled something about ‘insufferable’ and ‘fury’. “Very well then, just make sure to get today’s notes from one of your friends, James.”

James scrambled to his feet, shoved all his stuff in his bag, and rushed out of the classroom. They had done this sort of thing so many times, and had planned so many different, slight variations of it, that he wasn’t worried about getting caught at all anymore. He grinned at Sirius and both started down the corridor, to wait around the corner. If James wasn’t much mistaken, Peter was about to use one of those fake blood capsules from Muggle jokes shops that Remus had introduced them to a while ago. 

Sure enough, no more than five minutes later, Peter appeared with red paint down his front. The brilliance of this particular trick was that Slughorn tried to magic Wormtail’s supposed nosebleed away, but since his nose wasn’t really bleeding, the spell didn’t do anything. Pretty quickly, Slughorn gave up and sent Peter to the hospital wing.

“Why did it smell like coffee, lilacs, and Moony in there?” 

There was a second’s pause and then James turned to Peter, shock and curiosity mirrored in his face too.

“What?” Sirius lifted his hands in a brief shrug when his two friends exchanged very eloquent and very obvious looks. Then he explained rather proudly: “I’ve been able to pick up even the most subtle scents a lot more since I’ve started casually transforming into a massive black dog. Was Remus here already to get you out of Potions?”

James, and by the looks of it, Peter too, knew that the cauldron full of _Amortentia_ was seated nearest to the door, and the only scent that Sirius could have possibly been picking up was that. And it smelled like Moony to him.

“No er…” James shook his head as if waking up from some kind of a trance. “Yeah, Merlin’s beard, that’s incredible! That you can smell things like a bloody dog now!”

“Yeah… Completely!” Peter agreed. “Incredible!”

“Come on, you must have noticed things like that too since last year?” Sirius shrugged again and his two friends exchanged looks, again. “Anywho,” he rolled his eyes, probably thinking that they were trying to mess with him. “Shall we make a quick stop at the kitchen?”


	4. Remus' Secret

It had been a couple of weeks since Sirius had come out to his friends, but Moony still hadn’t flung himself into his arms, confessing unbridled attraction. If anything, he seemed more distant now. Almost as distant as he used to get every month before Sirius, James, and Peter found out about his furry little secret. They did have quite different schedules this year that sometimes caused them to not run into each other for half a day, but Remus’ strange coldness seemed to go beyond that.

Sirius was starting to feel a little hurt, thinking that maybe Remus wasn’t as okay with him being bisexual as he claimed, so he confronted him about it one evening in the common room. It turned out to be a rather anticlimactic exchange since Remus assured him, quite convincingly, that it was completely ridiculous of Sirius to even think that. He said he was simply tired all the time since they had come back to Hogwarts and then made some stupid joke about being ready for death to take him.

This particular evening he seemed perfectly energised and happy while doing homework with Evans in the corner of the common room. Sirius was sitting in one of the prime armchairs in front of the fireplace with James and Peter, and if he hadn’t been so preoccupied with repeatedly stealing glances at Moony and Evans, he would have seen that James was doing the same thing.

“Since when is Moony such good friends with Evans?” Peter unknowingly voiced what they were all thinking when the sound of Remus and Lily’s laughter filled the room momentarily.

“Nerd solidarity, I suppose,” Sirius mumbled, watching Remus push the sleeves of his jumper up, seemingly oblivious to how unexpectedly attractive that was. 

“I never realised Ancient Runes homework was that much fun,” James mumbled, pouting slightly.

“Are you jealous, Prongs?” Sirius asked, a tickled grin spreading across his face.

“Aw, he is! Prongs is jealous!” Cackled Peter.

Just then, Remus walked over to them, still beaming. “Prongs is…” He glanced back at Lily over his shoulder. “Prongs is jealous?”

“No, I’m not,” James folded his arms over his chest, which didn’t help make his statement any more convincing.

“How curious,” Remus said brightly and made himself comfortable on the couch next to Peter while Sirius draped himself across the armchair, his head hanging off the side.

“D’you know what? I’m jealous too.” He looked over at Remus with a smirk.

“That’s messed up, Sirius. Lily’s the mother of James’ future children.”

“Who said anything about Evans?” Sirius locked eyes with Remus, that same smile still playing on his lips. For a second, Black thought he saw Moony blush, but he couldn’t tell whether it was just the flickering fire light playing tricks. Moony scrunched his eyebrows and turned away to point at the notice board.

“Did you lot see that? Hogsmeade dates have been posted.”

“Yeah, first one’s in a couple of weeks.” Peter nodded. “I’ve thought about this, and I think the best thing for me to do is ask Lydia if she wants to meet up in Three Broomsticks. Then she won’t feel like she has to spend the whole day with me...but if she wanted to, she could.”

“Wormtail.” Sirius impatiently propped himself back up. “Why _wouldn’t_ she want to spend the day with you? You need to have more confidence, mate.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“No, it’s not. You think it was easy for me to listen to my dear mother list all the ways in which I’m a disappointment for years?”

“I didn’t mean--”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just saying, you can’t please everyone, but you can’t let that get to you. Lydia seems pretty interested in you, and even if it doesn’t work out in the end, well...c'est la vie,” Sirius ended his little pep talk with a shrug and Peter went back to his essay, looking slightly more bewildered than before.

“Anyway,” Remus enunciated slowly. “Perfect timing, I have just about enough chocolate to last me two weeks.”

* * *

The heavy clouds above the castle seemed to be turning a darker shade of grey every day, and the sixth years were becoming more and more stressed with every lesson. Now that Remus had positively become friends with Lily Evans, he was thanking his lucky stars for it. He strongly suspected he might have lost his mind without someone to do Ancient Runes homework with.

He also noticed that Lily didn’t mind being in James’ immediate vicinity as much anymore, and James in turn had halted his incessant hitting on her for the time being. Remus had also noticed that Sirius hadn’t been spotted snogging or asking anyone out in quite a while; in fact, it hadn’t happened once since the beginning of term. He couldn’t help but harbour a secret hope that it would go on indefinitely and then he wouldn’t have to pretend that seeing Sirius with someone else didn’t bother him.

Although realistically, he didn’t really count on that. Especially since Sirius had come out about being bisexual. That just meant that now Sirius could choose out of twice the amount of people who were more attractive than his boring old friend.

Still, Remus could not refrain from coming up with imaginary scenarios in his head, in which Sirius would ask him out or confess his feelings for him, or kiss him… Initially, completely against his own will, Remus let his hopes go up just a tiny bit (that’s when the daydreaming started in full force), so he started avoiding Padfoot as a means of self preservation. That hadn’t lasted very long though, because Sirius interpreted that as Remus having a problem with him and confronted him about it...

This particular morning, a few days before the Hogsmeade trip, saw the castle brutally whipped by ice-cold rain. It was looking like their Saturday was going to be spent sipping butterbeer indoors instead of wandering around the village.

“You’ve got jam on your face, did you know?” Sirius grabbed a napkin without missing a beat, leaned over the breakfast-laden table, and dabbed the corner of Remus’ mouth. “There you go, skip along now, my love.”

Remus, who had just announced that he needed to leave to make it to Ancient Runes on time, felt his ears go ablaze, the colour spreading to his cheeks. He wasn’t sure why it startled him so much. Surely, Sirius would have done the same to either James or Peter, wouldn’t he have? That was just how he was. “Right,” Remus cleared his throat, gathering his composure. “I’ll see you lot at lunch then.” 

“Wait up, Lupin!” Lily caught up with him in the middle of the entrance hall. “So I’ve noticed…” She began brightly, yet hesitantly but then trailed off. “Are...are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, what do you mean…” Remus tried to sound normal, very aware that he was still blushing. “What have you noticed?”

“Nothing. How did you get on with the Einang stone essay?”

They talked about their homework all the way to the sixth floor, but Remus couldn’t shake off the feeling that Lily was going to say something about the scene at breakfast. He wasn’t even sure that Peter and James had noticed it, but he had gathered by now that Lily was a lot more perceptive than most people. Plus, she kept giving him strange looks all throughout the Ancient Runes lesson and then it continued on the very windy grounds (it had stopped raining), during Care of Magical Creatures. 

“Obviously, you don’t need to answer if you don’t want to, but...” Lily began, her voice ever so gentle, while they were making detailed sketches of fwoopers with notes about all their magical properties. “But can I ask you something personal?”

“You can ask, yes.”

“Do you like boys?”

Remus stared at her with a mixture of surprise and horror, until he felt a sharp pain in his hand - he had squeezed the little bird he was using for reference so tightly that it pecked at his flesh angrily. “Why-- Why do you ask?” He tried to sound politely surprised as he shook his hand in the air.

“Please don’t get upset with me,” Lily was gazing at him tentatively with her brow furrowed now. “I’ve noticed a while ago now, sometime last year… And then lately, since you and I... I couldn’t help it, really. I’ve seen the way you look at him, when you think that no one’s watching…”

Remus felt a strange mixture of his heart sinking and feelight lighter all at once. Now that someone else knew, it felt like that would make it easier to carry this secret around, somehow. He blankly stared at his half finished sketch for a moment before speaking in a low, determined voice. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“You have my word.”

“Not that it matters anyway,” he added before he could stop himself.

“How do you mean? Is it because you’ve been friends for so long?”

“Well that too, but… I mean, look at me,” he laughed out uncomfortably rather with a roll of his eyes. 

“Yes, I am…?”

“I’m about as exciting as Binns’ lessons, with a sweet bonus of ugly scars.”

Remus was surprised by how open he was with Lily. Curiously, it was really easy to talk to her about it. He’d shared so many secrets, confessions, and pains with his three friends, that sometimes he felt like he had maxed out, like he didn’t want to trouble them with any more of his problems. But it was different with Lily, perhaps because they were just becoming friends.

“I don’t think that about you at all, if you care to know,” she informed him, a strange spark lighting up her eyes. “I’ve grown to like you a lot lately and I can objectively say that you are tenfold better than what you seem to think about yourself.”

“You’re only saying that because you thought my friends and I were enormous pricks for years,” Remus smirked at her, feeling his heart grow to twice its size in his chest. “That’s a low bar.”

“ _Thought_?” Lily grinned devilishly, making them both laugh. “Seriously, the more I’m getting to know you, the more I feel like maybe your friends can’t be all that awful after all. You are a beautiful person, Remus. You are!” She added when he rolled his eyes again. 

“Sure, Evans.”

“I’ve heard he’s into boys too.” Lily ignored Lupin’s retort and then her face split into an excited smile. 

Remus rolled his eyes once more… And yet, he couldn’t help but feel happier and lighter for the rest of the day, even when it started raining again towards the end of Cary of Magical Creatures.


	5. Dreaming of Hogsmeade

During the couple of days leading up to Hogsmeade Saturday, James, Remus, and Peter had been talking about Sirius’ birthday whenever he wasn’t around to overhear them. They had decided to throw him a huge surprise party in the Gryffindor common room since he was turning seventeen and they knew that there was no better gift that they could give him than a whole bunch of people celebrating his existence. 

They had put up a charmed poster on the notice board, letting other Gryffindors know about it (if Sirius ever looked at it, it appeared to be a Wizard Card Collectors' Club poster; Remus had also added ‘anyone who tries to talk to Sirius about this SURPRISE party will instantly break out in most painful boils’, which was completely untrue, only because he couldn’t find a jinx like that).

The three boys had been planning on smuggling in some Fire Whiskey and butterbeer, which they were going to pick up in Hogsmeade. So far, it was looking like Peter would be in charge of that, since he was going to spend the day apart from the rest of them anyway, so James had given him his invisibility cloak to hide the contraband from Filch. 

James and Peter, who had just climbed in through the portrait hole after their last lesson that Friday, joined Remus and Sirius in front of the fire. “Nice weather, eh?” James nodded his head towards the tall, narrow windows being mercilessly lashed by the rainstorm. 

“Better put an _Impervius_ charm on that impeccable mess of a hairdo tomorrow,” Remus quipped lazily. 

“So about that,” James started loudly and nonchalantly. “I can’t go, I have detention.”

“What? Since when?” Remus gaped at him while Sirius murmured ‘nice’ with an approving bob of his head. 

“Prongs here tried to jinx Snivellus in the middle of Potions today,” Peter answered and Sirius gave him another ‘niceee’.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Remus rolled his eyes. 

“It’s not my fault Snape always has to poke his annoying nose into other people’s business!”

“What, did he overhear one of your ludicrous attempts at asking Lily out?” Remus drawled, straight-faced, and Sirius barked out a laugh before catching James’ eye and pretending to cough immediately. “Why did you even keep Potions this year? Not like you really need it?”

“But _Evans_ , obviously,” Sirius explained cheerfully. “The rather more mind boggling question here is why Wormtail still has Potions?”

“Better than history of magic,” the boy shrugged. 

“Fair enough.”

“Speaking of Potions, you mind picking up some newt spleens for me? I used all of the ones I had to mess up Snape’s potion last week.”

“Sure. Well I guess it’s just the three of us then,” Sirius looked at Peter and Remus.

“No! I’m meeting Lydia Rooks at Three Broomsticks, remember?”

“Oh that’s right, how very sweet. We can go chaperone them, Remus.”

“I’d really rather you didn’t,” Peter whined with a definite note of panic rising in his voice. “For once, just let me live.” 

“And go get a drink at Hog’s Head instead? Fat chance,” snarled Sirius. “I don’t much fancy running into half of my extended family.”

“How am I supposed to _have more confidence_ with you two sniggering behind my back!?”

“We don’t snigger!” Sirius exclaimed, apparently shocked by this accusation.

“You can go to Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop!”

“Madam Puddifoot's? That place is always packed to the brim with lovey dovey couples. Matter of fact, why aren’t you and Lydia going there?” Remus raised his eyebrows at his friend. 

“We’re not a lovey dovey couple...yet...”

“Nor Sirius and I,” Remus laughed out.

James could have sworn he heard Sirius mumble something that sounded a lot like ‘yet’, ever so quietly. 

“Please don’t ruin this for me,” Peter looked from one of the boys to the other. 

“Fine,” Remus sighed. “Maybe it will stop raining and we won’t have to be cooped up in there, listening to the smacking and slurping of people sucking each other’s faces.”

“You’re acting like it’s the end of the world,” Sirius momentarily scrunched his eyebrows with an ever present smile playing on his lips. “Cheer up, Moony! We’re going to have a splendid time!” He grabbed Remus’ hand with both of his and clumsily interlaced their fingers, now grinning at him. 

Neither him, nor Remus noticed their two friends exchange looks. 

* * *

“Look, that’s new!” Sirius pointed at the front of a pub a little ways down the road; he knew every square inch of Hogsmeade like the back of his hand, but he’d never seen this place. “Let’s check it out, shall we?”

“I’ve heard about this place. That’s where all the couples go,” Moony said vaguely and led the way.

It was indeed a pub but the inside of it looked eerily a lot like Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop. They found themselves a booth with a little table by the window, where they had a surprisingly good view of the main street of the village bathed in sunlight.

Sirius didn’t even notice a waiter approach them but within moments, there were two bottles of butterbeer on their table. “Sirius…” Moony’s breath caught.

“Yes?”

“I…” Remus paused again and rested both of his forearms on the table, almost as if reaching for him. “I wanted to tell you something…”

“Do I have food in my teeth?”

“What? No… I’m glad that James and Peter couldn’t come with us.”

“Oh?” Sirius felt his heart speed up. “How come?”

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Moony smiled at him, jumping up, and switched seats so that now, instead of sitting across the table from Sirius, they were side by side.

“I’m afraid I’ll need you to elaborate a bit more on this,” Sirius smirked.

“I like you, Sirius. Do I really have to spell it out?” Moony rolled his eyes in feigned annoyance, all while inching closer and closer.

“Fuck, Moony, I thought you’d never say it…” Sirius’ hand found Remus’ waist and pulled him even closer. He could smell him, sweet like chocolate; feel his breath on his own lips. There was just another inch left between them and Sirius pulled Moony into a kiss, unable to resist anymore. Just then, some loud, nondescript noise made him pull away and blink...into his pillow?

Sirius was in his four-poster bed, hugging his pillow. Someone had drawn his curtains open, which was probably the source of that loud noise. He blinked a few times until the two shapes moving in front of him came into focus - it was James and Peter.

“Why’d’you have to wake me?” Sirius grumbled groggily. “It was almost the best part of the dream…”

“What did you dream about?” Asked the subject of the dream himself, walking out of the bathroom, brushing his teeth.

For the briefest of moments, sleep still clinging to Sirius’ brain, he wanted to just come out and say it. “I was at a Queen concert…” He said instead, gazing at Remus with a giddy smile.

“Ugh, why did you wake him, Prongs?” Moony glared at James.

“Because I can’t find any fake blood capsules and I have detention in ten minutes!”

“I like your jumper,” Sirius tugged on Remus’ green sleeve on his way to the bathroom. “Is it new?”

“Is _anything_ I own, really?” Moony asked with a resigned smirk. “I bought it at a charity shop this summer.”

“Well, regardless, I like it.”

“I’ll know where it went when it goes missing from my trunk,” Remus said, referring to Sirius’ tendency to borrow his friends’ clothes without asking.

“Nah, I like it on you,” Black cast a hungry look at Remus through the open door.

Still relishing the memory of his dream, Sirius was in no need for improving his mood. But he grinned to himself even wider, remembering that it was going to be just him and Moony going to Hogsmeade together in a little bit. Not that he expected the dream to come true, but...what better way to spend a whole day? In fact, he had to admit, he was enjoying all this pining in a weird way. He didn’t even care that the weather was absolutely dreadful.

* * *

It was raining cats and dogs the whole way to the village, and by the time Remus and Sirius reached Honeydukes, they were completely drenched. Somehow, the charm they’d put on themselves, that was supposed to protect them against the pelt of icy drops, wore off halfway there. Remus took his time examining all the different flavoured and shaped chocolates, carefully weighing his options between tried and tested, and brand new ones. As usual, the shop was filled with Hogwarts students, some of whom were girls that, despite all the magical sweets surrounding them, only had eyes for Sirius (and now a couple of boys too, since the news of Sirius sexuality had spread throughout the school within hours).

Remus was trying to not pay too much attention to it; he had been doing that for over a year and there was no reason to change his tactics now. But, he noticed pretty soon, Sirius kept telling his flirty admirers that he needed to go help his friend, only to silently follow Lupin around as he worked his way through shelves and stacks of chocolate. _Very dog-like_ , Remus thought to himself with a small smile. But then he wondered if Sirius’ behaviour was linked to him running away from home. It seemed like that made sense - he had a lot going on in his life, maybe that’s why he’d slowed down with the flirting and the snogging since they’ve been back at Hogwarts. Sirius didn’t talk much about it at all, acting as though everything was fine, but Remus wondered if his friend was okay every now and then. 

After Honeydukes, they went to Zonko’s, where they spent another half hour, again surrounded by Hogwarts students. The last stop before they could hide out of the damp cold somewhere and hopefully wait for the rain to stop was J. Pippin’s Potions.

A little bell rang above the door as they walked in, causing the only customer in the shop to turn around.

“Snivellus,” Sirius nodded his head and Snape mumbled something in return that most definitely wasn’t a compliment. “What was that?” Sirius’ body leaned forward, either about to walk over to Snape or hex him, but Remus grabbed his forearm warningly. He was the first one to admit that he did a terrible job at stepping in and putting a stop to things like that, like any other prefects would have done. But it wasn’t for lack of understanding that he should have. And it was certainly easier to practice when it was just one of his troublemaker friends.

“Come on, we’re not on school grounds,” Sirius whined like a child asking for another scoop of ice cream.

“All the same, this git is not worth our time or energy.”

“Better listen to your boyfriend, Black.” Snape sneered, noticing Remus’ movement. “Nasty-tempered monsters, these werewolves.”

This time, Remus distinctly felt Sirius plunge his hand into his wand pocket and squeezed his arm again, a little rougher this time. “Bog off, Snape,” Lupin scoffed at him, but all he could think about is that he had just referred to him as Sirius’ boyfriend. He felt embarrassed for thinking about it, what with the given context, and yet, he couldn’t help it.

“Is that what your parents said to you?” Snape was looking at Sirius again, evidently overcome by some sort of feelings of unfounded courage.

“Didn’t you hear what my werewolf boyfriend said? Bog off, Snivellus.”

“I’m just curious. I mean, that has to sting. When your own family can’t stand your ugly face so much, they kick you out before you’re even of age.”

“Shut the fuck up, Snivellus.” Remus enunciated calmly; before he knew it, he was standing right in front of Snape, the tip of his wand no more than an inch away from his greasy nose. And yet, his mind was dragging behind, stuck in the moment when Sirius referred to him as his boyfriend. Of course, contextually, it did not mean anything, but just hearing him say it made Moony giddy.

Before Snape could make up his mind about whether he really was willing to test his luck, the shopkeeper reappeared from the back room. “Oi! What in the name of Merlin is going on here?!”

“Just friendly banter,” Remus gave him a polite smile, putting his wand away. 

Snape paid for his stuff and scrambled out of the shop faster than you could say Quidditch. Sirius and Remus got James’ supplies and, as soon as they stepped out into the pouring rain, decided it was time for Madam Puddifoot’s. All the while, once the ‘boyfriend’ induced daze wore off, Remus was thinking about Sirius’ predicament with his family. He knew that Sirius’ parents were rotten people, and Sirius had openly rejoiced about never having to go back to their home ever again at least ten times in the few letters they had exchanged over the summer. But Remus knew better than to assume that it was as simple as that.

Once they were out of the rain, sitting at a table, hot drinks in hand (black coffee in Sirius’ and green tea in Remus’), Moony decided that this was as good a time as any to check in on his friend. “Padfoot, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.” 

At these words, Sirius perked up with an alarmed look rearranging his face. “You have? About what?”

“Well, I know that you say you’re fine - and I am happy for you, I am - but I also know that given the choice, you’d rather be on speaking terms with your brother…” Remus trailed off, allowing Sirius to pick up where he left off.

“Oh. That. Yeah…”

“We haven’t really talked about it, and I guess I just want to make sure that you know that I’m here for you.”

“I know, Moony. You’re not wrong, I would choose to not have Regulus change direction whenever he sees me in the hallways. But it’s always been an uphill battle. He takes _pride_ in being his parents' son and getting tangled in all that Dark shit,” Sirius scrunched his nose, as if smelling something foul right under it. “They’re all like bowtruckles on doxy eggs, _they’re_ a family. And, to be honest, Mr. and Mrs. Potters’ house feels a hundred times more like a home to me than that dreadful place ever did. I’m not just saying it, I _am_ happy...er. Happier.” Sirius flashed him an eerily dog-like grin and Remus nodded.

“Good.”

“Have you got any other inquiries or is this the end of the interview?”

“Just one: why are you such an obnoxious prick?” Remus rolled his eyes with an involuntary smile.

“Don’t act like you don’t love my obnoxious prickness.”

“That wasn’t the question. Regardless, whenever you’re feeling less _happy...er_ , you don’t have to sulk by yourself. It’s very unbecoming.”

“Thanks, Moony.” Sirius grinned, an unbridled smile on his face. “So do they have any food here? I could eat a hippogriff!”

It never did stop raining and eventually, the two Marauders decided to head back to the castle. Given the weather, it was no surprise that more and more people were filing into the shop, so before Remus could lead the way out, he stopped by the door to let a little old lady walk inside first. A dirty white poodle, just as old as its owner, by the looks of it, was trailing behind her very slowly, swaying slightly. Unable to resist a mixture between pity and kinship, Remus bent down to give the dog a scratch behind its ear, and then finally dove out into the rain.

“You never pet _me_ when I’m a dog.”

Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius’ odd statement. “You never pet me when I’m a werewolf.”

“Kinky.”


	6. The Boggart or A Snake Wearing A Jumper

Remus was sitting on his unmade bed, doing D.A.D.A. homework. He had taken a nap and when he awoke, he decided that he couldn’t be arsed to go down to the common room. He was occasionally nibbling on some chocolate while ceaselessly scribbling on a roll of parchment.

The dormitory door flung open, but Remus didn’t look up until he finished a sentence he was in the middle of. Then, when he finally lifted his eyes, he saw a big, black dog leaping towards him. 

“Padfoot...what are you doing?” He mumbled as his friend landed on his bed, narrowly missing the unscrewed ink bottle that Remus had carefully positioned between the folds of his duvet. 

Some five minutes later, evidently growing bored, Sirius started chasing his tail, still on the bed. “Can you not…” Remus mumbled distractedly, extending his right leg while sitting on his left. Sirius settled down again. This time, he rested his furry head on Remus’ ankle.

“What?” Remus sighed out impatiently when he noticed that Padfoot was giving him both literal and figurative puppy dog eyes. Usually, that meant that Sirius either needed help with homework or had come up with some outrageous prank that he knew his friend would be skeptical about. “Just spit it out then…”

The big black dog perked up again with a resounding whine and flopped on his side, exposing his underbelly to Remus, who cast another glance at him before shaking his head and returning his attention to his homework.

Another few minutes later, Padfoot sat up, scratched behind his ear, and then tapped Remus’ shoulder with his massive paw.

“Do you have fleas? Is that what it is? It’s nothing to be ashamed of, there’s a simple spell for that.”

The dog gave out an agitated groan and draped himself across Remus’ torso; Moony just managed to grab his almost finished essay, but the ink bottle got tipped over, conjuring a big, dark, ever-growing stain on his sheets.

“Are you actually stuck like this or do you just enjoy driving me mental?” Remus rummaged around for his wand. “If you’re stuck being a dog, bark twice…and then get the fuck out of here.”

Padfoot merely wagged his tail, accidentally swatting the wand out of Remus’ hand so instead, he dragged it down his face slowly, shaking his head. “Don’t you think this is a bit…odd?” He gestured at himself trapped under the giant dog’s body; a body that, for all intents and purposes, was Sirius’ body.

Just then, James walked into the dormitory followed by Peter. They both froze for a second, their eyes registering Padfoot on top of Remus, then the big stain on the bed, and then Remus’ wand on the floor. “Ah, didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Please take him…” Remus sighed, pushing Padfoot off himself.

“Actually, I’m here for you,” James said while looking for something in his trunk. “I was wondering if you wanted to work on the Herbology homework together?”

“Sure.”

“In the library?” He added with a quick glance at the dog on the bed, and Remus took this to mean that they needed to discuss something to do with Sirius’ surprise party - the library was by far the best place to not get accidentally overheard by Black, who seemed to be allergic to the silent ambiance and the smell of books.

“I can’t believe you’ll pet a soggy ancient poodle you don’t even know, but you won’t pet me,” Sirius’ gasp was dripping with indignation as he sat on Remus’ bed cross-legged, back to his human form.

Remus, who was in the middle of pulling on a jumper, paused to squint at Sirius before opening his mouth. “A bit weird, this boy, isn’t he?”

“Very much so,” James answered casually.

“Yep…” Peter agreed.

Five minutes later, once the two of them had left the dormitory, James asked what was going on between them, to which Remus responded with a quizzical look.

“Between who?”

“You and Pads. Haven’t you noticed him acting...a bit strange?”

“More so than usual? I don’t think so. Why?” Remus peered at James. It wasn’t entirely true, but he wasn’t about to start speculating aloud why Sirius hadn’t been snogging anyone; somehow, he felt that it wasn’t what James meant. “What do you think is going on with him?”

“It’s probably nothing, Moons. I mean, if you haven’t noticed anything…” He shrugged and started whistling as they made their way to the library.

* * *

Sirius and James’ laughter could be heard long before they rounded the corner to the corridor with the fruit bowl painting. The sixth year was taking its toll on everyone, whether it was the never-ending homework, the exhausting Quidditch practices, or the stress inducing Apparition lessons, among other things. One of the ways the Marauders coped with it all was by making time for each other as much as they could. Sometimes they would have jinx competitions in their dormitory before bedtime, other times they would simply lounge around, dead-tired and frustrated about something or other, complaining to their hearts’ content. 

The two boys were on their way to the kitchen, on a quest to pick up some snacking supplies to bring back to their room. They hadn’t bothered to bring the invisibility cloak this time, so when they heard footsteps moving fast in their direction, as if someone was running, they ducked into the nearest empty room. They weren’t worried about getting cornered by Filch (the map showed him lurking around in the Entrance Hall), but they still didn’t fancy being spotted getting in or out of the kitchen by any students and having to answer awkward questions.

“I think it’s all clear,” James said quietly when the footsteps faded away. 

“Listen…” Sirius whispered, his finger over his lips. He was staring at the only piece of furniture in the small, dark room.

It was a dingy, dark wood vanity table that must have been put away there for a reason - its drawer was rattling ever so slightly.

“But… It must be a Boggart!” James exclaimed excitedly.

“I’m glad the concept of fear is so exciting to you…”

“Do you understand the endless possibilities of things we could use it for?!”

“Let it loose in the dungeons outside of the Slytherin common room?” Sirius suggested.

“Hm… I feel like… I don’t know, what do you call it? I don’t really want first year Slytherins to run into it… What’s this feeling called?” James was snapping his fingers, squinting, as if trying to pull the words he was looking for out of thin air.

“Hm.” Sirius furrowed his brow, then nodded ever so slightly. “D’you know, Moony stopped me from hexing Snape in Hogsmeade, and now this… We’re really getting old, aren’t we?”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic. Who’s someone that truly deserves this Boggart?”

“Snape?”

“Tempting...but a bit stale at this point, I have to agree with Moony. The staffroom could be fun?..”

“It would be far too easy for any professor to get rid of it. Definitely not worth wasting a perfectly good Boggart.”

Just then, Peeves floated in through one wall, singing a crude song about little kids crying because of Filch. He didn’t seem to pay much attention to James and Sirius, much too preoccupied with relishing the memory of some Hufflepuffs, by the sound of it, getting a month’s worth of detention for having dirt on their shoes. Peeves drifted across the length of the room, disappearing through the opposite wall, and when James looked over at Sirius, he was mirroring his devilish grin.

“It’s about time Filch gets scared out of his skin for a change,” Sirius growled gleefully.

“Oh, this is perfect!”

The two boys decided it would be easiest to let the Boggart out of the drawer and then trap it inside a phial that James had in his bag. It was probably small enough to roll under the door of Filch’s office, which was going to make the whole thing a child’s play. The plan was to let the Boggart try and scare them both for a little bit until it became confused and tried to hide again, and they would make sure that the only hiding place was the phial.

“Ready?” Sirius looked over at James, both of their wands at the ready.

The moment the drawer flew open, at least a hundred snakes started bursting out of it, all hissing and spitting and slithering towards James, who looked like he might lose it for a moment. But then he pulled himself together, uttered ‘ _ Riddikulus _ ’, and chuckled at the sight of a hundred snakes getting accidentally tangled with each other. Then Sirius stepped in front of the Boggart…

Remus rose out of the pile of serpents, his green eyes burning with contempt.

“You’re a freak! Worse than a werewolf!” The Remus shaped Boggart snarled at Sirius with utmost disgust. “Me? Fancy  _ you _ ? Don’t make me laugh!” 

“Er… Pads? Since when is your Boggart Remus rejecting you?..”

“ _ Riddikulus _ !” Sirius flicked his wand impatiently and watched the Boggart-Remus get tangled and disappear in his jumper that started comically expanding and growing. Then he turned to James. “I can explain.”

“Go on then.”

“I am obviously scared of Moony rejecting me.”

“Uh-huh, I’ve gathered this much. So…that’s a thing, huh?” 

“I suppose.”

“If you…” James sighed. “Let’s be honest, we all know you have a tendency to break people’s hearts when you get bored--”

“It’s not like that! I would  _ never  _ do anything to hurt Moony!” Sirius stared at his friend indignantly.

“You’ve been flirting with him for weeks now! Do you think Peter and I didn’t notice?” James asked and then irritably waved his wand to get rid of the snakes that the Boggart had turned into again.

“Big deal! I flirt with everyone!” Sirius gave his head a shake as if trying to shoo a fly.

“Exactly! So no need to drag Moony into these games of yours.”

“I really don’t appreciate you parenting me, James.” As Sirius said this, the Boggart changed into Remus again, and he quickly  _ Riddikulus’d _ it.

“That’s not what I’m… I just hope you don’t… I don’t know… What about us - all four of us? If something happens and you and Moony stop being friends...”

“I’m not trying to play games with him. I care about him just as much as you and Wormtail do, just as much as I always have. Just forget it, it’s nothing.”

As James was sending a spell at the Boggart again, he had the strangest feeling that there was more to it than Sirius let on. It wasn’t difficult to put all the pieces together in his head and see that this wasn’t nothing. He could hardly imagine  _ Amortentia _ smelling of anyone else to Sirius, of any of the girls he’d ever gone out with. Then he wondered how Moony would feel if he knew. Maybe he would gently turn Sirius down, but James certainly did not believe his friend capable of being as cruel and foul as his Boggart version. Or maybe Moony would be quite pleased? Somehow, that did not seem like such a far-fetched idea…

James tried to imagine that they weren’t talking about Remus, but someone else instead… What would he have done then? Surely, he would have cheered his best friend on, like he always did. He would have encouraged him and shared any insight that might be helpful or relevant; especially when love potions and Boggarts were so obviously pointing at the same thing. He would have been honest with him. James had always been honest with Sirius, meaning that he never kept anything from him. 

“Look,” Sirius opened his mouth, then quickly got rid of Boggart-Remus, and turned to James again. “I won’t do anything about it, don’t worry. Obviously, our friendship matters to me more than any silly crush ever could. I’d never do anything to jeopardise the Marauders.”

James was listening intently, a curious look on his face. He’d made up his mind. “Hm. So you think you’ll just...wait it out, get over this  _ silly crush _ , move on...”

“Exactly!” Padfoot exclaimed while James got the snakes all tangled again; neither of them noticed that the Boggart was getting so confused, it was turning into a bunch of snake-sized green Moonys and one human sized snake wearing a jumper.

“Besides, we don’t even know that Moony likes you back.”

“Precisely,” Sirius mumbled.

There was a moment of silence, James still peering at his friend, then he spoke again with resolve. “Yeah, so that day you thought you smelled Remus in the Potions classroom? That was  _ Amortentia _ .” He said slowly, widening his eyes, and he could tell by the way Sirius froze that he understood exactly what that meant. “And we’ve both seen what happened with your Boggart. I’m no expert, but this does not look to me like a  _ silly crush _ , mate...”

There was a long, shocked pause, interrupted only by a loud whipping sound that left a quickly dissipating cloud of black smoke where the Boggart had been moments before. Then Sirius opened his mouth, his eyes like Galleons. “Am I in love?”

“Blimey…” It hit James all of a sudden; with all the stuff the Marauders had been through together, all the years of friendship and once-in-a-lifetime kind of closeness, this really was a completely uncharted territory. “I think you might be...”

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows for a second, then his face split into a sheepish grin. 

“I just don’t fully understand why Moony and not me, but I guess I’m not pretty enough or something…” James scoffed dramatically. “And now we don’t even have a Boggart anymore!”


	7. Celebrations and The Morning After

“How come McGonagall isn’t trying to break this party up,” a starry-eyed third year boy was staring up at Sirius as if he’d never seen anyone so awe-inspiringly cool.

“Well, she’s fast asleep, isn’t she? It’s almost midnight,” his friend suggested.

“Or she pretends to be. She’s got a soft spot for Black,” Remus startled the two boys when he spoke behind them.

The surprise birthday party had already proven to be a success - the Gryffindor common room was packed, everyone was having fun, and Sirius had faked an expression of polite shock flawlessly after climbing in through the portrait hole.

“Remus, help me explain to this pure-blood what Twister is.”

“Twister?” He looked over at Liam, a Muggle-born Irish boy in their year, who had apparently been discussing Muggle games with Sirius.

“Look, from everything you’ve told me…” Sirius started with a smirk. “I just don’t see how it’s not a dirty game. Decent wizard parents would never allow their children to play it.”

Liam gave Remus a look of pure exasperation, which made him chuckle. “No, you must have misunderstood, Sirius. It’s all about physical skill,” Remus explained.

“Exactly!”

“Not that kind of skill.”

“I don’t understand. Why else would you play it if not to get all up close and personal with someone?”

“If you actually tried playing it, you would know how vicious and competitive it is.”

“Have you ever played it then?”

“Once or twice, when I was younger.” Remus thought back to his Muggle cousin’s eighth or ninth birthday party.

“Who d’you play it with?” A blatantly suggestive smirk spread across Sirius’ lips.

“Oh for the love of Merlin’s sagging left testicle…”

This went on for a little while longer, Sirius’ questions becoming more and more ridiculous with every sip of Firewhiskey that he took. On top of that, he had taken to addressing everyone as ‘my child’ and ‘little one’ owing to his turning of age. 

At some point, professor McGonagall did show up, clad in a tartan dressing gown, to only half-heartedly reproach everyone for being so rowdy, but moments after she left, the common room swung right back into loud laughter and celebrations. Remus found himself in one of the armchairs, watching two seventh years putting up a show for everyone, smacking each other with Inflatable Tongues that shrieked each time they made contact. 

“So now that I’m an adult…” Sirius sat down on the armrest of Remus’ seat. “Do you find me any more attractive?”

Remus barely managed to keep his butterbeer from shooting out his nose; instead, some of it dribbled down his chin. As he was wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he noticed that James and Peter were standing a little ways away, watching him, but they both instantly turned away.

“Is that a yes then?” Sirius was biting his bottom lip; probably trying not to laugh at him, Remus thought.

Lupin was spared from having to answer that when a couple of girls (who, he was quite sure, were Hufflepuffs) squeezed their way through the crowd to wish Sirius a happy birthday. Remus used the distraction to retreat to the other side of the common room, where he had spotted Lily chatting with a couple people. _This is ridiculous_ , he thought to himself. He needed to pull himself together; he couldn’t let this get in the way of their friendship. But the things that Sirius sometimes said and did, without realising of course, were making it really hard for Remus to get over him.

As he pulled his wand out to clean himself up, his ears caught the familiar, friendly voice of Lily Evans. Glancing over, he noted that she was talking to one of her friends, Marlene Price.

“Just make sure to turn it all the way on,” Lily was instructing her. “Be as outrageously flirty as you can. Make sure he has no doubt in his mind that you’re interested in him, you know?”

“Gotcha,” Marlene nodded excitedly.

Remus had a smile on his face; he found it amusing thinking about how he’d heard this same pep talk, directed at James, so many times before. He wondered if Lily knew how often he and his friends talked about her, whenever James would declare that ‘today’s the day, I just _know_ she’ll say yes this time’. 

He checked the front of his shirt to see that he got the butterbeer stain out and was about to walk over to Lily when he realised who she had sent her friend after. All the way across the common room, sitting down in the same chair that he had just vacated, Marlene was striking up a conversation with Sirius. Remus was so dazed for a moment, watching the scene while trying to take a sip of his drink, that he spilled it again. He shuffled his gaze over to Lily to find her positively beaming at Price from afar, clearly rooting for her friend’s success. 

Remus felt a sting of betrayal in his heart. He had thought that him and Lily were friends, he trusted her to keep his secret, and he assumed she’d be on his side… But then why would she encourage Marlene to chat Sirius up? His eyes kept darting between Lily and the armchair in front of the fire, his hand loosely holding a bottle of butterbeer halfway to his mouth. Perhaps he needn’t have been so shocked by it? After all, Lily and Marlene were much, much closer, they’d been friends a long time before Remus ever had a proper conversation with her. Perhaps it was perfectly fair?

Still, Remus let himself slip down the path of wallowing in disappointment. Against his own attempts at reasoning with himself, he felt that Lily should have told him that her friend fancied Sirius at the very least. And since her friend did fancy Sirius, Lily shouldn’t have brought that topic up with Remus at all. It seemed a bit insensitive now looking back. 

Turning on his heel, he almost crashed into James. “Oi, where are you off to, Moons?”

“Bed. I’m exhausted.”

“Really? Sirius will be disappointed.”

“Doubt it.” Remus gave him a feeble shrug and started making his way towards the staircase, looking at James over his shoulder. “It’s almost full moon, I better get some rest.”

But restful he was not. He lay in bed, eyes wide open, thinking about how Marlene Price was a good looking girl and how, surely, it was going to be easy for her to seduce Sirius, if she hadn’t done that already. Then Remus’ mind would shift to being mad at himself for being so melodramatic and moping like this. It wasn’t like him. Feeling jealous of people that caught Sirius’ eye was nothing new, but it had never escalated to the point of keeping him up at night.

Remus rolled over and flopped onto his belly, letting out an impatient sigh. “Boo-bloody-hoo,” he mumbled into his pillow.

* * *

Sirius woke suddenly, startled by a loud gasp, barely stopping himself from falling off a chair he’d been dozing in. He knew immediately that Moony must have just woken up too because he was leaning over, reaching for the bucket that was always sitting on the same side of the bed in the hospital wing dormitory. The next moment Sirius heard retching and instinctively put his hand on his friend’s back, massaging it gently.

Remus sat up in the bed a moment later and shuffled his gaze full of worry to meet Sirius’ eyes. “Is everyone okay? Have I hurt anyone?” Moony asked quietly; those were always the first words he’d speak the morning after the full moon.

Sirius handed him a glass of Healing Potion that Madam Pomfrey had left on the side table. Remus took it with shaky hands but didn’t drink until his question was answered. “No, we’re all fine,” said Sirius impatiently, giving his arm a little shake to make sure his sleeve was covering a nasty cut that stretched from his wrist to his shoulder. “How are _you_?”

The truth was that even if the other three Marauders ever did get scratched or bruised or broken by Moony in his werewolf form, they never let him know. Usually they’d patch themselves up in a matter of seconds while Remus was sleeping it off in the hospital wing. Sometimes, if the injuries were a bit nastier, they got Madam Pomfrey to do it for them, but they would wait a day or two so that it wouldn’t look too suspicious. That was exactly the case with Sirius’ arm this time. Out of all the injuries that came with their monthly excursions, ones inflicted by Moony’s claws were the worst. Since the boys would be getting hurt while assuming their animagi shape, it didn’t leave cursed scars as it normally would have, but they required Madam Pomfrey’s potions’ help to heal them.

“Exhausted,” Remus answered, but he still didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure everyone’s okay?”

“Yes, I’m sure, Moony.”

November of that year saw a full moon rise mere three days after Sirius’ birthday. The morning after Remus’ transformation Sirius volunteered to go to the hospital wing and wait for him to wake up. At least one of the Marauders would always be there for when Remus woke up; it was simply something that they had always done, even before they managed to become animagi. The three boys thought that it was the least they could do. So on this particular morning, Sirius assured James and Peter that it was okay for them to get some much needed sleep in their own beds and he would let them know when Moony was up. 

He reached into his jeans pocket to retrieve the little mirror that he used to communicate with James; soon as he did though, Remus gave him a pleading look. “Not yet,” he said. “I just need a moment before I feel like a person again.”

Sirius nodded. “Have some food,” he pointed his chin at a plate of sandwiches that was another usual fixture on the post-full moon bedside table. He felt an almost overwhelming urge to reach over and stroke Remus’ face and move his sweat-soaked hair from his eyes and kiss his pain away. 

“In a little bit. This is worse than being hungover. Except for the violent, blood-thirsty monster part.” Remus pressed his fingertips into his closed eyes, as if trying to push last night’s images out of his head. 

“You know I don’t like that word. If you’re going to use it, at least do it properly - to describe my mother.” Sirius was pleased to see that his efforts were not completely fruitless - there was just the faintest smile playing at the corners of Moony’s lips now, but it was something. 

“Whatever word I use won’t change what I am…” The smile faded. “Dangerous and ill-tempered wolf-like creature, if that offends you less.”

“Rubbish. First of all, you’re not a _what_ ; you’re a _who_. And if you’re still thinking about what Snivellus said - stop.”

“Very sweet of you, Pads, but you’re biased. Snape, in a way, is the only person who’s seen me during full moon, who has the mental and emotional objectivity to see me for what I truly am.”

“But surely, you can’t seriously think that?” Sirius barked out a mirthless laugh.

“I do,” Remus shrugged. “And...you played that prank on him last year, knowing that he would come face to face with a monster at the end of the tunnel,” he said quietly, timidly almost, his green eyes jumping between his friend’s grey ones and the floor. “Wasn’t that supposed to be the punchline?”

Sirius’ mouth fell open. He had fucked up that night, this was no news to him, but he was caught off guard hearing Remus bring it up after such a long time. What made it worse was that Moony didn’t sound accusatory, but rather just sad and tired.

“I’m being unfair,” Remus spoke again, a definite note of firmness in his voice this time. “You’ve made my transformations far less horrible, you know. Even before you could be there with me, you accepted me, you didn’t deny me your friendship. I shouldn’t say things like that.”

Sirius watched his friend, biting the insides of his cheeks, feeling an insurmountable wave of shame wash over him. He wanted to put it into words, but didn’t quite know how, so the silence between them stretched. “It--” Sirius cleared his throat, looking down at his hands in his lap. “It’s fine, I’m the one who--”

“Oh don’t you dare steal my spotlight. Let me have my that-time-of-the-month, woe-is-me moment, Pads.” Remus stuck his foot out from under the covers to nudge Sirius’ knee.

He lifted his eyes to meet Moony’s and saw that the boy was smiling at him, his green eyes radiating warmth. He mirrored the expression without thinking. “Fine, have it your way then.” He gruntled, grinning wide now, and poked Remus’ sole, causing him to swiftly retract it. 

The echoing sound of footsteps reached Sirius’ ears and he looked over to the other side of the room - a redheaded girl was making her way towards them, but she stopped some ten feet away.

“Oh… Hi. I heard you were at the hospital wing, so I wanted to drop by,” Lily smiled at Remus eagerly but, Sirius noticed, he didn’t do so much as press his lips together in a straight line. “But I can come back later.”

“Kind of you, but you probably needn’t bother, I won’t be here long.”

Lily stared at him with an ever-growing uncertainty in her face. Her hands found each other and she started wringing them absently. She shifted her gaze to Sirius, who could only offer her a blank stare, and then back to Remus. “Alright. I’ll see you later then…”

“What was that about?” Sirius narrowed his eyes at his friend after they heard the hospital wing door close behind her. 

Remus merely shrugged and grabbed a sandwich.

There was a barely perceptible flicker of hesitation in Sirius’ movement, but he got up from his chair and sat down on the edge of the bed. Grabbing a cotton ball dipped in Murtlap Essence, he scooted closer to Remus, took his left hand, and, ever so gently, started dabbing a fresh wound on the inside of his forearm. As he did so, he wondered if it was wrong of him to feel such bubbling excitement in the pit of his stomach for being the only person that Remus seemed to want around.


	8. Freezing Hands and Cold Shoulders

The following week started out a little rocky for Remus. He was still so appalled by what Lily had done at the party that he made a point to avoid her however he could. He would sit at least ten people away from her at mealtimes, group up with other pupils during their classes together, and if he saw her in the Gryffindor common room, he’d either make up an excuse to leave or pretend to be busy doing something or talking to someone. A small part of him felt that confronting her about it would be absurd - she hadn’t _really_ done anything wrong. Sirius didn’t belong to him; they weren’t together and Remus wasn’t doing anything to change that, so why wouldn’t someone else be allowed to fancy Sirius and make moves on him? Regardless, Remus maintained that Lily shouldn’t have encouraged her friend.

The exhaustion from the full moon, the scorn simmering in the back of his mind, and the piles of homework would have been near impossible to cope with, if not for his friends. Needless to say, he couldn’t confide in them about Lily because then he would have had to tell them the whole story and inevitably confess his feelings to Sirius. But having the Marauders simply accept that he was tired, frustrated, and grumpy absolutely helped the situation. They would either let him be all that or try to cheer him up with silly jokes and anecdotes (or in Sirius’ case - by sending Jelly-Legs Jinxes at unsuspecting Slytherins in the hallways). Although lately, more often than not, they would all join in the misery and wallow in it together, cursing the homework, the teachers, the opposing Quidditch teams, the weather...

Coincidentally, James too was having a rather stressful week, full of sleet and nervous anticipation of the upcoming Quidditch game against Ravenclaw. By the time that Saturday rolled around, however, the ever-present precipitation finally fizzled out which brought a fresh gust of hope into the hearts and faces of the Gryffindor team.

“I’m not worried. I know for a fact I’m a better seeker than Griffiths, and in these conditions… It’ll be over before you can say ‘Quidditch’.” James was waving a piece of toast around in a rather pompous manner as he spoke to both his teammates and his friends that morning during breakfast.

“The modesty of this one is truly inspiring,” Remus mumbled, making the lot of them chuckle. Incredibly, he thought, James’ head had, in fact, deflated quite a bit in the past couple of months.

“Be sure to put those hands of yours to good, loud clapping when we win, Moons.” Potter took one last gulp of coffee and pushed himself up. “Alright, we’ve got to go, I’ll see you later.”

“Break an arm!” Sirius gave him two thumbs up and a big grin as the whole Gryffindor team got on their feet.

“Leg, Sirius. The saying’s ‘break a leg’,” Remus corrected him, feeling his heart fill up with an unexpected surge of fondness. Sirius would sometimes try to incorporate Muggle idioms into his vocabulary but seldom had any success. 

A little while later, the rest of the Marauders got up from the breakfast table and headed out into the grey and dreary grounds. Remus immediately felt himself shiver at the first touch of icy humidity against his skin. He rifled through his pockets, looking for gloves, while Sirius draped his arms across his and Peter’s shoulders, and looked at the shorter of the two boys.

“How’s it going with Lydia, Wormy?”

“Good, actually!” Peter beamed. “How’s it going with-- Ouch! You broke my toes, you bloody goblin!”

Momentarily forgetting about his freezing hands, Remus looked over at his friend with an amused smile. Evidently, Sirius had stepped on Peter’s foot by accident, causing the latter to shove him away with a glare.

By the time they reached the Quidditch field and found seats, Remus had triple checked his pockets and, to his disappointment, his gloves still failed to materialise out of thin air. Although the game started out on such an exciting note that the air seemed to be filled with the heat of emotions running high alone. Within the first five minutes both teams had twenty points each and the crowd was going wild over it.

“Hey!” Sirius glared at Remus when he clapped after Gryffindor’s rivals scored another goal, grabbing his hands to stop him.

“What? I almost got sorted into Ravenclaw,” he shrugged with a daring grin.

“ _Almost_. Your hands a-- Yeah! Get fucked!” Sirius roared, leaping up, when one of the blue-clad chasers got hit by a bludger right in the middle of the back; then he sat down and, without looking, found Remus’ hands with his again. “Your hands are cold as ice, Moony. Are you okay? Do you feel feverish?” Sirius cast him a worried glance this time, and Remus knew why - sometimes it took him a while to get back up to health after the full moon. This wasn’t the case though.

“I’m just cold. Stop looking at me like my mother,” he added with a laugh.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but his breath caught and he shook his head, smiling. “Come here, turtle dove,” he grasped Remus’ hands more firmly, rubbing them with his own. 

“Did you just call me cripple dog?” Moony chortled, trying to ignore how close Sirius’ face was to his all of a sudden.

“No, but now I wish i had. What could possibly be more endearing?”

And still, Sirius wasn’t letting go of his hands; instead, he was blowing hot air on each of them in turn, massaging warmth back into them, all while keeping an eye on the game, as if this was the most casual thing in the world. Remus, on the other hand, felt his heart get thrown into overdrive by a mixture of self-consciousness and exhilaration. 

He felt a familiar uneasiness of being watched so closely by someone - after all, every time Sirius did shuffle his gaze onto him, Remus was sure he could see every imperfection, every scar on his face as if under a microscope. But far more importantly than that, the closeness was intoxicating. He was silently thanking the weather now, for he was sure that had his face not already been red from the cold, he would have been blushing like mad. 

Yet, he couldn’t help but wonder if Sirius would even notice. For all he cared, he was just being a good friend to Moony. It wasn’t any different from any one of the Marauders visiting him in the hospital wing after full moons, helping however they could to nurse him back to health. This kind of care wasn’t unusual. It didn’t mean anything to Sirius, Remus was sure.

“Better?”

“Huh?”

“Your hands,” Sirius wore an amused smirk.

“Er, yeah, a bit, thanks, Pads.” Remus mumbled, expecting him to let go now, but he didn’t.

Gryffindor won that day only by thirty points and the entire common room was buzzing the whole evening, students recapping the game to each other and discussing all the fouls that went unnoticed with great thrill. James finally got tired of his admirers’ attention and joined Remus, Sirius, and Peter on the two sofas nearest to the fireplace. They went on to discuss all sorts of things, ranging from the game to career path consultations and Apparition lessons to Peter’s love life. They talked about their options for the fast-approaching Christmas break, deciding that they would all spend the holidays at James’ parents home, and about the next Hogsmeade trip.

Remus too was chatting and laughing with everyone, feeling lighter and happier than he had in a while. For that one evening, he decided, he was allowed to not pretend that he didn’t have a fluttery, dizzy feeling in his stomach every time Sirius beamed and laughed. Everyone around him seemed to be so ecstatic that he knew he could easily blend in when he gazed at Sirius, as if spellbound, whenever he would lean over to tell Remus a well timed joke and his hair would slip from behind his ear in dark, mesmerising curls. For that one evening, he gave himself permission to be completely smitten.

* * *

“You have to tell him how you feel, Pads.” James’ statement was accompanied by Peter nodding vigorously.

“Yeah, you--” Peter was about to say something but he stopped himself abruptly when the dormitory door opened to reveal Remus.

“Tell who?” He asked offhandedly as he made his way across the room, towards his trunk.

James gave Sirius an expressive look with a little nod of his head; then Sirius cleared his throat and looked at Remus’ back, lingering to give him time to turn around, but he simply continued to dig through his stuff. “Just er, someone I like,” Sirius mumbled finally.

“Oh? Anyone I know?” Moony’s voice was lukewarm, as if he didn’t really care to hear the answer.

“Yes!”

“Brilliant,” he croaked, grabbing a couple of books, and turned around on his heels to leave the dormitory. 

Sirius, who had been watching Remus, turned his head pointedly slowly, popping his eyes and sighing as he did so. He fixed his two friends with a blistering gaze and pointed his whole arm at the now closed door in a broad, dramatic gesture.

“He’s _clearly_ got a problem with me being into both girls and boys!”

“Oh please, now you’re being bloody ridiculous now,” James frowned.

“I didn’t know being ridiculous was illegal.” Sirius folded his arms across his chest. “He won’t even look at me though! Why won’t he look at me?”

“He’s been pretty stressed lately, I’m sure it has nothing to do with you personally,” Peter reasoned gently, as if trying to soften the atmosphere in the room. 

“I can’t tell him how I feel about him...what if that’s how he reacts? What if he just walks away-- Wait a second…” Sirius’ face glazed with a horrified look of realisation. “Merlin’s pants, Wormy, I sound just like you… How do you live like this? How can you stand not knowing if your feelings are requited?!”

“Ouch.” Peter glared back at him. “Bit rude, don’t you think?”

“Oh, you know what I meant… But it’s horrible, isn’t it?”

“What exactly is horrible?” James asked with a tentative expression, clearly worried that his friend was going mad.

“To care so much, of course. What if Remus won’t want to hear it?”

“Okay, that’s enough. You’re scaring me, Pads. You’ve got your wand in a knot over nothing here. When have you ever had any qualms about telling someone you fancy them? Just think of him as the cute dreamboat who goes to the same school as you, or whatever you refer to him as in your head, and tell him how you feel.”

Sirius hesitated, waiting for the wave of panic to subside. He almost didn’t want to say it out loud, but he didn’t try hard to stop himself either. “Haven’t I lost enough already this year?” There was a vivid note of bitterness in his voice all of a sudden.

James cast a glance at Peter, visibly taken aback by the deep sorrow of the statement.

“Remus is not your parents or your brother, Pads…” Peter spoke quietly. “The Marauders are forever, remember?”

Sirius considered this for a moment, wondering if that’s what Remus would have said too, had he known what was going on. And he had to admit to himself, he really couldn’t see Moony shutting him out the way that his family had. It wasn’t just wishful thinking or his infatuation, he was sure of it. But just because Moony wouldn’t act so drastically didn’t mean that nothing would change in their friendship and dynamic. There was still a lot at stake, a lot to lose.

“But what if I fuck it up?” Sirius whined and, unable to control his flair for dramatics, threw his arms out in the air. 

“Look, Remus didn’t seem put off by you warming his hands the other day at all, if that’s any indication--”

“Pardon me, what?” James blinked at Peter with a polite inclination of his head.

“Mr. Smooth Moves here,” Wormtail started looking at Sirius with a smirk, obviously enjoying his eagerly-awaited chance at retaliation, “held hands with Moons for twenty minutes at the Quidditch game, under the guise of helping a pal out.”

“But that’s good!” James reached his arms out towards Sirius in eagerness.

All the while, Sirius was instantly brought back to that very moment. He had been leaning so close to Moony during that Quidditch game that it almost felt like he was in one of those dreams, the ones he’d been having more and more lately. He wondered if he’d ever been this close to those sandy coloured eyelashes and the freckles adorning the beautiful face; and if he’d ever been that close, how come he never noticed or appreciated it? He could barely resist leaning all the way in to kiss Remus’ on his rosy, chapped lips, and he had been thinking about it ever since. He had been replaying those images in his head over and over again, except that in the privacy of his own thoughts, Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus and he was kissed back with fervor, every time.

Even standing in a room with James and Peter, in the middle of a conversation with them, he couldn’t keep that thought and a smile at bay. 

“That doesn’t mean anything, you prudes. I’ve touched Moony’s hands before. That’s kind of unavoidable, seeing as we’ve been friends for five years.”

James breathed out an exasperated sigh and plopped down on the end of his bed. “I don’t know how to help you, mate! The quaffle is in your court. The sooner you do something, the sooner it’ll all be sorted out and over.”

“Oh, how didn’t _I_ think of that!?” Sirius glared at his friend. “Can’t you appreciate the complexity of my predicament?”

“Well, can you appreciate the complexity of _our_ predicament?” James motioned at himself and Peter. “We’re stuck in the middle! Every time I talk to Moony, I feel like I’m lying to him… I hate having to hide anything from him.”

“Well I do apologise if my emotional suffering is inconveniencing you two.” Sirius clicked his tongue, putting his hair up in a bun held together by his wand.

“I’d love to stay and watch you figuring out what it’s like to feel like me, but I’ve got a study date with Lydia in about five minutes.”

“Oh, rub it in, why won’t you!” Sirius barked after Peter as he left the dormitory with a big grin on his face. “What?” He popped his eyes out at James. “Don’t look at me like that. You’ll understand what it’s like to suffer these afflictions of the heart when you’re my age, too.”


	9. James The Owl

It was one of those nights; the ones that mocked Sirius with the sounds of deep, steady breathing of his sleeping roommates. He had been lying in bed for hours, not a trace of sleep in his own tired eyes. Instead, he was left with bad memories that kept replaying over and over again in his head. He thought about how much had changed and wondered about how much was yet to come.

He’d always found it easy to give and receive affection - in spite of being deprived of both growing up - but on a night like this, his mind had wandered to a dark place, deep beneath his usual facade of careless charm and mischievous lovability. He wondered if he was truly capable of ever experiencing genuine love. He wondered if he deserved it, if he was too much of a Black for it.

But his train of thought came to a sudden halt, his heart nearly leaping out of his throat, when the gentle quiet of the night was shattered by a loud gasp. He sat up, fumbling with the red curtains of his bed, until he saw Remus propping himself up on his elbows.

“What’s the matter?” Sirius whispered.

“I-I hurt someone…” Moony panted, glancing around and blinking fiercely. “Is it full moon again?...”

Without thinking, Sirius pulled himself up and plopped down on the edge of Remus’ bed. This wasn’t the first night that had been interrupted by werewolf nightmares.

“We’ve still got a week left until the last full moon of this year, my love…” Sirius froze momentarily, realising what he’d just said and how effortlessly it had tumbled out of his mouth; Remus, however, didn’t seem to have noticed it. “It was just a dream.”

“It was…”

“Yes. You’ve never hurt anyone in your life,” Sirius murmured. 

“Bloody hell…” Remus’ breathing was frantic still, as if he’d been running. “It seemed so real…”

As Sirius squinted at him in the dark, he could just make out his horror-stricken face. “Are you alright? Do you want some tea or something? Hot cocoa?”

“N-no, I’m fine. I just need to…” He swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “I think I just need to take a little walk.”

“Where are you going to walk to?” Sirius couldn’t keep the note of mirth out of his voice.

“To er… Maybe just down to the common room, I suppose. I just need to stretch my legs…” And with that, Moony got up and quietly walked over to the door. Before it swung shut though, Sirius grabbed his wand and followed him out.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” He asked again, a little louder now since they were out of their sleeping friends’ earshot.

“No… Thanks, Sirius.” Remus started pacing around the old sofas and armchairs. “Sorry I woke you up. You can go back to sleep, you know. I won’t drop dead or anything.”

“Eh, sleep’s overrated anyway.” Sirius pointed his wand at the fireplace and mumbled _Incendio_.

“I feel so childish,” Remus breathed out after a few minutes filled with the cozy crackling of the flames; he’d stopped in front of the fireplace, his back turned on Sirius who was now sitting on a sofa. “Having night terrors…”

“Childish? Moony, you’re quite possibly the single bravest person I know.”

“Kind of you to humour me,” he turned around. “You know many sixth years who can’t fall asleep after a nightmare?”

“You know many sixth years who turn into a werewolf every month and yet somehow remain to be the loveliest people that anyone could ever hope to know in their lives?” 

Remus shuffled from one bare foot to another for a moment, his expression turning into an embarrassed smile that was threatening to melt Sirius’ heart into a puddle. Then, the black haired boy patted the seat beside him and Remus walked over and sat down, hugging his knees to his chest, while Sirius pointed his wand at a stack of folded blankets in the corner of the room and summoned one. 

He watched Moony lie down on his side, resting his head on the opposite end of the sofa, then threw the blanket over him. They stayed like that for a while, quietly, without talking. Some ten minutes later, Sirius leaned over to take a look at Remus’ face.

“Are you asleep?” He breathed weakly.

“No, it’s too quiet,” Remus answered without opening his eyes.

“I can read for you.” Sirius summoned a copy of Witch Weekly that someone had left in the common room. 

“You never told me you can read, Sirius!” Remus mumbled.

“Oh yes, I know all the letters. You see, I had to learn them since my parents wouldn’t read The Tales of Beedle the Bard to me.”

There was a pause filled with stifled laughter. “You just had to go there…”

“I had to,” Sirius smiled down at Remus, then opened the magazine. “Here we go: ‘How to Bewitch that special Wizard this Yuletide’!”

“Oh dear…”

“ _Yule Season is a mystical time of the year,_ blah blah blah… Hm… Okay... _Offer him a mince pie with Amortentia (or a cheaper alternative) infused filling or slip a couple of drops in his egg-nog if--_ ”

“Are you serious?” Remus sat up to peek at the magazine.

“Yes. And you’re Remus,” Sirius answered, unable to stop himself, causing the other boy to smile involuntarily and shake his head.

“That should be illegal.”

“Okay, let’s move on. Ah! _Those of you who have older living relatives, ask your grandmother or your great auntie to teach you some fun, old-fashioned tricks. Once having reached an unprecedented peak of popularity in the 1900s, the Entrancing Enchantments are making a comeback. Just don’t forget to make sure the spell doesn’t wear off halfway through your date--_ ”

“Unbelievable!”

“Alright, this is clearly not working. If only I had a copy of A History of Magic…” Sirius threw the magazine onto an armchair. “Or _something_ you couldn’t argue with…”

“Oh, I could easily argue with A History of Magic. Don’t even get me started on The Werewolf Code of Conduct of 1637!”

“Right. I forget how much of a huge swot you are… How about I...talk about something in French, so you actually can’t argue with it?”

Silence followed the suggestion as Remus stared at him with a kind of bemusement etched in his face. Sirius felt the strongest urge to either look away from Moony’s impossibly green eyes or to kiss him. Instead, he cleared his throat. “I mean, I don’t have to…”

“No, no, that sounds nice. I forget you speak French…” Remus looked away and lied down on his side again; this time, the top of his head was no more than a couple of inches away from Sirius’ thigh, his hair brushing against it.

“D’accord, très bien. De quoi devrais-je parler?” He gazed down at the side of Moony’s face. “Je ne pense pas du tout que tu es enfantin. Je pense que tu es très fort. Je sais que ça doit être dur, je sais que ça fait mal ... Je t'ai vu passer par la transformation plusieurs fois, et ça me fait aussi mal. Mais tu voilà, si fort et si beau... J'aimerais avoir le cran de le dire en anglais. Je suis tellement attiré par toi. Pourquoi tu ne vois pas ça? Je veux vraiment t'embrasser. Merde...tu entends mon cœur battre? Il vaut peut-être mieux ne pas t'embrasser. Je pense que mon cœur pourrait exploser...”

As it turned out, Sirius found it really easy to come up with things to say. He thought he could have spent the whole night telling Remus things in French that he wished he could have said in English. But he fell silent eventually, when Remus’ breathing slowed and deepened. Sirius got himself another blanket, put his feet up on a red velvet pouffe, and slowly dozed off too; thinking about how glad he was that he could be there for Remus, how nice it was to love. 

* * *

“Prongs, can you do me a favour?”

“Always.”

“Can you ask Remus if he likes me?”

“Of course. I doubt he’ll tell me though.”

“How so?”

“He won’t think I’m serious.” There was a pause, the two boys staring squarely at each other. “No pun intended.”

“None taken.” At this, they both burst out laughing.

“You know, you’d think you’d be able to figure this out on your own, seeing as he practically slept in your lap last night.”

“If only…”

“Alright. I’ll try my best, but know this - I don’t like this. I still think, if you’re going to pine and moan about it that much, you need to talk to him yourself.”

“Yes…” Sirius screwed up his face in mock gravitas. “Perhaps I should start yelling ‘go out with me’ at him all throughout the day, in the most random places all around the castle?”

“How dare you!”

It took James a few days to find the right moment to bring it up. With the approaching full moon and end of term, there always seemed to be a hundred little things to do and to worry about. He finally found himself alone with Remus after their Herbology lesson; the boy stayed back to finish pruning his Venomous Tentacula after everyone had gathered their things and left. James hung around to wait for his friend, thinking that he was unlikely to get a better opportunity to have a go at it in the next few weeks. But his luck didn’t end there - just as he was racking his brain, trying to think of what the best way to start the conversation was, Remus opened his mouth.

“Are you still hung up on Evans?”

“Ehm… S’pose you could say that. Why? Did she say anything?” He momentarily forgot that he was on a mission, excitement kindling in his stomach.

“Not to me. I don’t know, I was just wondering. 

“Anyway, what about you?”

“What _about_ me?” 

“Do you fancy...anyone?” James was pacing around, mindlessly running his fingers over leaves of plants and dusty pots.

“Well that is neither here, nor there.”

“So it’s a ‘yes’?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“So a ‘no’?” James stopped and smirked at his friend; he was obviously evading the question.

“You really should stop pushing the cotton bud in when you feel resistance, James,” Remus drawled, finally finishing up with the plant and sweeping all the bits of leaves and dirt off the table.

“You have shared your biggest secret with me and you said it yourself - you told me that never for a single second did you ever feel like I started looking at you differently. So why are you so embarassed to tell me who you fancy, mate?”

“A-ha. Trick question,” Remus tapped the side of his nose, carrying a terracotta pot in his other hand. “I never said I fancy anyone at all.”

“So you don’t?”

“I don’t know, maybe _that’s_ my biggest secret?”

“Fine. What if I told you that I know that someone fancies _you_?”

“I would gasp dramatically and wait for the punchline.”

“How do people think _I’m_ an insufferable smartass?” James frowned, pouting a little.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to ask stupid questions?”

“Nah, I’m free until after lunch,” James pulled his mouth in a smug smirk. 

“Perfect. It’s almost lunchtime,” Remus grabbed his bag and walked past James, tapping him on the back with a big grin. “You coming?” He glanced around at the door leading out of the greenhouse.

When James came back to the Gryffindor tower after the Quidditch practice that evening, he beckoned Sirius on his way up the stairs to their dormitory. This was the first time they could get some privacy since James had spoken to Remus, and he was eager to put a stop to Sirius unrelenting questioning as soon as possible.

“You can stop pestering me. I asked him.”

“And?” Sirius leaned towards him, his whole body eager with anticipation.

“I couldn’t figure it out,” James shrugged, pulling his shoes off.

“What do you mean? What did he say?”

“Not much at all, now that I think about it… I reckon he might be hiding something though. He didn’t give me a straight answer.”

Sirius fell backwards onto his bead, draping his wrist over his forehead and sighing dramatically. “I wonder if Evans knows something. He’s always whispering and giggling with her. Although, on second thought, I haven’t seen them together in a little bit… Hm.”

“You don’t think…” James spoke quietly now, a faint frown distorting his face. “You don’t think he likes Lily?”

“Well shit. I hope not. Ah, you’re jealous!” Sirius sat up, goggling at James gleefully once he noticed his friend’s sour expression.

“No, I’m not.”

“Maybe you should try going out with someone else. Maybe she’d even find it in herself to feel jealous then?”

“But I don’t want to go out with anyone else! I like Lily!” James explained a tad too shrilly than he meant to and Sirius wasted no time in mimicking him and making himself chuckle.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh at your misery…” He wiped his eye with a single finger. “It’s just that desperation looks hilarious on you--”

“Fuck you, Pads,” James mumbled as a mischievious smile returned to his face. “Do you think Moony likes me? Do you think he’ll want to get married? Do you think he’ll notice if I steal his clothes and sniff them at night?” Now it was his turn to tease his friend with accompanying gestures of clutching his face and fanning himself.

“It was one time! I put his T-shirt on once, by accident!” Sirius bellowed pointing a comically threatening finger at James. “I’ve seen you pick up single red hairs off furniture and rugs in the common room!”

At this, James gasped dramatically and pulled his wand out. “Don’t you dare drag sweet, beautiful Lily into this!”

“Or what, Potter?” Sirius drew his own wand out of the pocket of his jeans and flashed a devilish grin. 

“ _Levicorpus!_ ” James yelled at the same time as the dormitory door flung open and Remus walked in.

Everyone froze - James, with his wand held high, pointing at Sirius who now hung upside down, letting his arms dangle and his shirt bunch up around his shoulders and neck, and Remus, still in the doorway, eyeing his friends with palpable curiosity mixed with relish. The latter then became animated again, looking down at Sirius’ face as he strode over to his bedside table to grab a bottle of ink.

“Sirius, if I were you, I’d use this distraction to your advantage,” he uttered on his way out and before James could do anything, he felt himself being dragged through the air and turned upside down, his ankles held by invisible forces; both him and Sirius howling with laughter. 

* * *

Remus was ready to dart out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang, but the moment he stood up, he realised both of his shoelaces had gotten untied. He bent over, mumbling to himself in mild confusion. A moment later he stood back up to find the room empty, but for the teacher. He was pleased to see that Lily wasn’t lingering around, trying to talk to him this time, but his vague smile faded when he walked out into the hallway - there she was, leaning against the wall, obviously waiting for him.

“Oh, it’s you,” he blurted and kept walking.

“What’s the matter with you?”

He didn’t bother offering a better answer than a small shrug of his shoulders. However, before he reached the end of the empty corridor, his legs zipped together out of the blue, making him topple over and hit his shoulder against the wall.

“Ouch!”

“If you won’t talk to me voluntarily then you leave me no choice.” Lily walked up to him, her wand still clutched in her hand. 

Remus couldn’t help but be impressed with her for a brief moment, for she always seemed so sweet and innocent and absolutely not the type to jinx people in the hallways. Then he scowled at her. “Leg Locking Spell? Very mature.”

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Lily demanded, folding her arms over her chest. 

“I haven’t.”

“Do I really look that stupid?”

“Is that a rhetorical question?”

“I thought we were friends? Did I do anything to you?”

“Hm, let me think…” Remus finally managed to regain his balance and push himself off the wall. He rapped his fingers against his chin in mock contemplation, but in all honesty, he didn’t know how to express his frustration without sounding over-dramatic and desperate. “If we’re friends, then how come you told Price to go chat Sirius up?”

Whatever the sensible way to bring it up was, this wasn’t it, he knew immediately. But at least, he could tell, Lily knew exactly what he was talking about. Her lips parted, her eyes full of surprise, but then her auburn eyebrows dipped low in a frown.

“First of all, if you must know, Marlene is not interested in Black in the least bit,” she shot him a stern look that Remus’ own mother would have been jealous of, he was sure. “She’s into girls.”

“What…” Remus gaped at her as if he had just been Confunded. “What are you talking about?”

“I would have explained to you what I’m talking about ages ago but seeing as you refused to so much as look at me for weeks, that hasn’t been exactly easy.”

“What _are_ you talking about?”

“Well… I had some suspicions and I reckoned, if I did a little test to confirm that Sirius really wasn’t interested in someone else coming onto him _very_ strongly…”

“What?” 

“I’ve heard things… And I wondered, too... And that day when you were at the hospital wing, before you both realised that I was there…” Lily continued to utter disconnected phrases as though she couldn’t see Remus’ confused face right in front of her. “But even before that… I started paying more attention and I started seeing all these little things… And I wanted to see for myself... Sirius really cares for you a lot, have you noticed?”

“Er… We’re friends, we’ve been friends for a little while, I would hope that he cares.” Remus couldn’t deny having noticed how attentive and accommodating Sirius had been acting but, surely, that was nothing out of the ordinary when you had been friends with someone for years.

“He couldn’t keep his eyes off you at the surprise party, the whole night.”

“Uh-huh…” Remus squinted at her now, wondering whether Lily was trying to play a prank on him or if someone had actually Confunded her.

“Well, he played dumb when Marlene approached him, he wouldn’t even acknowledge that she was openly flirting with him! And when has Sirius Black turned down a pretty girl asking him out?”

“Well regardless,” Remus rolled his eyes, “poor planning on your behalf, if you will allow me to be so blatant. I know for a fact that Sirius fancies someone. Do you mind?” He motioned at his legs, still glued together, and Lily waved her wand impatiently, freeing him.

“How so?” She looked as though she’d just been smacked across the face.

“I heard him talking about it to James and Peter. He even told me himself when I asked.”

“Who is then?!” She demanded, her voice going up.

“Dunno.”

“But… I really thought he fancied you…”

Remus couldn’t stop himself from emitting a bitter laugh. “Me? Where'd’you get that from?”

“Well,” Lily started slowly. “There’s rumours going around about how Sirius downright rejected three or four people that asked him out this year. Four or five, if you count Marlene… So now some people think that he must have his eye on someone specific. And, well, I thought - since he hasn’t been _seen_ with anyone - it must be someone that he’s reluctant to make a move on...because maybe that someone is an old friend…” She trailed off, looking embarrassed now. 

Remus stared at her blankly as his brain worked to process what she had just said. “Sorry, what?”

“Well… Don’t you agree that that would make sense?”

“I would, but then we’d both be wrong. This theory of yours makes Divination seem like an exact science.”

The thought of someone seriously considering this to be a plausible scenario took Remus by such surprise that he didn’t know how to react to it. It sounded as though Lily was getting carried away with it all, perhaps not considering his feelings too much. What made it worse was that there was this prickling, nagging thought in the back of his mind sometimes; a thought that maybe Sirius suspected that Remus fancied him and found it humorous. That maybe, whenever he did or said something unexpectedly flirtatious, it was meant to poke fun at him. Like that night a little while ago, when Sirius had called him ‘my love’ so casually, like a perfectly delivered punchline to a joke. 

And Remus felt secretly gratified to see Lily’s abashed face. If she’d come to him with her ludicrous plan first, he’d have made her swear she wasn’t going to actually do anything. He wasn’t exactly delighted at the idea of playing these absurd games with Sirius. And, on top of that, getting someone else involved in the whole thing. But he still felt a little twinge of affection in his chest - after all, Lily seemed to have acted this way out of kindness and with good intentions.

“I thought if I…” She muttered. “I suppose I can sort of see now how this was a er, flawed plan of action…”

“Forget it. It’s fine, you interfering trout,” Remus mumbled, allowing a warm smile to stretch across his lips and Lily matched it with a significantly more guilty looking one. “I’m flattered - by the looks of it, you seem to really have believed this laughable idea of yours.”

“Honestly! I simply don’t understand why you’re so adamant that you’re categorically unlovable. You’re funny and kind and smart and attractive - yes, I said what I said - and yet, you cling to this persona of a weird outcast of a monster.”

Remus stared down at her with an amused expression; if she knew what he was, she would understand how comically accurate the last part of her statement was. “You’re only saying that because you feel bad now.” He tugged at her arm and started walking down the hallway; they were going to be late for Care of Magical Creatures.

“Oh, you’re impossible!”

“You know what, James will be overjoyed when I tell him you jinxed me.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“You’re not that different from that delinquent Potter boy after all,” Remus smirked sideways.

“This was different and you know it!”

“Different goals, perhaps. Same means of reaching them…” As they rounded the corner, Lily’s protesting squeals and Remus’ hearty laughter echoed off the stone walls.


	10. Des Mots Magiques

The last few weeks of the term seemed to fly by at the speed of light before the world came to a screeching halt. Remus felt not only pleased with himself, but also proud of his three best friends for how they finished their first half of their sixth year at Hogwarts. James and Peter had been doing better than just alright in their Potions lessons, and Sirius managed to scrape up an E on their mock History of Magic exam. 

The four boys arrived at the Potters’ residence in the late afternoon on Christmas Eve. They spent the whole day playing two-a-side snow fight. James’ dad would occasionally join them, without leaving his study, by charming some snow balls to pelt whichever side was doing better at any given moment. They eventually got called back inside by James’ mum for some of the best dinners Remus had ever had the pleasure of eating - especially after exerting all his energy, trying to bring James and Sirius down.

He had been a guest of the Potters a few times before, and he always thoroughly enjoyed it. He would have never said a bad word about his own parents, but Mr. and Mrs. Potter seemed to love nothing more than caring for their son and his friends. Remus silently wondered if he could ever have such a home - full of love and laughter, instead of anxiety and quiet resentment.

He enjoyed chatting with James’ mum immensely; they would discuss topics ranging from Herbology to the ongoing war against Voldemort and his supporters. And James’ dad had such warmth about; Remus had never truly realised that dads didn’t have to be distant and strict and vague until he met Fleamont Potter.

Since Sirius now lived with the Potters, he had his own bedroom in their house, and he insisted that Remus take his bed that night.

“Your body gets wrecked enough as it is, we shouldn’t subject you to sleeping on that,” he pointed at the camping bed that Mr. Potter had set up in the room.

Remus had tried to argue but Sirius swiftly turned into a black dog on the spot, dragged a blanket off the foldout bed and onto the floor, and, after turning in circles a handful of times, curled up in the middle of it. “Thanks, Pads,” Remus had smiled at him and climbed into the empty bed.

On Christmas morning they all gathered in the sitting room to open presents and drink hot cocoa together (James had added a liberal splash of firewhiskey to each cup).

“Sirius, your hair is getting so long,” Mrs. Potter lightly brushed her hand over the top of his head as she walked past, collecting everyone’s now empty mugs.

“Yeah, I suppose it is…” Sirius tugged at a dark strand looking self-conscious all of a sudden, which didn’t happen all that often.

“It suits you, you look very handsome,” she beamed at him, effectively putting a proud grin on his face.

“I like it too,” Remus mumbled, more so to himself than anyone else.

“So what have you boys got planned for today?”

“We’re more than happy to help you cook!” Peter looked up at Mrs. Potter eagerly.

“So very sweet of you, but I’ll be quite alright. It’s your Christmas break, you should be having fun!”

“Well, actually,” Sirius got up from his chair and stretched. “I’ve been wanting to go to a record shop.”

“Great! Remus can come with you,” James grinned without skipping a beat.

“I suppose I can,” Moony agreed, albeit a little confused by James’ insistence. “What are you two going to do?”

“We’ve got...stuff, school stuff.”

“Oh really?” Mr. Potter peered at his son, but Remus never heard the rest of the conversation because Sirius grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the room, evidently extremely eager to get going.

“It might not even be open today,” Remus pointed out but proceeded to put his shoes and coat on nonetheless.

“I know how to pick locks, remember?” Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.

“That is very much illegal, remember?”

The walk to the Muggle town took about thirty chatter and laughter filled minutes, towards the end of which Sirius started complaining about being cold. Of course, that was to be expected since he was wearing a leather jacket and no gloves or scarf or hat. Just as Remus was pointing this out, they rounded a corner and saw the record shop on the other side of the street. They could hear music coming from it, but when they walked up the steps leading to the door, they saw a ‘closed’ sign. Just for good measure, Sirius rattled the handle, but it unsurprisingly didn’t budge.

They could clearly make out now that the music coming out through the open window on the side of the building was some kind of a french song. 

“What are you doing?” Remus asked slowly as he watched Sirius walk over to the window that was set in the wall just above his head, and, keeping his eyes on it, started walking backwards. 

“I’ll just take a quick peek. Maybe they’ll let us in.”

“Sirius, that’s a bit creepy,” Remus laughed, watching him jump up a couple of times before turning into a massive dog. He could jump a lot higher as Padfoot and so when he leapt up again, he used his strong front legs to hang over the windowsill. “At least technically not illegal, I suppose…”

“Oh merde!” A surprised yelp came from inside the building. “Mais qu'est-ce que c'est?” 

A brown haired boy, probably around their age, poked his head out the same window; after glancing around quickly, his eyes fell upon Remus. “Is this your puppy?” He asked squarely, a noticeable accent clinging to each word - French, Remus was sure.

“Er, yeah…” He pulled his lips into a smile, wondering how Sirius liked being referred to as a puppy.

The answer to that came in a loud, angry growl when the stranger tried to pet the dog. Then, Sirius leapt down to the ground and, having no choice at this point, sat down next to Remus looking rather like an obedient pet.

“Not very friendly? But ‘e has good taste in music.”

“Apparently so. We uh, didn’t mean to bother. Didn’t realise the shop would be closed.”

“Ah you are not bothering me. Come in...” The boy disappeared and seconds later opened the front door. “Please.”

Remus glanced down at Sirius, barely able to contain an amused smile, and gave him an almost imperceptible shrug before walking over to the boy. “Is it alright if my puppy comes in?”

“Of course. I don’t think my uncle would be pleased but ‘e is not ‘ere.”

“Does your uncle own this place then?” Remus asked, brushing his fingertips against the covers of records as we walked deeper into the shop, followed by Padfoot.

“Yes. I am only ‘ere for the ‘olidays. My parents think it would be _charmant_ to spend Christmas in the English countryside. But I think it is so boring ‘ere. I only like this shop,” the boy motioned around as he stopped in front of a record player. “Do you know this song?”

“No, I don’t think I’ve ever heard it…” Remus mumbled.

“I must play it for you from the beginning then!” And with that, the boy lifted the needle of the player and repositioned it at the edge of the vinyl disc. “It is a well known love song in France,” he added before lowering the needle again, allowing the music to fill the air.

The song was beautiful, Remus had to admit, even though he had no idea what they were singing about. He liked the sound of a beautiful language that seemed like it possessed magic beyond anything he’d ever learnt at Hogwarts. That night when Sirius was speaking French, talking him to sleep, Remus thought his heart was going to explode. He had listened to the hypnotising crooning of his voice, dreaming up images in his head of the words he was hearing were those of professing love. Of course, he was sure, Sirius was probably talking about how boring that week’s History of Magic lesson had been or something just as mundane. But he felt like he could have curled up in his voice all the same and spent a hundred years lying there, on that sofa, so close to him.

The boy wasn’t saying anything so Remus started pacing down the rows of boxes full of records, getting lost in the memory that the song had brought back in his mind. Sirius was striding alongside him the whole time, up until the song ended.

“‘E is comparing ‘is lover with the wind and smell of roses,” the boy spoke again right behind Remus, who hadn’t noticed him come up and flinched slightly. “‘E is saying that she is a beautiful love story, that ‘e will not stop reading it.”

“That’s...very poetic,” Remus blurted, feeling a bit out of the water discussing the topic. “What is she saying?”

“She says, it’s all just words. She does not believe ‘im anymore. She thinks it is only sweet, euh... _fragile_ words.”

“So it’s a sad song?” 

“Yes and no. Is it better to have _passion_ that is very short and go away, or is it better to never have it at all?” Again, Remus didn’t really know how to answer such a question, and posed by a stranger no less, all while Sirius was listening to them. “You are turning red,” the boy stated to add to it all. “British boys are so shy sometimes, I have noticed this.” A strange smirk played on his lips.

“You ask complicated questions, I suppose,” Remus answered, growing a little annoyed by the boy's obvious enjoyment in making him feel uneasy.

“Red suits you. I am called Vincent,” he turned around on his heel and strode over to the record player before glancing over his shoulder. “What is your name?”

“Remus,” Moony shoved his hands in his pockets and cast a glance at the black dog who was starting to squeal and whine a little.

“Remus… I like it. Do you live here, Remus? I’ve never seen you.”

“No, I’m just visiting for the holidays as well.”

“Ah, I see. ‘Ow long will you be ‘ere?”

“For another week or so.”

“Were you looking for something specific? To buy?” Vincent casually changed the topic, again.

“Er, not really. Just wanted to browse around, I guess.”

“Then what should I play now?”

Remus looked at Sirius out of the corner of his eyes, hoping he’d indicate to him somehow which record he wanted to hear; instead, he was peering at Vincent with unyelding intensity, almost glaring, if his canine snout allowed for such expression.

“H-how about Velvet Underground? Do you know them?” Remus looked over at Vincent from across the shop.

“I do not think so.” Regardless, he strode over to the box labelled ‘V’ and pulled out a record. “You can come closer, I will not bite,” he uttered once he stood in front of the player again.

“I might,” Remus mumbled without thinking as he shuffled deeper into the shop again.

Vincent lifted his face as the first notes of Sunday Morning filled the room; there was that same peculiar smile etched in his features. “Who are you visiting for the ‘olidays? Not a girlfriend--” his breath caught, eyes gleaming, before he added, “or a boyfriend?”

“No, just a friend and his family…” Remus answered, wondering if it was the language barrier that made the whole interaction so strange. “So how long will you be staying here for?” He asked, more out of politeness than anything else.

“Two weeks. Maybe this trip will not be so boring in the end?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Remus shrugged with a small smile, not really understanding what the boy meant.

Sirius seemed to be eager to get out of there, his whining growing ever louder, but Remus didn’t want to seem rude and walk out right then, when Vincent had just put on the record for them. He shot Sirius a quick, somewhat exasperated look and turned back to the French boy. “What do you think? Bit different than your music, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is very different. Is this your favourite artist?” He looked vaguely put off.

“Not really. I like a little bit of everything.”

“Ah, I see. I like the first song more. ‘E sounds, I don’t know… ‘ow do you say? Aggressive maybe, no?”

“I suppose Lou Reed doesn’t have the most pleasant voice…” Remus laughed a little, bobbing his head.

“Your puppy doesn’t like it?” Vincent looked over at Padfoot who, for all the boy knew, was agitated by the music.

“Oh, he likes it alright.”

There was a pause that stretched while the song went on; an awkward pause, Remus felt, as his smiling eyes kept wandering from Vincent to Padfoot, to boxes of records, to the player. He started wondering if maybe the boy was growing bored, maybe he regretted letting them in, maybe it was time to leave...

“How did you get these scars?” Vincent spoke softly, yet unexpectedly, and lifted his hand, as if intending to touch a long-healed mark on the side of Remus’ face; instead, his fingers hovered inches from Moony’s’ skin before he retracted them.

“Er…I-- It’s...” Moony stumbled over his words, surprised by the bluntness.

“Forgive me, I did not want to offend,” the boy pressed both hands to his chest; now it was him who seemed to be blushing. “I think they are beautiful.”

“You...what?”

The boy let out a small giggle. “They look very unique...in a good way. I think they make you more ‘andsome.”

Remus felt his ears get hot as he stared at the boy; it was as though he only now took a good look at him since he had entered the shop. Vincent was shorter than him, probably a little shorter than Sirius. He had brown hair and eyes that were so dark, they almost appeared black. He had perfectly straight teeth and a tanned glow to his skin, even in the middle of winter.

Before Remus could respond, Sirius bounded across the length of the shop and put his giant frown paws on his shoulder, nudging Vincent out of the way as he did so. 

“‘E is very funny dog!” The boy chuckled. 

“He is…” Remus pushed the dog off himself; Padfoot wasn’t relenting, however - he snatched the sleeve of his coat and started tugging at it, slowly inching backwards, towards the door. Remus wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave now. He was overcome by a kind of curiosity - this French boy seemed to be flirting with him. “I er...I think I ought to get going,” he breathed out, trying to shake Sirius off. “Thank you for...er, thank you.”

He felt a rush of excitement as the boy gave him a rather disappointed smile. Remus had become so wrapped up in his feelings for Sirius that he was taken aback by how nice it felt to have this stranger notice him, how flattered he was by it.

Just then, Vincent took Remus’ hand in his. “Come back again before you leave, Remus?”

“I-- I’ll try,” he beamed at the boy before giving in to Sirius and getting dragged outside.

Sirius didn’t waste any time before turning back into his human self, which Remus found a bit reckless, considering the boy might have been looking out the door or one of the windows.

“Well that was a drag,” he folded his arms over his chest as they started walking back the same way they had come. “What a pretentious little git.”

“I think he was alright…”

“Zis is a song about love, eet is not _aggressive_ but full of _passion_. But you wouldn’t know anything about eet, British boys are so _pudibond_ ,” Sirius did a cruel yet rather accurate impression and rolled his eyes. “Fils de pute prétentieux.”

Remus gaped at him, his whole upper body turned towards Sirius. “The fleas bothering you again, aren’t they? I’m telling you, we can get rid of them very easily,” he let out a melodious chuckle but Sirius merely pouted, hugging himself tighter.


	11. Silver Hoops and Purple Bisous

Sirius could barely contain his annoyance on the way back from the Muggle town, and yet, he couldn’t decide which was the bigger source of it - the pompous arse who was flirting with Remus, or the fact that Remus had reciprocated.

Up until now, Sirius could take solace in the benefit of doubt. Maybe Moony didn’t realise that Sirius had been flirting with him for months somehow? Maybe he was helplessly inept at picking up all the signs? Maybe he was bad at flirting back? Or maybe he wasn’t interested in boys altogether?.. Now, however, Sirius had to face the fact that Remus most definitely understood when someone was flirting with him, and that he seemed to rather enjoy the attention of this obnoxious French bloke. 

Moony seemed so pleased the whole way back; so cheerful and playful, that it made Sirius’ brooding even worse - all he wanted to do was grab that happy, smiling face and kiss some sense into it. Make him understand. Instead, he seethed silently at the prospect of perhaps never getting to do that at all.

“Oh, stop sulking, will you?” Remus held the door open for Sirius when they finally reached the Potters’ house. “We can go back there next week and you can browse through the records - using your human fingers - to your heart’s fullest content.”

“I don’t think I want to go back, it smelled weird in there.”

“Hey,” Remus’ voice dropped as his fingers wrapped around Sirius’ wrist, stopping him in his track in the doorway. “Did I do something?”

“What?” Sirius met those green eyes staring at him and saw a shadow of gloom in them now. “N-no, Moony, no. Of course you didn’t do anything.”

“Why do you two look like a pair of stuffed frogs?” Peter cast them a curious glance once they finally made their way into the house and up the stairs, where they stopped in the doorway of James’ bedroom.

Sirius didn’t feel like answering, and he didn’t have to either - Remus stole a quick glance at him and then turned to Peter with a smile and a shrug. “The shop was closed. Has anyone seen my striped brown jumper?”

“Er, the one you’re wearing?” James pointed at him.

“No, this is clearly more yellow than it is brown.” Remus mumbled, walking in the direction of Sirius' room. “I swear I saw it yesterday…”

Black’s eyes slid behind the boy while he himself stayed rooted to the spot, a slight crease appearing between his eyebrows, his mind replaying the scene at the record shop.

“Do you smell that, Peter?” James spoke quietly.

“What is it?” He asked, sniffing the air.

“That’s the smell of sexual tension.”

Peter laughed, then took a couple of sharp inhales. “Actually, that’s the smell of Christmas tea! Let’s go!” He jumped off the bed and darted past Sirius, out of the room. 

James got up as well, but Sirius remained immobile. “Not hungry?”

Sirius quickly looked down the hallway, then stepped into James’ room and swung the door almost all the way shut. “This crusty little bloke was flirting with Remus at the record shop.”

“With… Wh-- I thought it was closed?..”

“It was. And there he was, being all chivalrous and letting Remus in and chatting him up.”

“Letting Remus in? Where were you?” James’ voice got ever so slightly higher with confusion.

“I was there, I was just er, temporarily stuck being a dog…”

“Oh. Ohh… So...he was flirting with Moony?..”

“They were flirting with each other,” Sirius folded his arms over his chest and started nudging a stray sock that was lying on the floor with his toes.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“And you’re sure Moony was flirting with this bloke? For some reason, I can hardly picture him flirting...at all, really...”

“Would I be making such a ruckus about it if I wasn’t sure?” Sirius whispered heatedly.

“Well,” James was obviously steeling himself. 

Sirius breathed a loud, dramatic gasp. “Don’t bother answering.”

“So Moony’s into boys?.. But that’s good!”

“How exactly is that a good thing? Pardon my ignorance, but I don’t find the idea of Remus liking another boy particularly exciting.”

“Well-- But why wouldn’t he tell us?” James perked up suddenly. “Maybe he’s not into boys after all?”

“James,” Sirius put his hands on his friend’s shoulders, “what is the point of me talking to you if you’re just going to make me feel worse with every new thing you say?”

“Look, I would love nothing more than for you to be happy, because honestly, all this pining and whining is getting a little old-- ouch!” James rubbed a spot on his shoulder where Sirius had just pinched him. “But,” he continued pointedly, “you won’t get anywhere until you talk to Moony and tell him how you feel. I don’t see this ever ending any other way.”

It proved to be more difficult to be annoyed with a stomach full of delicious food, so Sirius (after him, Peter, Remus, and the Potters ate and moved to lounge lazily around the sitting room) resigned himself to moving on from the memory of that morning. He even managed to find some consolation in the fact that Remus didn’t mention the shop or the boy at all for the rest of the day. And with some luck, he thought, they were going to go back to Hogwarts without ever seeing him again. 

Unfortunately, it turned out to be nothing more than wishful thinking… A couple of days after Christmas, James’ parents rounded everyone up for a family outing to the same Muggle town. To Mr. and Mrs. Potters, the main attraction was a small bakery that they absolutely loved and could not figure out how anyone managed to make pastries so wonderful without magic. James and Peter were keen on getting their hands on some Muggle fireworks for New Year’s Eve celebrations ever since they’d learnt about such a thing, so they wholeheartedly approved of this plan as well. 

“Yeah, I think I want that,” Sirius found himself standing in front of a tattoo parlour window on that chilly December morning, pointing at a sign advertising piercing services. 

Mr. and Mrs. Potter exchanged amused looks behind his back, while Peter expressed his lack of interest in getting stabbed with needles. 

“Really?” James looked over at Sirius.

“Yeah. Why not?”

“I don’t know, I’m with Peter on this.”

“There’s probably too many of us to fit in there. How about we’ll go on and meet you boys at the bakery?” James’ mum suggested, but her son immediately shook his head.

“Peter and I will come with you, he’s been dreaming about those Cornish pasties, haven’t you?”

“I have? Yes, I have!” Peter flashed everyone a strangely manic grin and nodded vigorously.

The Potters and Peter started down the street. Sirius was about to turn to Moony and ask if he would hold his hand while getting pierced, but he never got around to it.

“Remus!” 

Sirius almost cringed at the sound of the nasal voice and he didn’t have to turn around to know that he was going to see the French boy standing on the other side of the street.

“I’ll be right there,” Remus assured Sirius quickly and crossed the road in a few big strides.

Sirius’ eyes lingered on the French git for a moment, as if searching him for a glimmer of hope, for some kind of giveaway that this Vincent bloke wasn’t really interested in Remus. In _his_ Remus. But of course, Sirius had been there when they met, he had heard the way the boy looked at Moony and witnessed the way he looked at him. And, Sirius was sure, Remus was just as aware of it. 

He turned around and went into the parlour to get his ears pierced. Somehow, he thought with a bitter smile, getting stabbed with needles matched his mood exactly in that moment. He decided to get silver hoops in both of his earlobes, completely unfazed by the piercers remark about that being ‘more of a lassies’ style’.

Unfortunately, from where he was asked to sit, he couldn’t see out the window, but his mind was still with Moony. The piercer was taking his time setting up, wiping his instruments and surfaces down, putting gloves on. He dotted Sirius’ lobes with a pen some five minutes later, to let him see where the earrings would go, and Remus was still nowhere to be seen. The piercer drove a needle through the first lobe, causing a hot, prickling sensation to blossom in the exact spot. He paused to remind Sirius that men usually went for just one lobe, then continued with the other. Finally, almost twenty minutes later, Sirius walked outside to find Remus still talking to the French boy.

His freshly pierced ears stung a little in the cold wind, almost as if egging him on, and without another thought, Sirius crossed the street.

“I did it,” he beamed at Moony, pushing his hair back to show off his new accessories. “What do you think? Do you like it?”

Remus started at him blankly for a second before mirroring his expression. “I do. Er, this is Vincent, Sirius,” still smiling, he gestured at the boy and looked at him next. “Vincent, Sirius.”

“Pleased to meet you,” the Frenchie cooed.

“Cool,” Sirius barely paid him a glance, focusing more on snaking his arm around Moony’s shoulders. “Should we go find the others?”

“Er, right.”

“Please. Don’t forget this,” Vincent thrust a folded piece of paper into Remus’ hand before planting light kisses on both of his cheeks.

Sirius’ instincts urged him to keep his arm around Moony, to take his hand, stroke his face, touch him any way he could, as if claiming him for himself. But the more sensible side of Black, one that was less emotional and more calculating, knew that he hadn’t deserved it. He had had plenty of opportunities to make a move, to tell Remus how he felt, but he never did. So could he really blame this poor French bastard for having the guts to be honest and straightforward about what he wanted?

And besides, it seemed like Moony had made his choice. Sirius wasn’t going to try and compromise that, no matter how much he would have liked to.

That evening, he got to see what the folded piece of paper bore inside it - Remus had placed it on the bedside table and Sirius couldn’t resist taking a peek. It was a note written in purple pen. It had the Frenchie’s address and phone number, by the looks of it. It also said ‘ _Remember what I told you. Bisous, Vincent_ ’ in slanted handwriting. Sirius couldn’t stop himself from snorting with a roll of his eyes.


	12. Silver Hoops and Black Cat

Sirius had been acting strange, Remus thought. It wasn’t his sudden desire to get his ears pierced - that bit was normal. That was exactly the kind of thing that he would do. It was something else, something Remus couldn’t fully verbalise. Overall, Sirius seemed fine, it’s just that there were little looks and sighs and words that told Remus there was something bothering his friend. He seemed vaguely irritated and distant, somehow, and Remus couldn’t figure out why. 

He had spent one afternoon wondering if maybe Vincent had caught Sirius’ eye, since his odd mood swing seemed to have been released into action right after that meeting. But that theory didn’t hold much water, seeing as Sirius categorically refused to go back to the record shop. He insisted that once was enough, for whatever that meant.

“Remus!” Someone hollered and he turned around to see the French boy on the opposite side of the street. He told Sirius he would be right back and hurried over to Vincent. 

Remus felt a mixture of excitement and unease in the pit of his stomach. In fact, he had hoped to run into the enigmatic stranger, he had pictured that meeting in his mind... But there was a tiny voice in his head that was onto him, that whispered about the unpleasant truth of it, the ugly little hope - maybe this could make Sirius jealous, make him understand that he was deeply and madly in love with Remus?

“You told me you were not ‘ere with your boyfriend?” Vincent spoke again once Remus reached him.

“Er… Pardon me?” His eyebrows dipped in polite confusion momentarily, his head tilting to the side.

“That boy, is ‘e not your boyfriend?”

Following Vincent’s gaze, Remus glanced back over his shoulder to see Sirius walking into the tattoo parlour. “No...” he uttered and, after a moment’s hesitation, added, “Why do you ask?”

“‘E looked at me like my mother looks at my father’s mistress,” Vincent shrugged, an expression of utmost nonchalance etched into his face, as if he hadn’t just said anything peculiar at all.

“How very French… No, no, that’s just how Sirius looks sometimes; he got into this edgy phase a couple of years ago and...I digress...” Remus trailed off and his mind wandered to what Lily had said a couple of weeks ago. How she too thought that there was something going on, that Sirius harboured a secret crush on him.

As much as it gave Remus an excited fluttering feeling in his stomach, he couldn’t keep mild annoyance at bay. Why did people not understand that him and Sirius had been friends for years? Of course, Vincent didn’t know that, but still… They were really close, all of the Marauders were. Naturally, Sirius was going to care and look out for him. But maybe even more than that, Remus found it annoying that it still gave him a rush of hope...

“You never came back to the record shop.”

“Yeah… I’m sorry, I’ve been preoccupied, I suppose. Has your imprisonment in the boring English countryside gotten any easier to bear?”

“Not really. Unfortunately, I ‘ave learnt that English girls are very...what is the word... _assertive_?”

“Assertive? How so?”

“They ask me out every day and every day I tell them that I do not like girls. They think they can convince me, maybe?” 

“Well, please do accept my condolences. It must be really hard, being so attractive,” Remus teased him with an amused chuckle.

“ _Oui!_ I cannot bear it…” Vincent rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Can I ask you… How did you know that...that I like boys?” Remus smiled abashedly.

“I ‘ad a feeling, perhaps. I didn’t know but I ‘oped. I was right then?”

“Yeah… You were.”

“You look very nice today,” Vincent stated bluntly as if it were a fact, causing Remus to chuckle.

“A little scuffed up but not too shabby overall, I suppose?”

“Is that ‘ow you always take a compliment?”

“I don’t know, I don’t get complimented that often, I guess.”

“I do not believe it,” Vincent folded his arms over his chest.

“Shocking, I know.”

“Well next time you should just say ‘thank you’.”

“Thank you. I think you look very nice, too.”

“Would you like to ‘ave a cup of coffee with me?”

“Er, yes, sure,” Remus felt his ears get hot. For the past few days, he kept going between being sure that Vincent had flirted with him and then convincing himself that he had merely imagined that, or remembered it wrong. But there was no denying it now - Vincent was asking him out on a coffee date and it felt exhilarating. 

“‘Ow about now?”

“Er…” Remus cast a glance back at the tattoo parlour; he really just wanted to be in there, with Sirius, he realised. As thrilling as it was to have Vincent stand in front of him and say all the things he was saying...he just wasn’t Sirius. There was no other way to put it.

“Not a good time?”

“Not really. I’m sorry.”

“You apologise a lot,” Vincent let out a melodious laugh. 

“I can’t help feeling a bit inadequate in front of you…” Remus echoed it.

“Don’t. I am so glad to see you again,” Vincent’s face relaxed into a bright smile. “I ‘ave been thinking about ever since you left that day.”

“You have?” 

“Yes. There is something special about you, I knew it the moment I saw you,” Vincent peered up into his eyes with a glint of eagerness or curiosity, Remus couldn’t tell. “Is that too, euh...direct?”

“No…” Remus beamed without realising; he almost laughed at the thought of that ‘something special’ being his lycanthropy. And then he smiled wider because Vincent didn’t know and would never know about it. To him, Remus was just a normal boy. Not only that - a boy that he thought was special and interesting enough for him to be standing there in that moment, offering up his thoughts and feelings for his consideration. And yet...

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” For the first time, there was an ounce of shyness in Vincent’s smile.

“No… I just...” What? He just what? He wasn’t sure what he was going to say but before he could figure it out, Vincent spoke instead.

“If you are not interested, you can just say it. I can’t lie, I would be disappointed, but I would rather know anyway.” 

Remus knit his eyebrows together, inhaling a lungful of air as his mind settled into place. “It’s not that I’m not interested...in you. You are lovely, I’m sure. But I suppose I can’t truthfully lead you on to think that--” His breath caught. How could he explain to this charming Frenchman that even in his presence, all Remus could think about was how he wished that it was Sirius telling him these things? “There’s someone else. I’m not _with_ anyone, but there’s someone that I can’t seem to get out of my head. And I don’t think it would be fair to you if I were to pretend that that’s not the case.”

“But… Why are you not with this person then?” Vincent’s expression was that of utter bewilderment.

“I don’t think,” Remus was choosing his words slowly, deliberately, “he is interested in being with me, I suppose.”

“Oh _pour l'amour de baiser_! The person who does not see how special you are does not deserve you, don’t you know?”

“I’m very flattered, Vincent. You have no idea how flattered, really,” Remus offered him a pleading smile, as if to make him understand what he was saying better. 

“I will give you my address and my phone number. Maybe you will change your mind about this person who does not notice you.”

“Maybe…”

“I think you should. If this person you speak of was worth your time, they would show it. You should not ‘ave a doubt about someone who truly sees you.”

“I-- I can’t argue with that, I guess,” Remus let out a weary chuckle. “You’re very nice.”

“Please remember that you do not need to waste your time on someone who does not care. And send me a postcard. ‘Ere,” Vincent glanced behind Remus and pulled out a little notebook and a pen. He quickly jotted something down, ripped a page out, and started folding it in half twice.

“I did it!” Remus’ vision was suddenly obscured by a mass of black windswept waves that was Sirius’ hair. “What do you think?” He was leaning in so close to show off his new piercings that Remus needed a second to catch his breath before answering.

“I do.”

In fact, that was a gross understatement - Remus couldn’t comprehend why or how, but these new accessories made Sirius even more outrageously attractive than he normally was. 

And then Sirius put his arm around him - which wasn’t anything out of the norm - and Remus felt like he really was the most special person in the world. He knew it was silly, he knew that Vincent was probably right - that he was wasting his time pining after someone he could never have… But in moments like this, it was hard to maintain a firm grip on reality and far easier to slip into a daydream.

* * *

The Marauders had come back to Hogwarts a couple of days before most of the other kids. Whenever possible, they would always make sure they could spend the full moon in the Shrieking Shack, since it felt like a much safer environment than any other place.

It wasn’t as bad this time around; none of the boys sustained any significant injuries and, more importantly, Remus told Sirius the following morning that he could remember almost the entire night - albeit through thick fog, but still remember it more than most full moon nights. However, Madam Pomfrey still wanted to keep him in the hospital wing for a couple of days.

Sirius had borrowed James’ invisibility cloak to sneak out of the Gryffindor tower and into the hospital dormitory the night after the full moon. He wanted to make sure that Remus was okay, that he wasn’t lying wide awake and bored or that he wasn’t hungry or in pain… Both James and Peter were eager to check in on their friend, but there was a sense of solidarity between them that meant they didn’t even have to say it out loud to know that Sirius had to be the one to go see Moony. 

When Sirius got there, Remus was fast asleep. Again, it was a very good sign, but Sirius still lingered for about half an hour before making his way back.

He pulled the invisibility cloak off himself the moment the portrait door swung shut behind him. There was no one else in the common room - except for someone’s drowsy black cat. The feline lifted its head lazily to glance at Sirius and he smiled at it as though greeting a familiar face. He went over to one of the armchairs and slumped down in it; sleep just didn’t feel like a realistic possibility that night.

He sat in silence for a while, wondering if Remus had already written a letter to the French git and if so, then what had he said in it? The more he thought about it, the more bitterness bubbled in the pit of his stomach. He felt that the French guy didn’t deserve Moony; that he was too plain and too clueless and too...everything that he was. He wondered if Moony actually, truly liked him, if he had written a love letter to him… Without even realising, Sirius snorted, causing the cat to flinch.

“Sorry,” he said. “It’s just that...oh, you wouldn’t understand.”

The cat narrowed its eyes at him.

“You’re not McGonagall, are you? No, she’s not a black cat...” He sunk deeper into the armchair, as if physically weighed down by gloomy thoughts. “You see, Wormtail and Prongs think I should tell Remus that I fancy him, but I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea…” Sirius started speaking quietly, slowly, as if raking through the mess that was his mind. “I’ve been flirting with him day and night, and he hasn’t reacted to it at all. I’d say he’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic not to have noticed, but Moony’s pretty smart, actually… In fact, he’s possibly the most intelligent person I know. Of course, he would never admit to it…” Sirius sprang up to his feet all of a sudden and started pacing back and forth, the cat following him with its shining eyes. “He has all these ridiculous ideas in his head about how he’s not enough of this and too much of that…” Sirius flailed his arms and gave the cat an exasperated look; the feline hissed. “Exactly! There’s a fine line between being humble and dimming your own light. It’s a bit absurd, innit? And he’s the most attractive boy in this entire goddamn castle…” Sirius paused and then dramatically slumped down into the empty armchair, still looking at the cat. “He’s so gorgeous… He has such nice hands too, have you ever noticed?” At these words, the cat meowed at him. “Well, no,” Sirius frowned at it momentarily. “It’s not just his devilishly good looks that I’m attracted to, obviously. I mean, he _is_ just so dreamy… But also incredibly kind - the kindest one out of the four of us, no doubt. He genuinely cares about people, a lot. Hey! Do you think maybe he was just trying to be nice to that French berk? No?.. Yeah, I don’t know…” He trailed off and now it looked like the cat was watching him intently.

“Remus he can _seem_ a bit reserved,” Sirius opened his mouth again, “you know, but that’s just the facade. He’s actually fucking hilarious. And, while we’re at it, have you ever met anyone else who could be turning into a werewolf every month, always have time for his friends, _and_ somehow still remain at the top of every class? Didn’t think so. I’m just so happy when I’m around him, you know? You ever feel that with your kitty pals? It’s the kind of happiness that I never really thought I could experience-- not to get too personal with you, but my parents? Horrible people. I remember, when I was little I thought, well if this is love, then fuck this rubbish. It just kind of gave me really low expectations, you know? So long as I’m not completely miserable, I wouldn’t be fussed about anything. But Remus makes me feel so...” He trailed off, staring into the fireplace for a moment while the cat started grooming itself. Then Sirius perked up again, scooting to the very edge of his seat, leaning towards the feline who froze with its leg up in the air and stared back at him. “Maybe I don’t deserve him? Maybe that’s what it is? He’s too good for me. I mean, I think I could make him happy if he let me, but maybe--”

“Who are you talking to?” A yawning voice asked from the top of the stairs to the dormitories and, startled by it, Sirius turned into a big black dog, causing the cat to do a double take.

“Bloody hell, you scared the shit out of me…” Sirius glared at James once he returned to his human form.

“Why aren’t you in bed? I woke up and you weren’t there...I wondered if you’d gotten caught.”

“Come on, Prongs, would I ever get caught?”

“You’re right…” James nodded with another yawn bursting out of him. “How is he?”

“Asleep.”

“Good. I’m going back to bed then…”

“You do that, Prongs.”

“Night, Pads…”

“Night.” Sirius watched James disappear behind their dormitory door and then looked back at the cat again. “Sorry about that, he’s always been pretty tactless, that boy has… Where was I?”

While Sirius was trying to retrieve his train of thought, the cat got up and leapt over from the sofa into his lap. He started petting it absent-mindedly. “But if he likes _Vincent_ then can I really do anything about it?” The room was enveloped in complete silence for a moment before the cat started purring. “I don’t know what you mean but I feel like you’re right…”


	13. Lily’s Revelation and A Sleeping Dog

Lily had been sitting on the floor in the Gryffindor common room, leaning her back against the edge of one of the sofas; she had assumed this position about two hours into doing Ancient Runes homework, which was proving to test both her and Remus’ willpower.

“I’m just missing about an inch…” She mumbled and Remus leaned over from his armchair to scan Lily’s parchment with his eyes.

“It seems like you're contradicting yourself here… See, because up here you said…”

“Bloody hell…”

“For how much everyone talks about how difficult sixth year is, I am deeply shocked to find myself somehow still surprised by just how hard,” he leaned back in his seat with a tired chuckle.

“What if my conclusion is that it’s inconclusive?” Lily asked, obviously not needing an answer, frowning at her essay.

“Yeah, I’m starting to suspect this was a trick assignment. If we had been--”

“You’re bleeding, Remus!” Lily snatched his forearm, careful not to touch a thin red line that was appearing on the sleeve of his shirt.

“Oh...that’s...yeah…” He retracted his limb and shuffled uncomfortably in the armchair. “It’s nothing.”

Lily didn’t say anything but rather simply eyed Remus, her eyes full of about a dozen different emotions and thoughts. This wasn’t the first time that he had fresh wounds that never seemed to have an explanation. Their appearance, Lily had noticed, was always preceded by a mysterious visit to the hospital wing which, as far as she could tell, happened every month. She knew for a fact that Remus would often spend the night or two in the hospital dormitory, although not every time. But most importantly of all, she’d observed, these hospital visits and fresh wounds always coincided with the full moon.

She didn’t tell Remus this, but before she went home for Christmas, she had spent some time in the library, looking up information about werewolves. They had been taught about them in Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons a couple of years prior so she wasn’t completely unfamiliar with the subject, but she didn’t want to assume anything. 

At first, when the thought popped up in her head, it was almost jokingly that she considered it. But soon she couldn’t deny that it made sense, that everything made sense, if that were the case. Now, Lily was almost completely sure that Remus Lupin was a werewolf; she wondered how she hadn’t figured it out before, it seemed almost laughable that she had known this person for years and had no clue… But then again, they had never been friends exactly. She had never spent much time with him until the beginning of their sixth year. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Remus spoke quietly, and yet it made Lily flinch ever so slightly as she felt herself being jerked out of her thoughts.

“Like what?” She asked, flustered. 

“Strangely.”

“I don’t know, it’s just how my face is.” She had decided a while ago to never bring up what she suspected to Remus. She felt that that would have been the grossest robbery of his privacy and free will. “Alright, I’ve done a good amount tonight. I can’t read or write anymore, it’s all blurring together.”

“Moony!” The voice of Sirius Black rang out through the entire common room out of nowhere and before Lily could turn around, Remus’ three friends were flocking around them.

But the unexpected arrival of the boys wasn’t what truly startled her. _Moony_ , she thought, _of course_. She’d heard Remus’ nickname before on a handful of occasions but she never thought anything of it. In any case, it never came up between the two of them seeing as they didn’t spend much time together in the other boys’ presence. But it made sense. It made perfect sense…

“There’s that strange look again,” Remus chuckled, his eyes fixed upon Lily. “Maybe we should take a break from Runes over the weekend?”

“I _don’t_ know what you’re talking about, Moony… I mean, Remus!” She corrected herself, all the while James was making himself comfortable no more than an inch away from her on the sofa.

“Did you just call me Moony?”

“No. I mean, I guess, yes…” Lily cast a sideways glance at James, who was staring at her squarely, and scooted away a little bit, only to have him move closer again.

“Ah well you see, we call him Moony because--”

“I didn’t ask why,” Lily attempted her best nonchalant impression as she cut across Peter; she had no desire to either have his friends out him or make them lie to her. “I mean, surely, it’s because of the Moon.”

“Wait… Did you tell her?” James’ eyes bore into Remus’ face.

“I didn’t, James,” there was a note of impatience in his voice.

“Why is she being so weird then?” Sirius, who had sat down on the other side of Lily, squinted at her sideways.

“Maybe she’s seen something?” Peter offered, also narrowing his eyes at the girl.

“Do you think she suspects something?” James went on.

“She probably does now,” Remus said in a voice that was definitely accompanied by a roll of his eyes.

“Alright, alright. Are you messing with me?” Lily looked around at all the boys.

“She wants to know if we’re messing with her,” Sirius leaned to look at James over her.

“I would never!” James gasped.

“But is _she_ messing with _us_?” Peter piped up.

“Are they always this insufferable?” Lily asked loudly, looking at Remus.

“No, no. They’re usually much worse. You’re not curious about what they think you know?”

“No,” Lily answered without missing a beat, locking eyes with Remus, whose face was painted with an inarticulate emotion now.

“Because you do know?” He asked after a pause, quietly; but Lily didn’t need to answer - she merely looked down at the rug, causing Sirius to let out a gasp. “Well. To be fair, I would have been a little offended on your behalf if you never figured it out,” Remus spoke again. 

Lily stole a glance at him but she couldn’t make out whether he was mad or upset or relieved. “Is it true then?” Her voice came out just above a whisper as she looked up again.

“Does anyone else know?” Sirius sounded rather menacing all of a sudden.

“Don’t be rude, Sirius, she asked first,” Remus continued with the same nondescript note in his voice as he looked over at Lily; he looked paler suddenly, she thought. “Yes. I am a,” he quickly glanced around and sighed, “monster, for lack of a better word.”

“Shut up, Remus!” Sirius growled and turned to the girl again. “Does anyone else know?”

“If you’re asking if I’ve told anyone - of course not!” Lily glared at him indignantly. “But… How long…”

“About a decade, give or take,” Remus mumbled and Lily stared at him wordlessly, her eyes popped in disbelief.

“Lads, do you think she knows about the rest of us too?” Peter glanced around fearfully.

“Oi! She is here and capable of speaking for herself,” Lily snapped out of it. “And-- what do you mean, the rest of you? You’re not all...” She looked at each one of the boys.

“This one is not for me to talk about,” Remus said looking down at the book in his lap; he still seemed tense.

“Well,” James cleared his throat. “Sirius, Peter, and I are--”

“Really now?!” Sirius exclaimed. “We’re making this public knowledge?”

“Lily is not public,” James pouted.

“I think we should tell her,” Peter chimed in.

“You’re only saying that because she yelled at you,” Sirius frowned at him.

“I think we should tell her too!”

“That’s only because you’re in love with her, Prongs!”

“So?”

“Remus?”

“Sirius, this is really not for me to decide. If you’re asking for my opinion, I trust Lily completely.”

“Fine then!” Sirius sighed angrily before dropping his voice. “We’re animagi. There.”

“Excuse me, what?” Lily leaned back in shock as she stared back at him and then laughed when no one said anything. “I see, you _are_ messing with me.”

“I personally wish we were,” Remus gave her a sad smile. “But alas.”

“Are you serious?” Lily slowly looked over at Peter and then at James.

“Yes,” Sirius answered impatiently.

Lily gasped and, without thinking, locked his forearm in a rough grasp. “I don’t believe it!”

“I know, I was surprised too,” Peter mumbled. 

“But that is extremely advanced magic!” She gaped in awe; Sirius, in the meantime, gently unclasped her fingers from around his arm and moved her hand over to James’ wrist.

“I’ll say. It was a fucking drag, it took forever…” Sirius bobbed his head.

Lily knew that they were telling her the truth, but as she listened to them talk about how they managed to finally change into animals just the previous year and how they would go to the Shrieking Shack with Remus, she just couldn’t wrap her head around it.

“But… Surely, the staff know,” she mumbled as if answering her own unasked question, “but how come no one else knows?” 

“The staff know about _me_ ,” Remus clarified.

“We’re unregistered,” James added.

“Unbelievable! But no one else knows about Remus?”

“Snape does, actually...”

“He does?!”

“I’m surprised he never told you, that greasy little git,” Sirius folded his arms over his chest.

“But how long has he known?”

“Since last year. Sometime around the beginning of second term, I guess.”

“Ah well, I haven’t been talking to him much lately… So your arm,” she looked over at Remus again. “Is that from...from this past full moon?”

“What’s wrong with your arm?” James’s voice was tinged with alarm while Sirius got up to his feet and leapt over to where Remus was sitting.

“I don’t have any Dittany on me!” Peter too sounded panicked.

James stood up as well and put his hands around his mouth to amplify his voice. “Does anyone have any essence of Dittany?” 

“It’s just a scab that’s peeled off,” Sirius mumbled, holding Remus’ wrist in one hand and using the other to push his sleeve up.

James sat down again, both him and Peter looking relieved, while Sirius started murmuring incantations, cleaning the blood off Remus’ arm and shirt. Lily watched the scene wide-eyed, slightly dazed almost. She understood now why Sirius seemed to care so deeply and so gently for Remus. And not just him - Peter and James seemed to share that same unconditional love for their friend, that urge to make sure that he’s okay. She couldn’t keep a smile at bay at the sight.

“Well then,” Lily finally managed to collect herself somewhat. “We’ll have to work out some kind of a schedule so I can help you with notes and homework,” she looked at Remus. 

“You don’t have to--”

“Don’t be stupid, N.E.W.T.s are just around the corner. You don’t want to fail anything, do you? Blimey, you’ve always been at the top of every class...”

“Well,” Remus sounded more at ease now, a small smile playing on his lips. “I’ve always had help.”

“So modest, this one,” Peter rolled his eyes with a chuckle. 

“We have nothing to do with how good you are at everything. If anything, we have the opposite effect,” Sirius put his wand away and perched himself up on the armrest of Remus’ chair.

“Really now, Moons, don’t make me look like a huge nerd in front of Evans, will you?” James huffed dramatically.

“You know what,” Lily’s expression rearranged itself into a smirk as she sat back more comfortably. “I’m very much into nerds. Can’t get enough of them,” she added as the boys all started laughing at James.

* * *

“I just keep feeling that jolt every time I start dozing off…” Remus mumbled sleepily in the dark.

He had woken up with a start just seconds before and he must have made enough of a ruckus to tip Sirius off - he had asked if Remus was okay, temporarily startling him even more since he didn’t know anyone else was awake.

“We’ve got to get you some Sleeping Draught from Madam Pomfrey,” Sirius replied. “She’s offered it before.”

“I don’t need it, it’ll just make me even more drowsy the rest of the day.”

“You’ve not been sleeping though. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“ _You_ haven’t been sleeping.”

“Don’t deflect,” Sirius’ voice came out of the dark and Remus could hear a smile in it.

It warmed his heart immensely whenever Sirius said and did things that meant he cared. And the way that he cared was different - over the years, Remus had gotten really good at distinguishing between care and pity. Some of his relatives that knew about his lycanthropy always treated him as though he was fragile, as though he would shatter and explode any second. Even his own parents sometimes looked at him with eyes full of sorrow and regret that, as far as Remus was concerned, was no one else’s but his to feel. And ever since he’d had that terrifying conversation with Lily, he had been thinking back on their friendship, understanding finally why she was so nice, so kind to him. 

But Sirius never once, in all the years, looked at him as if he felt sorry for him. On the contrary, when he found out about Remus’ condition, he said something along the lines of it being ‘wicked’ before he proceeded to tell him that he’d have to come up with a better excuse to push his friends away. And then he effortlessly fell into this routine of, well, caring for him. That moment, that confession, was nothing more to Sirius, it seemed, than an opportunity to prove his friendship, and he had done it every day since.

“I’m fine,” Remus drawled, “my head’s just been buzzing with too much stuff. Even Lily Evans is cracking under the pressure of sixth year, how can anyone else stand a chance?”

There was a long pause before Sirius spoke again. “How do you feel about her knowing about your furry little problem?”

“Oh, you know, the usual - just hoping she doesn’t start seeing me as a monster and slowly distance herself from me until we become less than acquaintances.”

“Moony, shut the fuck up. For what it’s worth, she took it a lot better than Peter,” Sirius whispered and they both sniggered, remembering their friend’s pale, horror-stricken face on a night a few years ago.

“She did, didn’t she? Almost too well.”

“Too well?”

“Yeah,” Remus pulled his shoulders into a shrug as he stared at the underside of his bed’s canopy through the thick darkness. “Who knows what she’s really thinking, you know?”

“I think I do know, actually. She’s probably thinking that you don’t deserve this but that there isn’t a soul in this entire castle that would cope with it better than you do, and she’s probably feeling pretty special to have earned your trust. She’s probably hoping that you don’t push her away, too.”

Remus lay there, unable to conjure any words to respond to what Sirius had said. His lips twitched, wanting to form syllables, to verbalise the mess that was his mind, but he couldn’t. 

“You there, Moony?”

“Yeah…”

“I thought you fell asleep.”

“I wish.”

“Do you want some chamomile tea?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Are you hungry? Did you eat enough at dinner? Maybe that’s why you can’t sleep?”

“I’m not hungry, Pads.”

“Are you cold? Hot?”

“No…”

“Not enough pillows? Too many pillows?”

“Shut up,” Remus wheezed out through a chuckle.

“Alright, I’m coming over…”

“You’re what?” Remus asked, but no answer came; instead, he heard Sirius’ mattress creaking followed by some shuffling, and then a big, black dog leapt onto his bed. “What are you doing?”

Of course, Padfoot couldn’t answer and instead, he made himself comfortable at the foot of the bed, lying down across Remus’ legs.

“Unless you’re going to smother me to death in the middle of the night so I can sleep forever, I don’t see how this is supposed to help me?”

The black dog got up, turned around on the spot a few times, and lied down again, a little closer to the head of the bed this time.

“You don’t have to turn into a dog just to get out of talking to me, you know.”

At this, Padfoot lightly bit Remus’ hand, as if in place of a verbal protest.

Frankly, Remus couldn’t argue with the comfort that having another body there provided him with; Padfoot’s slow, steady breathing, the warmth of him, his presence was nothing short of soothing. Soon enough, he started dozing off again. He found himself just barely awake a couple times throughout the night, just enough to make out Padfoot's massive mound of a silhouette, before falling back asleep. 

Finally, he had no idea how many hours later, he could almost physically feel himself being gently pulled out of his dreams, his waking mind finally registering James’ voice talking about Sirius. Remus fluttered his eyes open and a couple of seconds later, everything became focused and sharp as his surroundings came into view in the dimmed morning light. He realised then that he wasn’t alone in his bed - Sirius, in his beautiful human form, was sleeping next to him, only one of his feet covered by the blanket, his other leg and arm draped loosely across Remus’ own body.

“Remus, are you awake? Have you seen…” the curtain of his bed flew open to reveal James, whose face suddenly fell into a surprised expression before a smirk found its way onto his lips, “...Sirius.”

“Mornin’,” Sirius yawned and stretched next to Remus; evidently, James’ yelping had finally managed to wake him up.

“You lot finally figured it out then?”

“Figured out what?” Remus raised his eyebrows, all while excruciatingly aware of how close he was to Sirius.

“You know, your...thing. Well, I’ll be the first one to say I’m happy you did because I’ve been tired of listening--”

“James,” Sirius spoke with noticeable patience.

“What thing? Were we supposed to be fighting or something?” Remus looked at the two boys.

“Fighting…” James chuckled. “I mean, it’s obviously not just about me, but it _was_ getting a bit--”

“James.”

“What? Is this a secret? I don’t need to tell anyone, but Peter should probably know…”

“What is he talking about?” Remus turned to Sirius, his face just inches away.

“I wish I could give you an answer, Moony.”

“What...what do you mean?” James finally stopped blabbering.

“James, Moony couldn’t sleep last night.”

“So you crawled into his bed?” James furrowed his eyebrows.

“Actually, technically, Padfoot the dog did.”

“Okay, alright, I see… Er, Sirius, could you come in here to help me with...something?” James turned on his heel swiftly and started walking across the dormitory.

“You want me to come help you with something...in the bathroom?” Sirius asked brightly as James held the door open, waiting for his friends.

“Yes.”

“Moony--” Sirius started but was interrupted.

“I want no part in this. He’s probably got something illegal in there,” Remus chuckled, sitting up in bed.

“No, I was just going to say, I slept really well. Thanks,” Sirius said as he got out of bed and then followed James into the bathroom.

Remus could hear the two boys talking quietly, almost whispering, behind the closed door, but he didn’t care much for it. Yes, his mind was still drifting over what James had said, wondering what he was talking about, but far more importantly than that, the thing that left Remus in a daze was the fact that Sirius had slept in his bed and then thanked him for it. 

Unable to fight a smile away, he got out of bed and started getting ready for the day. Surely, it was going to be a lovely one.


	14. Patronuses, Tactics, and Signs

January was rapidly coming to an end and the heavy clouds in the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall were the exact shade of the dreary moods of pupils and staff alike. The day’s Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons was prefaced, as if on purpose, by an article in the Daily Prophet about another attack on three Muggle-born witches who were tortured by a gang of Death Eaters and then given to Dementors to perform a Kiss. As a group of sixth year Gryffindors got up from their table at breakfast and made their way across the castle, that was all they could talk about, for one of the victims was the aunt of a fifth year Gryffindor girl. 

“Severus wants to join them, you know. The Death Eaters...” Lily spoke quietly, casting a glance at the back of Snape’s head, once the Gryffindors reached the classroom.

“You’re joking?” Remus raised his eyebrows.

“Does that really surprise anyone?” Mary, one of Lily’s friends, chimed in. 

“I knew he was a dickwad, sure, but joining the Death Eaters is a whole new level of evil, don’t you think?” Remus offered with a shrug. 

“Who’s joining the Death Eaters?” Sirius followed them into the classroom and took a seat next to Remus.

“Take a guess…”

“No way,” James breathed out.

“He wasn’t always like that, you know…” Lily whispered, not looking at anyone in particular.

“Don’t defend him,” Marlene hissed on the other side of her. “After how he treated you.”

“I’m not. I’m just saying… Remus is right.”

“What a piece of shit,” Sirius growled and Peter echoed the sentiment. 

The professor finally silenced everyone and started the lesson. The mood in the room remained just as somber, if not more, than it had been the whole morning. The students were told that in light of the recent events and the state of the Wizarding world as a whole, their D.A.D.A. lessons would be altered accordingly. That morning, instead of following the pre-planned course, they were going to jump straight to the Patronus Charm. 

“That sounds really difficult,” Peter sighed after they went through the theory part and were about to start practicing.

“Oh come on, you’ll do just fine!” Lily whispered at him, casting a quick, eloquent glance. “You’re capable of magic that’s far more complex than this.”

“I don’t know, that was different…”

“Don’t waste your breath, Lily. Peter’s got a flair for dramatics,” James smirked at his friend.

“Come on, Wormy, you’ll have a rat Patronus flying around in no time,” Sirius patted the boy on the back.

“You think that’s how that works?” James asked a little quieter, so that only the other Marauders and Lily could hear him.

“Let’s find out!” Sirius grinned at him.

The first one out of the five to successfully cast a Patronus Charm was Lily, about an hour into the double lesson; it was a hedgehog. James wasn’t too far behind her with his stag, then Peter managed to produce a rat. Sirius kept joking about how Remus had better pull himself together or else, he was going to be left behind. And what happened was just that - Sirius successfully cast a corporeal Patronus in the shape of a dog, while Remus was still shooting out faint silvery webs of light out of his wand.

Unbeknownst to the others, he felt a panic grow inside him with each of his friends’ successful charms. By the time they all saw Peter’s rat, Remus was convinced that his Patronus would surely assume the shape of a werewolf. And with that thought, all happy memories were wiped out of his head. He had no desire to let anyone see that.

“Still no luck?” Sirius appeared at Remus’ side.

“Er, no.”

“Weird.”

“Weird?”

“Uh-huh. You’re always the best at everything, out of the four of us.”

“Evidently not,” said Remus.

“Maybe Snivellus is blocking your good memories?” Sirius’ gaze drifted across the room, to where Snape was practicing with the other Slytherins. 

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so? Maybe I should jinx him, just in case?”

“How about no?” Remus completely forgot what he was doing, his undivided attention now on Sirius.

He still thought that Sirius had been acting off, somehow. Remus had noticed him become seemingly completely zoned out quite often, not really participating in conversations around him. Other times, he thought Sirius was staring, deep in thought, but Remus never could figure out what it was. Or rather who; he was sure that this strange behaviour must have been related to Sirius’ mysterious crush.

Frankly, sometimes Remus forgot that he had overheard Sirius telling Peter and James about fancying someone. It seemed like it had happened a long time ago, almost as if it had been years instead of months. Part of the reason was that Sirius never asked anyone out or mentioned anything about it, as far as Remus knew. But on the other hand, Remus sometimes found himself lost in a serendipitously intimate moment with Sirius, like leaning in much closer than needed to tell a silly joke or holding hands, completely innocently, as they made their way through a crowded corridor before lunch or sharing a bed - in those moments, it seemed impossible that anyone else could exist in the world but them two.

But then Remus would remember that Sirius did fancy someone else, and he would scold himself silently for letting himself drown in his idiotic daydreams.

“I’ll just fix his hairstyle,” Sirius aimed his wand at Snape. “Bald will suit him better than greasy, don’t you think?”

“Sirius, no.”

“You don’t think so?” Sirius’ head jerked, utter disbelief taking over his face momentarily.

“I mean…” Remus grinned.

“How about a unibrow?”

“No.”

“Maybe just a little Tickling Charm then?”

“Sirius.”

“Remus?” Sirius looked at him with a wide, toothy smile.

“No.”

“Oh, fine,” he let out a defeated sigh. “Alright, drop the act, Moony.”

“What?” Remus’ bewilderment permeated his voice.

“Why are you pretending that you can’t conjure a corporeal Patronus?”

“I’m not…”

“Well then I’m offended.”

“You’re offended?” Remus repeated slowly.

“Yes, gravely.”

“Sirius,” He placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder with an expression of mock worry, “what the _fuck_ are you talking about?”

“I like it when you say my name like that,” Sirius smirked and Remus barely stopped himself from flinching away in an effort to hide his flustered face. Instead, he rolled his eyes. “Evidently, our friendship’s only brought sadness and misery into your life if you can’t think of a single happy memory that’s good enough for a Patronus,” Sirius said.

“Oh, shut up,” Remus turned away, a huge smile splitting his face.

“If it assumes the shape of our furry little friend,” Sirius shrunk the space between him and Remus and spoke barely above a whisper, “everyone will just think it’s wicked cool. And if not, I will personally jinx them.”

As Remus stared down at the floor, he could feel Sirius’ breath on the side of his face, all his worries slipping away, as if repelled by magic. He felt his wand glow with warmth in his hand, as if it was suddenly ready for the charm to be cast.

“Sirius!” James called him over and, with a quiet groan, the boy stepped away from Remus. 

Remus cleared his mind, only thinking of one thing - of how Sirius was always ready to stand up for him, to defend him, how he had done that many times. And how he always thought so highly of Remus, always acted like he was proud of him. Any memory, he thought, any moment spent around Sirius was a happy one.

He lifted his wand halfway and uttered _Expecto Patronum_ , and a glowing, silvery shape burst out of its end. Remus had been so sure he was about to see a werewolf, that it took him a second to recognise what it really was when his Patronus perked up and started leaping around the room. It startled him so much that the spell was broken instantly, his guardian dispersing in silver wisps.

“Does someone have a wolf as a Patronus?” Someone asked loudly.

“I thought that was a dog…” Someone else responded.

“It was huge though!”

Remus felt completely mortified as he slowly turned to look at Sirius, but the latter seemed to have been looking the other way. James and Peter, on the other hand, were both facing Remus and must have caught sight of the glowing shape of the animal before it was gone.

“Was that…” Lily walked up to Remus, her eyes fixed on the spot in the air where his Patronus had disappeared. 

“Yes?” Remus fiddled with his left sleeve, not meeting her gaze.

“Was that a dog?” She whispered.

“Or a wolf,” Remus shrugged, although there was not a doubt in his mind at all that it had, in fact, been a dog; and not just any dog - it appeared that his Patronus had assumed the shape of Padfoot.

* * *

“I’m changing my tactics,” James declared to the dormitory; he had come back from a Quidditch practice about half an hour ago.

“Why? You’re a brilliant Seeker as it is,” Sirius muttered from his bed, where he was lounging with a Muggle magazine full of pictures of motorcycles.

“I’m not talking about Quidditch,” James gave a slight shake of his head, as if trying to get rid of a particularly annoying fly. “I’m talking about Lily Evans.”

“I see. So what’s the new tactic?”

“Well…” He muttered, looking increasingly more embarrassed. “It’s not so much a tactic as… She’s really kind, isn’t she?” He looked over at Remus briskly.

“Very much so,” the boy agreed, his eyes glued to three blue flames spinning mid air in front of him, directed by subtle movements of his wand hand.

James leaned back against the side of his bed and dragged an ancient gramophone across the rug, closer to himself. “I’ve been a bit of a prick, haven’t I?”

The rest of the Marauders all protested:

“What?”

“Nooo…”

“You’re a great friend!” 

“No, I mean...to Lily. Can’t imagine it’s very pleasant to have some guy hit on you and embarrass you in front of people over and over again…”

“Yep.”

“You’ve definitely been a huge prick.”

“Completely…” His friends responded in the same disorganised choir.

“So your plan is to...stop being obnoxious?” Sirius asked for a clarification, already having abandoned his magazine for something he deemed more interesting.

“Sort of. I was just thinking, maybe I should become friends with her, you know?”

“I would definitely recommend that,” Remus flicked his wrist to make his floating flames glide towards James and arrange themselves in a circle around his head. “She’s an excellent person to be friends with.”

“Wormy, you’re awfully quiet,” James shot the boy a glance as his fingered flicked through a boxful of vinyl records.

“I have my own problems, I don’t know what to do about Lydia,” Peter pulled himself off his bed and onto the floor to join James.

“How do you mean?”

“What do I get her for Valentine’s day?”

“A card?” Remus suggested.

“Flowers?” James added.

“Box of chocolates?” Sirius joined in.

“Is that too non-committal though? I mean, we’ve been going out for a while now… What if she expects something more?”

“Give her your virginity?” Sirius suggested with a cheeky grin and a shrug, earning himself a smack in the face with a pillow.

“Er, can we focus for a second, please? Can we go back to my problem?” James’ words caused him to be the recipient of the flying pillow.

“I thought your problem was solved?” Remus was making the flames spin around James’ head. “You’re abandoning your obsession to become friends, right?”

“First of all, it’s _love_ , not obsession. And I wouldn’t necessarily abandon it, just put it on hold.”

“So you’ll only pretend to be friends with Lily?” Remus flicked his wrist again, guiding the flames towards the middle of the room.

“No! I want to be friendly with her.”

“Okay…”

“I can’t help it if I’m in love with her!” James’ voice went a whole octave higher as Remus’ eyes bore into him.

“Uh-huh…”

“Oh, let the boy live, Moony,” Sirius let out a feeble jet of water out of his wand, trying to extinguish Remus’ flames. He felt an unpleasant prickling sensation wash over his body - if Moony knew how Sirius felt about him, would he accuse him of dishonesty? Would he feel lied to and betrayed if he knew that Sirius had been pretending not to want them to be something more than just friends?

“Lily’s got an excellent dragon dung sensor,” Remus shrugged, got up, and started picking up his books and stray socks littered around his bed.

“It’s not dragon dung!”

“I didn’t say it is, I’m just letting you know.”

“If she just gets to actually know me, maybe she’ll realise that I’m not so awful?” James looked at the other two boys now.

“Yeah, I don’t think you’re that awful,” Sirius threw him an overly serious look.

“Just don’t overthink it,” Remus said without looking at James; he had started cleaning out his trunk.

“I mean, I _have_ to put some thought into it, don’t I? I can’t fuck it up...”

“Oh really?” Sirius glared at James, thinking about all the times his friend has pestered him to ‘just talk to Moony and get it over with’.

James flashed him an irritated frown and looked at Remus’ back. “Hey Moons, maybe if you talk to her--”

“I think it’ll take more than just talking to her, but I refuse to feed her love potion. You’ll have to ask someone else,” he answered without so much as a glance around again. 

“Fuck you, Moons,” James grumbled as Sirius and Peter laughed. “Hear me out though, if you just, er, aid me in spending more time around her--”

“It’s not going to work,” Remus interrupted him. 

“It is too! I’ve thought this through!”

“You _thought_?” Sirius gasped, earning himself a middle finger from James.

“When have my calculations ever been incorrect?”

“Well--” Sirius opened his mouth only to get cut across.

“Shut up, that was one time.”

“Well…” Remus joined in.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I just know I’m right this time.”

“You always say that right before--”

“Shut up, Peter! Moons, just hear me out… I want to be honest with her, of course, but I just don’t see how I can do that if I’m never around her, you know? I’m just asking you to help me with reasons to spend time with her. And then if she hates me...well… Oi! Are you listening?” James threw one of his pillows at Remus and missed.

“Yes. It’s just taking me a while to process all this idiocy all at once.”

“Remus!” James gasped dramatically, clutching at his chest. “You’re supposed to be the nice one out of us!”

“What, I’m not allowed to have fun?” Remus glanced at James with a big grin. “Of course I’ll help you, Prongs,” he pulled a dustbin closer to himself since he had started accumulating a small pile of rubbish on the floor. “We’ll set up a time to do homework together, classic. And who knows, maybe I won’t be able to make it, maybe I’ll have a nosebleed or maybe someone will run me over with their car, depending on how lucky I’ll get.”

“Moony, thank you. Sirius,” James turned to him, “can you keep an eye on Moony while I do homework with Evans next week?”

“Sorry, can’t. I’m taking a driving test that day,” Sirius shrugged, making them all laugh.

James finally chose Aladdin Sane out of the box of records, placed it onto the gramophone, and tapped it with his wand a few times. Then, the vinyl disc started spinning and music burst out of it.

“You are the tidiest werewolf that has ever lived,” Sirius landed on Remus’ bed and propped himself up on his elbows as he watched his friend, “and you call yourself a monster?”

All of the boys laughed at this before falling into a comfortable silence, filled only by the sound of music. Sirius watched Remus as the latter was cleaning out his trunk, pulling broken quills and chocolate wrappers out of it and tossing them into the small dustbin.

Sirius had been doing that quite often lately - watching Moony, as if it would help him figure out what he was thinking and feeling. He even caught himself a few times having gotten lost track of conversations he was participating in, forgetting to say anything, distracted by Remus’ enigmatic presence. 

On one hand, Moony didn’t seem to be put off by the flirting, but then he didn’t really reciprocate it either. On quite a few occasions, Sirius wanted to ask him about the French boy, but he never knew how exactly. He wanted to know if Remus liked him, if he had been thinking about him, if he had been writing to him… But he was afraid of sounding too obvious in his concerns. He felt like these questions would have given him away. And what if the answers were not what he hoped and wished for?

He had the sudden urge to verbalise some of these questions as he lay across Remus’ bed, but before he could act on it, he rolled over on his back and closed his eyes. One song had just finished and a few quiet seconds later, the first chords of Drive-In Saturday rolled across the room. Sirius smiled to himself as his mind followed the song and drifted off to thoughts of Remus. He was mindlessly spinning his wand between his fingers as vivid memories of a dream he’d had a few nights ago swam into focus. He had held Remus close, he’d been touching his face and his hair, and gazing into his eyes; and it had felt so real when they kissed, and Sirius was reliving the dream all over again. 

And then it happened so unexpectedly that he nearly jumped out of his own skin - a shower of red sparks shot out of his wand, narrowly missing Peter’s head as the latter was making his way towards the window. “What did you do that for!?” He yelped indignantly.

“I’m sorry, it was an accident,” Sirius was now kneeling on Remus’ bed, holding his palms up defensively.

Peter frowned at him before turning away to open the window. As Sirius dragged his gaze away from the boy, he saw James giving him an expressive look and then glancing at Remus quickly. The little gesture, Sirius was sure, was a reference to a surprisingly stern talking that James had given him a few days ago.

It was the morning after Sirius had fallen asleep in Moony’s bed. It had felt so surreal, not only sleeping wrapped around him, but also waking up inches from his face. But then James had gone all mental on him - he had talked about how recklessly Sirius was acting, how he mustn’t play with Remus until he gets tired of him, like most of his other romantic encounters. James had told him that Sirius needed to either tell Remus how he felt or get over it and move on. Otherwise, he had said, someone was bound to get hurt and the last thing he wanted to see was their friendship being ruined by it. As Sirius was thinking about it, he muttered _Wingardium Leviosa_ and lifted a crumpled up chocolate wrapper out of Remus’ nearly-full dustbin. He spun it in the air a couple of times, right in front of his face, before flinging it across the room and into another bin with a flick of his wand.

Sirius couldn’t argue with James, he admitted to himself as he lifted another piece of Remus’ rubbish. After all, this wasn’t fun for him either. He wanted to be with Remus, he wanted to tell him that he was in love with him. But he was afraid of the definitiveness of Moony’s response. Sirius was afraid that if Remus said no, that would be the end of it, the death of any last hope. 

As these thoughts mulled around in his head, Sirius charmed another piece of crumpled up paper to levitate out of the dustbin and stop in front of him. He was about to move his wrist to send it flying across the room when something caught his eye. Sirius stole a quick glance around to make sure that no one was looking at him, before snatching the piece of paper. He flattened it out a bit and as he looked down at it, a smile crept across his face. This had to be a sign, he thought as he crumpled the note with Vincent’s address on it and threw it into a bin on the other side of the dormitory.


	15. Rogue Dwarf and Friends

“You look happy,” Lily peered at Sirius, his arm draped across Remus’ shoulders; they had just walked out of their respective dormitories at the same time, meeting at the top of the stairs.

“Remus and I finally took our friendship to the next level,” Sirius grinned at her.

Her eyes, suddenly wide with surprise, darted to Remus, but he merely covered his face with his hand and groaned. “What?” Lily looked at Sirius again.

“He finally gave Padfoot a scratch behind the ears last night,” he cast an exaggeratedly dreamy look at Remus - although frankly, that’s just how he had been looking at Moony for the past few days. Finding out that he had thrown Vincent’s address away had given Sirius an unexpected surge of hope and excitement.

“I was distracted, I was busy with homework… I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“And then he continued to pet me all over,” Sirius’ beaming was unrelenting.

“I was trying to push you off my bed, with my foot.”

“I think he loves me, Evans!”

“You are _so_ very strange, Black,” she stared at him, amusement etched into her features, before following Remus down the stone steps, into the common room. “Not least because you hang out as a dog in your spare time, apparently.”

“Thanks, Evans! That’s a compliment, right? Evans? Right?” He repeated when Lily proceeded to laugh and shake her head.

Sirius had crossed some kind of a line as of late; without thinking about it, he subconsciously made a decision that he didn’t want to act as though he didn’t fancy Remus anymore. Sirius wanted to flirt with him all the time, be around him whenever he could help it, talk to or about him non-stop, and so he did. He thought that if he was so undeniably obvious, then it would be less scary to tell Remus how he felt about him - because he would already see it coming.

Or maybe - although Sirius wasn’t counting on it - Remus would catch on without needing to be told. This was a far less likely scenario seeing as Remus was acting as though he hadn’t noticed anything up until that point. And when he would respond to Sirius’ flirting instead of ignoring it, it would be with a self-deprecating joke.

During breakfast that morning, Sirius used raspberry jam to draw a heart in a bowl of porridge before sliding it over to Remus but the latter merely grimaced while mumbling about how it looked like a bum.

Luckily, Sirius thought, he had hired a dwarf to deliver a Valentine’s message to Remus. Unluckily, the dwarf decided to take matters into his own hands - he showed up while they were still having breakfast and started reciting a poem, which he had evidently written all by himself:

_Someone's been whomping his willow  
While thinking about your butt,_

“What…” Remus muttered, glancing around in bewilderment as the dwarf aimed a heart-pointed arrow at him; Sirius, in the meantime, was choking on his coffee.

_If you put your head on his pillow,  
Dementors won’t be the only ones who’ll suck--_

Sirius clumsily fished his wand out of a pocket of his robes and waved it under the table, muttering a silencing charm at the Valentine’s day messenger. Everyone in their immediate vicinity was starting to break out into laughter while Moony was shaking his head at his friends, looking equal parts amused and disappointed.

“Really?”

“Why are you looking at me!?” James held his hands up defensively while the dwarf was flailing his arms around in indignation.

“Was it not you two then?” Remus was staring at Sirius now, a triumphant smirk playing on his lips. “I know Peter is too busy being the only one of us with a Valentine’s date for this nonsense.”

“Yes, yes, you got us,” Sirius threw James a dirty look when Remus shuffled his gaze to the latter. “It was actually James’ idea,” he added quickly, and when James started saying something, Sirius jumped up and loudly announced that everyone needed to leave unless they wanted to be late for their morning lessons.

“I don’t have anything right now,” James protested and then rubbed the back of his head, where the dwarf elbowed him on his way out.

“Doesn’t matter. Remus is a Prefect and you have to listen to him.”

“But... _you_ are telling everyone to leave, not Remus.”

“Fine, you can stay here. Come on, Remus…”

“Come on, Remus,” Lily said at the exact same time as Sirius. “Remus and I have Runes on Monday mornings…” She added, squinting at Sirius.

“Right. Right, have fun then, Evans. Remus,” Sirius turned to the boy who was just now getting up from his seat at the table, looking as though he was watching the most delightfully entertaining thing as their eyes met.

“Yes?”

Sirius himself was so baffled by how this whole fiasco managed to unfold itself before they were even done with breakfast. Sheepishly, he pulled his lips into a grin as he gazed into those green eyes. “Er…”

“Sirius, I really worry about you lately,” Remus’ hand landed on his upper arm, squeezing it gently, as he peered at him with mock concern.

“I just wanted to say,” Sirius unwittingly dropped his voice, “happy Valentine’s Day, Moony,” and then - he had no idea what possessed him to do it - he kissed Remus on the cheek.

“Er, thanks…” Remus’ ears turned red, Sirius could clearly see that.

“Aren’t you late for…” Sirius perked up and looked over at Lily, who looked obviously baffled by everything she had just witnessed.

“Yeah, yeah…” She found Remus’ elbow without looking at him and started leading him away, towards the door of the Great Hall.

As they were walking away, Sirius saw Remus run the tips of his fingers over the spot on his face that had just been kissed.

“What the hell was that?” James frowned at him, although he looked like he was holding in a laugh at the same time.

“I don’t fucking know, mate…” Sirius slumped down back onto his seat with a groan.

“What’s going on? Why does Pads look like that?” Peter shuffled over from the Hufflepuff table where he had been talking to Lydia. “Did I miss anything?”

* * *

“Does Sirius fancy Remus?”

“Wh-- Lily!” James looked at the red-headed girl, somewhat startled by her unexpected, yet very much welcome, appearance in front of him.

He was coming back from a Quidditch practice that, to his and the whole team’s delight, was the first one without any rain or snow in a while. He had just climbed in through the portrait hole when Lily approached him.

“Of course,” she said, “I understand if it’s confidential. You don’t have to tell me. But I’m quite sure he does.”

James stared at her for a moment, his face void of expression; then he grinned, unable to stop himself. “Are you just using this as a pretext to come talk to me?”

“Why are you like this, James…” she muttered, staring off into the distance momentarily.

“I’ve been really enjoying you using my first name lately,” he allowed a smirk to rearrange his face before remembering what he had told his friends - and himself. “I mean,” he cleared his throat and lost the flirtatious expression, “it’s nice that we can be friends now, you know?”

“Yes…”

“So… Why are you asking about Sirius?”

“Doesn’t take a genius to notice how he’s been acting, does it?”

“Hm…”

“And maybe,” Lily adopted a pointedly nonchalant tone of voice, “you’ve noticed things about Remus?”

“Er… Things?”

“Yeah. Things like… Remember what Remus’ Patronus is, for instance?” She gestured her hands around as they both looked at each other as if trying to solve a puzzle.

“A dog or something? He was struggling with it a bit, wasn’t he?”

“Yes, he was. Regardless, it’s a dog, indeed.”

“So?”

“Come on, Potter.”

“What? He’s got the er, you know, the furry little problem, and I don’t think Patronuses can turn into you-know-what. So it’s a dog instead, the next closest thing, isn’t it?”

“The next closest thing would be a wolf.”

“But… Wait, but…” James gaped at her, realisation dawning on him. “You don’t think?..”

“I’ve never seen Sirius turn, so I can’t be sure, but… Well, it would only make sense…”

“Why would it make sense?” James asked slowly.

“Er… Because…” Lily’s lips continued to move but no words were coming out.

“You know something,” he squinted at her.

“Know what?” She laughed with a roll of her eyes.

“Lily.”

“I can’t tell you…”

“But...this changes everything!” He clapped his hands together in excitement; although he wasn’t sure whether it was what he had just found out or simply his proximity to Lily Evans.

“But you can’t tell Sirius!” She whispered.

“Why not?!”

“Because I didn’t tell you. Because I couldn’t tell you. And if I did tell you anything at all, it’s only because you’re one of Remus’ closest friends and I know that you have his best interest at heart.”

“But--”

“Remus would _murder_ me. And it would be your fault.”

“But I wouldn’t have to listen to Sirius anymore…”

“ _Murder_.”

“Well, fuck… Fine.”

They stared at each other for a moment, the same disconcerted expression mirrored in both of their faces. Then Lily let out a somewhat relieved sounding sigh. “They’re so stupid,” she chuckled, looking up at James, “aren’t they?”

“Yeah, completely…” He beamed at her, and before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “why won’t you go out with me?” 

“Poorly timed, Potter,” Lily quirked an eyebrow.

“Am I that repulsive? I wouldn’t love it, but I’d be willing to entertain the prospect of Polyjuice potion...”

She let out a genuine laugh. “You look fine, James.”

“Thanks, so do you!” He quipped, and then silence fell between them again.

James pulled a funny face; he felt like he’d already pushed it far enough and didn’t want to keep pestering Lily with his questioning. He reminded himself, once again, that he had decided to not do this to her anymore. 

“This person that you think you like…” Lily narrowed her eyes in thought as she spoke again, quite unexpectedly. “It’s an idealised version of me, isn’t it? When you think about it… How could I ever live up to that?”

“With all due respect,” James gave her a sheepish smile, “I think you’re wrong. I like you because of who you are.”

“But you don’t really know who I am, do you?”

“I know enough.”

“Maybe from a distance.”

“Then let me get to know you from up close. You’ll be surprised by the array of things I do know about you.”

“That’s a bit creepy, isn’t it?”

“Fair enough… Look, you may think I’m daft and cocky…

“ _May_?”

“...but I’m smart enough to notice you, if I dare say so myself.”

“Oh, you think you’re so suave,” Lily clicked her tongue, although her smiled seemed to grow a little wider all the same.

“If you remember the last five years, you should know that even I don’t think I’m suave,” James’ quipped, making her laugh.

“Yes… Nothing could erase the memory of our first meeting. Nothing did. And I tried, I tried everything,” her eyes sparkled mischievously. 

“Well, I’m somewhat proud to say that I’m not that twat anymore...as much.”

“I’ve noticed, actually…” Lily seemed somewhat reluctant in her admission.

“Maybe from a distance.”

“Touché.”

“If you just let me be your friend...” James strained to keep his eyes on her face instead of looking down, which is what he wanted to do as he started fiddling with a stray thread coming out of his sleeve.

Lily gazed at him, as though weighing him up. “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“Yep.”

“So… Do you want to hang out?” He pulled his lips into a cheeky grin, at which Lily turned around and started walking deeper into the common room.

“Are you coming then?” She glanced at him over her shoulder.


	16. Fairly High and Dangerously Attractive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [mention of drug use in chapter - just some very mild stuff to do with weed]

February was drawing to an end; younger students were eagerly waiting for warmer weather to finally return while older ones were spending their days tucked away in the library. When Remus wasn’t on Prefect duty, in class, or sleeping, he found himself listening to Lily go on about how Sirius clearly fancied him increasingly more often. In fact, she had started trying to clumsily orchestrate serendipitous encounters between Remus and Sirius, which was rather pointless, given that they shared a dormitory. At some point, Remus began wondering whether she just wanted a reason to spend more time around James as a pleasant side effect of all her efforts. 

“I can’t believe we just did that,” Lily gaped at Remus as he pulled James’ invisibility cloak off them both.

“I think that officially makes you an honorary Marauder,” he grinned down at her face brimming with a kind of mischievous excitement. 

“Honorary?” She gasped indignantly, following Remus into the boys’ dormitory. “You were more scared than I was!”

“I was scared for _you_ , Lily,” Remus chuckled as he stuffed the cloak into James’ trunk and went over to his own bed. “Don’t insult me by insinuating that I haven’t snuck into the Restricted Section at least once for every month that I’ve been in Hogwarts,” he sat down on the edge of his mattress and bent over to retrieve something from under the bed.

“I can’t believe you lot have had that cloak for years… I hope you’ve not been using it for anything, you know, creepy?..” Lily was aimlessly pacing around the room while Remus opened a tin box containing a handful of chocolate treats, a few loose cigarettes, and some other bits and bobs.

“Creepy? No, no,” Remus smiled as the image of his twelve year old friends and himself swam into focus; all out of beds in the middle of the night, taking turns hiding under the cloak, attempting to pull a pair of underpants over the other boys’ heads. 

“So which one is Sirius’ bed?”

“That would be the one with the leather jacket and all the Muggle magazines on it,” Remus nodded his head towards it; he had taken out a few things from the box in his lap, trying to get to the chocolate bar that was at the bottom of it.

“Hm,” Lily walked over to Sirius’ bed, clearly trying to catch Remus’ eye, or maybe wanting to say something, but he ignored her completely, focusing on his treat “I’ve never been in the boys dormitories before.”

“And? What’s the verdict?”

“Surprisingly, this is not any dirtier than the girls’ dorms,” she chuckled and, holding onto one of the posts, swung around and sat down on Remus’ bed. “Remus, what is this?” Her voice dropped unexpectedly.

He turned around and looked at the little phial she was holding in her hand; it contained mossy looking, dried green buds. “Weed,” he answered matter-of-factly.

“But you’re a Prefect!” Lily whispered hurriedly.

Remus took a sharp inhale, and then sighed, turning away from her. “Yes,” he bobbed his head as he spoke, “some days I think that becoming a Prefect has been the biggest tragedy of my life… Then I remember that I’m a werewolf…” His eyes found Lily’s again, and for a second she simply stared at him, completely expressionless; before she burst out laughing, almost falling off the bed.

“I always thought you’re such a goody-two-shoes.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“I’ve never tried it…” Lily’s eyes found the phial again.

“I usually smoke some after a particularly bad moon,” Remus explained, unprompted, but Lily gave him a small nod, encouraging him to continue. “Of course, we’ve done it purely for fun, but I like to always have some, just in case I’m feeling exceptionally rough. It helps me...feel more at ease, I suppose. Helps me feel a bit more normal,” he struggled through the last sentence, feeling like there simply weren’t words out there to explain what he meant. “With all the potions and tinctures and charms, this Muggle remedy is the one thing that I found really makes a difference sometimes. For me, anyway.”

“What does it feel like?” Lily opened the little container and brought it up to her nose, frowning instantly at the scent.

Remus took a bite of his chocolate before answering. “Sort of soft and warm… Relaxing but also energising. It just puts you in this state of being perfectly content. Happy. Although Peter always becomes paranoid - about everything…”

“Paranoid?”

“Strange, isn’t it? He has no qualms about breaking every school rule but that is where he draws the line. Lily?” He added quietly when she continued to stare at the little phial in her hand.

“Do you think,” she started slowly, timidly, “I could try some?”

“Lily Evans,” a devilish grin crossed Remus’ features. 

“Oh shut up,” she tittered. “I just thought, shouldn’t I be a bit more reckless now, while I’m young? My chance is now, isn’t it? Who knows what’s going to happen when we leave Hogwarts,” her eyebrows dipped before she hesitantly opened her mouth again. “There’s a war going on out there, after all.”

Moments like these were inevitable, yet still always unexpected. Remus understood exactly what she meant; terrible things were happening in the world and they weren’t always going to be able to be kids, kept safe in their school, away from the real world. That sense of suppressed dread had only gotten stronger as they got older. “Do you want to do it now?” 

“No. I don’t know…”

“We certainly don’t have to. We can do it whenever.”

“Let’s do it now!” Lily’s eyes twinkled. “You’ll do it with me, right?”

“I thought you said not now?”

“I might chicken out once the adrenaline wears off,” she grinned guiltily.

“It’s really not as big of a deal as it might seem. But I still want you to be sure that you want to do it. After all, if you do, you’ll have broken not only a Hogwarts rule this evening but also the Muggle law. And it’s barely ten pm.”

“I’m sure. Let’s do it!” Lily whispered excitedly, coaxing a laugh out of Remus.

He took out a little green glass pipe from the tin box, all while Lily was watching him, barely blinking at all, it seemed. She followed his every movement as he loaded the pipe with a bit of the green stuff, then listened closely as he explained to her what to do next.

“If only James could see you now,” Remus sniggered.

Lily glanced at the dormitory door, as if expecting him to walk in at that moment; then, she lifted the pipe to her lips, the tip of her wand to the bowl of it. “So I just do this?” 

Remus nodded but it quickly turned into a vigorous head shake. “No, stop inhaling! That’s enough! You need to blow the smoke out now…” He laughed as Lily started coughing, disappearing in a thick, grey cloud.

“That’s disgusting!”

“Takes a bit of practice, I suppose.”

“I don’t feel anything,” she sat up on the bed once the coughing ceased. “Do I sound different?”

“No, Lily, you don’t,” Remus grinned at her, blowing the smoke out simultaneously; contrary to her, he instantly started noticing a pleasant fogginess drown out most of his thoughts.

“Should we go downstairs then?”

“Perhaps not the greatest idea,” Remus trailed off.

“Why?”

Remus couldn’t stop himself from chuckling before answering. “You’re high and you have a reputation to uphold. Terrible things could happen.”

“I’ll be fine. Come on, we’re not going to spend the whole evening up here!”

“Alright then,” he nodded slowly watching Lily’s grin grow bigger.

From the top of the stone steps, Remus instantly spotted Sirius down in the common room, talking to a couple of people from their year over by one of the windows; James and Peter were playing exploding cards in another small group. Even though Sirius was on the opposite side of the room, by the time Remus and Lily descended down the steps, he was waiting for them at the bottom stair.

“You’re back, finally. You didn’t get caught, did you?”

“We’re high,” Remus whispered.

“You’re… Wait. Plural of you? High? You?” A big grin slowly found its way to Sirius’ lips as he stared at Lily in both admiration and disbelief. 

“Oh, shush!” She dismissed him with a flick of her wrist. “It’s not like I’ve never done anything illegal.”

“Wait, you have? She has?” Sirius turned to Remus now.

“I am just as deeply shocked as you are.”

“Why are _you_ high?” Sirius’ smile suddenly clouded.

“What do you mean?” Remus raised his eyebrows. 

“Are you okay? Were you in pain?”

“Oh… No, no. This is all purely for Lily Evans’ amusement,” Remus explained while his heart swelled in his chest at the thought of how lucky he was to have Sirius in his life; someone to care so deeply and fiercely about him.

“My mouth is really dry.” Lily didn’t seem to be participating in their conversation anymore; instead, she was touching the tip of her index finger to her tongue. “Is this normal?”

“Yes,” Remus smiled at her brightly. “That can happen.”

Lily pointed her wand into her mouth and, wordlessly - a new skill she had just recently mastered - magicked a little jet of water. The two boys watched her with a mixture of wonder and pride. “Kids,” Sirius sighed tearfully, “they grow up so fast.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask you…” Lily had finally quenched her thirst and looked over at him. “What was up with that kiss?”

“Kiss?” He laughed out, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“On Valentine’s day.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Evans.”

“About you kissing Remus, of course,” Lily’s plainly stated words tugged Remus out of his weed-induced haze.

“Well, _of course_ , the kiss was about Valentine’s day, since it was...Valentine’s day,” Sirius concluded, slowly but surely.

“Uh-huh…”

“Did you know that if you’re standing up for too long when you’re high, you might pass out?”

“Really?” Lily instantly became visibly worried. “How long do I have?”

“Probably shouldn’t do more than five minutes.”

“You’re lying,” she squinted at him.

“Okay. We’ll find out soon enough, I suppose.”

Lily stared at him for a long, quiet, hesitant moment before making a beeline for one of the sofas in the common room.

“Sirius… Why?” Remus murmured, following Lily with his eyes.

“I didn’t think she would actually believe that.”

“What _was_ the kiss about?” Remus smirked as he returned his gaze to Sirius now, making the latter scratch the back of his head involuntarily - a gesture Remus knew to be a sign of nervousness. He leaned his back against the wall, just to the side of the steps leading up to the dormitories. He might have asked the question humorously, but he wanted a real answer. He had been thinking about that clumsy kiss ever since it happened, although he would have never admitted to anyone. Pretty soon, he realised, he had started harbouring hope that was hard to ignore. And now that he’d gotten a boost of confidence and courage from the dried Muggle herb, he wanted to know.

“Isn’t that what people do on Valentine’s day?”

“You really are,” Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius, “a very strange person.”

“And you are a very high person,” Sirius seemed to have regained his composure, a wry smile stretching his lips.

“Yes, speaking of which… I can’t get this out of my head… Pads, which do you think is later - three or four am?”

Sirius barked out a hearty laugh. “Three, of course. Three is late night and four is early morning. What? You don’t agree?”

“No, I do, actually,” Remus replied with a smile although frankly, he was much more interested in how beautiful Sirius’ eyes looked in the warm light of the common room.

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Really, how high are you?”

“A fair amount,” Remus answered brightly. “Has nothing to do with me looking at you though.”

Of course, Remus looked at him that way because he fancied him. How did he not see that? Or did he? There were times when Remus could have sworn that Sirius knew something was going on, but for the most part, they were _just friends_. And yet, quite inexplicably, Remus had been even more attracted to Sirius lately than ever before. 

“I’m flattered that you think weed has nothing to do with it, but you never stare at me like that when you’re sober.”

“Maybe it’s the earrings,” Remus reached his hand out and gave a light flick to one of Sirius’ hoops.

“The earrings,” Sirius blinked, a smirk forming on his lips. 

“Yes. They’re very...dangly.”

“Oh? You’ve got a problem with them?”

“Yeah. Can’t stand them,” Remus went on, while knowing full well that ever since Sirius had gotten his ears pierced, he’d somehow become even more difficult to not stare at; that this seemingly insignificant addition of accessories had been making it hard to concentrate on what Sirius was saying sometimes. 

“Ah. That’s a shame,” Sirius muttered nonchalantly while scooping up all of his hair, with the exception of a few gracefully cascading wavy strands, and putting it into a bun, secured by his wand. “Guess you’ll just have to get used to looking at them.”

Without realising, Remus had stopped breathing for a moment. Was Sirius flirting with him? “Yeah, that’s--”

“Take that thing out of your hair, Pads, you look like an idiot,” James materialised right next to them, cackling and nudging Sirius’ shoulder. “So what are we up to tonight?” 

Sirius slowly turned his head to look at James, a stoney expression painted over his face.

“What?” James shrugged. “Is it because I said you look like an idiot? Doesn’t he, Moony?” 

“Really? _You_ want to talk about other people’s hair?” Remus did a near-perfect imitation of James ruffling his hair, making his own dirty blonde strands stand up in all directions. “Do I look dangerously attractive yet?”

“Moony!” James gasped dramatically, clutching at his heart, while Sirius chuckled, leading the way towards the other side of the common room.

“Oi! Potter!” Lily called out and James reached her so fast, you would have thought he had just Apparated.

“So what do you think?” Remus plopped down onto one of the sofas, his eyes fixed onto Lily as he pulled Sirius down with him.

“Er...yeah, it suits you. I wouldn’t say it makes you _dangerously_ attractive per se… Folding your socks is not a very dangerous trait.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Remus tore his eyes off Lily, who was already deep in an animated conversation with James, and looked at Sirius in confusion.

“Your hair… Isn’t that what you were asking about?”

“I was asking about Lily…” Remus was pleased to see that for once in his life, he wasn’t the one blushing. “But thanks, Sirius.”

* * *

“Do I look dangerously attractive yet?” Remus teased James, and Sirius silently nodded to himself as he walked across the room, laughing.

“Moony!” 

Remus seemed to have such an air of confidence around him that evening that Sirius found himself staring at him sheepishly, unwittingly fantasising about running his fingers through that messy hair. This was the first time that he was undeniably reciprocating Sirius’ flirting, and it felt exhilarating.

Sirius wanted to grab Remus’ face and pull him into a kiss-- but he shouldn’t, he thought. It wouldn’t be fair to either one of them - he wanted them both to be completely sober for that. Sirius was all too familiar with doing something stupid while high or drunk and even more familiar with the regret, or sometimes shame, that would rear its head in the light of the following morning.

He wanted to tell Remus how he felt about him; he wanted to _show_ him. But he decided not to, not just then. It wouldn’t have been fair to either one of them.

“So what do you think?” Remus muttered, instantly dragging Sirius out of his thoughts.

“Er...yeah, it suits you. I wouldn’t say it makes you _dangerously_ attractive… Folding your socks is not a very dangerous trait, you know...”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Your hair… Isn’t that what you were asking about?”

“I was asking about Lily… But thanks, Sirius.”

“You’re welcome,” he mumbled, trying to will away the heat rising in his face. “Shut up,” he added as Remus smirked at him with obvious satisfaction.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You were thinking about saying something,” Sirius rolled his eyes, fighting back a happy smile. “What do you mean, what do I think about Lily?” 

“Do you like her?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Hey, I just remembered...that time I heard James and Peter convincing you to tell someone you fancy them… Who is it?”

Sirius hadn’t expected Moony to ask him that. In fact, he’d forgotten about that conversation completely it seemed. “Oh that wasn’t really...anyone,” he concluded quickly. 

“Oh? Well, I just thought I’d ask…” Remus shrugged it off. 

“How’s Vincent doing?” Sirius blurted out before he could stop himself. Although, he hoped, his tone might have been casual enough to not betray him.

“Haven’t got a clue. Why?”

“No reason.”

“So what do you think about Lily?”

“I think I like her more than I thought I would,” Sirius started happily, feeling like there wasn’t another place on Earth he’d rather be. “She just always seemed more...boring and stuck up, I guess? But I suppose that was just her reaction to Prongs, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah… But now… Do you think maybe she is actually interested in James now?” 

“Aren’t you two best mates now? Shouldn’t you know if she’s interested in anyone or not?”

“Hm. I guess I never really understood girls. Never cared to, anyway. Not really my crowd.”

Sirius stole a sideway glance at Remus, who spoke so nonchalantly. His eyebrows dipping over his eyes slightly; surely, he thought, there was only one way to interpret that statement, wasn’t there? 

“Remember that time I kept casting the Muffliato Charm on McGonagall every time someone was answering a question?”

“Vividly. Yet, I still can’t believe you did that. You worship her.”

“That would have been my first detention, had you not taken the blame.” Remus conjured a couple of those blue flames and watched them spinning in the air as he spoke.

“I didn’t really take the blame. I just didn’t correct Minnie when she assumed it was me,” Sirius was surprised by how quiet his own voice came out as he gazed at Remus’ profile, one of his arms draped across the backrest of the sofa.

“Yeah, that’s what you said to me when I thanked you for it,” Remus chuckled. “Why didn’t you correct her though?”

“Remus…” Sirius’ voice was laced with laughter now.

“What?” Moony looked over at him, their eyes meeting.

“You--” Sirius’ breath caught and he had to remind himself that pulling Remus into a kiss and snogging him until they both couldn’t feel their lips anymore wasn’t a good idea; not while Moony was high. “You are so high.” He heaved himself up and lay back across the length of the sofa, resting his head on Remus’ lap.

“True. But irrelevant.”

“I didn’t correct her because it would have been your first detention.”

“It was, what, the beginning of our third year? It was about time, don’t you think?” Remus kept his eyes on the blue flames as he spoke, but Sirius could see his smile widen a little all the same.

“I was also very much impressed.”

“By me?” This time, Remus looked down at Sirius.

“Don’t look so surprised. I don’t think _I_ would have had the guts to do that then.”

“Yeah… You probably still don’t have the guts to do that now.”

“Oi!” Sirius flicked Remus’ nose playfully. “I just think that of all the professors, McGonagall is the least deserving to be pranked.”

“Or the scariest?”

“Also the scariest…”

“She likes you though. Always has.”

“I like her too. Alas, we could never be together,” Sirius quipped, making them both laugh.


	17. Arrogant Toerag and A Birthday Kiss

That spring, the morning of March tenth ushered Remus’ seventeenth birthday in with a thunderous rainstorm. James, Sirius, and Peter had woken him up with magical fireworks whizzing all around their dormitory, and spent the rest of the morning surprising him with little acts of service. One of them happened to be James hexing a sixth year Ravenclaw boy who once won a duel against Remus in their third year and had been boasting about it every chance he got ever since.

Unlike Sirius, Remus didn’t care for big celebrations and loud parties to commemorate his existence. Instead, it had become a Marauders tradition for the other three boys to get him a chocolate cake every year. They always did it in secret, sneaking off to the kitchen a couple of days beforehand, making plans with the house elves. And Remus always pretended like he didn’t know what was going on.

“Where’s Wormy?” James checked his wristwatch, tapping his foot impatiently. “He should have been back by now.”

“I can’t believe he’d gotten himself a detention _on Moony’s birthday_ ,” Sirius folded his arms over his chest with a pout, at which James turned to face him pointedly slowly.

“ _Do you hear yourself?_ ”

Sirius merely narrowed his eyes at his friend. James had just suggested that everyone play something together, like Transfiguration Charades or Spin The Bottle or whatever else, while he was going to go get the cake. He plunged into this whispered conversation the moment Remus disappeared at the top of the stone steps, to stash away all the chocolate bars he’d gotten from his friends throughout the day.

There was a wide, red banner suspended in air across the length of the common room. It read ‘HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY, REMUS!’ with a whole bunch of hearts that Sirius had personally charmed to float around the words, leaving faint trails of sparks behind. Occasionally, it would start singing Happy Birthday, consequently startling an unsuspecting student here and there.

“We should go get the cake now,” James said louder this time, speaking over the singing banner. “Sirius?” 

“I’ll go with you!” Lily jumped up from her armchair.

“Nevermind, Sirius…” James mumbled, all while gazing at Lily, starry-eyed. “Well, well, well. I didn’t know you’re that interested in spending time with me.”

“Get that smirk out of my face, Potter. Didn’t you see that Sirius is busy?” She cast a glance back into the common room as the two of them clambered out through the portrait hole.

“Ah, yes, daydreaming about Moony...” James shrugged, throwing the invisibility cloak over them both in one swift motion; when he spoke again, he couldn’t keep a note of annoyance out of his voice. “I don’t get it. If Moony fancies him back, how come they’re not together?”

“You tell me! We both know Remus is not going to make the first move.”

There really was no arguing with that, James thought as he crouched ever so slightly, loosely hooking his fingers under Lily’s arm to keep her close and fully covered. “Sirius’ Boggart is Remus rejecting him... But I didn’t tell you that!” James added in a hasty whisper.

“Of course you didn’t,” Lily waved it off as they marched down the corridor, unseen by anyone, “but surely, Sirius has been nervous about asking people out before?”

“Oh sweet Merlin, you have no idea how dramatic Sirius can be. He hasn’t stopped whining about how he can’t mess it up _because it’s Moony_.”

“Well... Encourage him! Be his best mate, cheer him on!”

“Easy for you to say, Evans,” James chuckled, gently nudging her side with his elbow. “How about you encourage Remus?”

“It’s not a matter of encouragement. Unfortunately, he doesn’t believe that Sirius fancies him.”

“What do you mean, he doesn’t believe it? Hasn’t he noticed that they’ve been pretty much acting like they’re already together?”

“What, you mean Sirius always touching him somehow and walking him to lessons when he himself should be on the other side of the castle? No, no, that’s just what friends do. Or are you talking about how they wrestled in the common room the other day until Remus managed to pull his jumper off Sirius while sitting on top of him? Because, obviously, Sirius hadn’t asked permission to borrow it so justice needed to be restored, that’s it, nothing more than that. Just two pals,” Lily sighed and shook her head.

“You’re joking...”

“I wish. For someone as smart as Remus--”

“He’s a fucking idiot.”

“Couldn’t have said it better,” Lily let out a melodious laugh and James felt it wrap itself around his heart.

“Who’s there?” The voice of Peeves spoke almost directly above them, prompting them to quickly tiptoe away while trying not to laugh.

“So what are we going to do about them?” James whispered again once they were sure there was no one around at all.

“What do you mean?” Lily turned her head to look at him.

“I mean, we have to help them. They’re two of my best friends, I can’t watch them throw their love away… And also,” he added with a guilty smile when Lily peered at him with a quirked eyebrow, “I am _so_ bloody tired of Sirius whining about it.”

“I don’t know that it’s up to us to do anything,” she grinned at his confession. “They’re both adults...legally, as of today. They can handle themselves.”

“Uh-huh, so you didn’t volunteer to come with me so that Sirius could spend more time with Remus without us around? I see, I see. So you _are_ hopelessly in love with me, after all. Incredible,” James concluded as they stopped in front of a painting of a fruit bowl, offering her a cheeky smirk. 

“You know,” Lily was feeling for the edge of the invisibility cloak as she spoke, “sometimes you say things that are so moronic that there simply aren’t words in the English language I could respond with.”

She stepped from under the cloak and then things happened in such rapid succession that James’ unspoken retort died in his throat - they heard quick footsteps getting nearer, Lily held her arm out just to the left or where James was still hidden by the cloak, and right as he was about to lift it and cover Lily again, it was too late.

“Oh. It’s you.” Snape was standing at the end of the corridor; he seemed to be stunned for a second but then took a few rather eager steps towards Lily. “What are you doing here?” He stumbled over his words, doing a poor job at hiding how surprised by Lily’s presence he was.

“Waiting...for someone… Am I not allowed? Are you a Prefect now?”

“No…” Snape clicked his tongue, managing to pull himself together now. “Waiting for your new delinquent friends?”

“Who?” Lily’s face soured.

“Potter and his gang, of course,” he spat out and James narrowed his eyes, trying to decide whether he wanted to hex Snape or smack him instead. “I’ve noticed you’ve become rather friendly with them lately.” He paused, allowing Lily to say something, perhaps hoping that she would deny it; however, she remained silent. Snape spoke again, now sounding more like his usual annoying, stuck-up, nasty self, James thought. “You used to think that Potter was an arrogant toerag. What happened?”

“I did the hard thing: I grew as a person and learnt and accepted that I had been wrong, instead of holding onto a grudge against a silly childhood memory.”

“A silly childhood memory, really?” Snape laughed mirthlessly. “They’re bullies and you know that as well as me. And freaks, too. Did you know that one of them is _bisexual_? Even Muggles call his kind freaks.”

“Yeah,” Lily spat out, stoney faced. “And the other’s a gay werewolf, and I’m a mudblood. So what? None of this _means_ anything, Severus.”

“That’s not fair-- You _know_ I didn’t m--”

James caught a briefest moment of hesitation in Lily’s steady breathing. “Severus,” she took half a step towards the Slytherin boy. “I’m planning on joining the Ministry and Dumbledore after Hogwarts, as soon as I sit my last exam. A lot of us are going to do that. Don’t you ever for a second forget that this is not about Potter,” James saw her fingers curl into a fist slowly, to stop her hand from shaking, but her voice was strong and fierce. “And not about anyone else at all. This isn’t even about you calling me a mudblood-” Lily plowed on even when Snape gave the tiniest jerk of his head, as if about to say something- “you chose the Dark side and I just cannot— I will not stand for it.”

Snape stood there for a moment that seemed to drag on and on, silent, staring at Lily down his nose. “Dark side?” He finally uttered, barely above a whisper, and James rolled his eyes before remembering that he was invisible. “There are no such things as bad and good sides. The world isn’t just either black or white. You, of all people, should know that, Lily.”

“I’ve said my piece, Severus. No matter how many times we’ve tried to figure it out, we always ended up in the same spot. Can you please just...go. Leave me and my freak friends be.”

James heard bitterness in the last sentence that Lily uttered. He watched her stare at Snape so intensely and fearlessly that her eyes seemed greener and hair redder all of a sudden, as if her whole being was charged full of magic bursting to get out. Finally, Snape turned on his heel without another word, and angrily marched off.

James’ hand was clutching a fistful of the cloak and, after waiting a couple of seconds, he pulled it off himself. Lily was still looking in the direction where Snape had disappeared around the corner. Then, she turned away, as if waking up from a trance.

“What? What’s that look?” Lily peered up at James, her eyebrows knitting together over those green eyes.

There were a few things he wanted to say, and it took some amount of self-restraint to get his thoughts in order before he spoke. “Remus is gay?”

“Fuck.” Lily breathed out, her voice saturated with frustration. “I should not have told him. I really shouldn’t have… But calling Sirius a freak because of who he fancies… It just made me so mad...” She mumbled on.

“Don’t worry about it. If Snape tries doing anything to hurt Remus, I will personally pluck his greasy hairs out, one by one. I won’t let anyone bully Remus for...” James trailed off, a wave of red hot shame flushing his face. “I know I’ve been an ass,” his eyes darted to the floor momentarily, “to quite a few people. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Snape’s not wrong about that, about me being a bully.”

“Yes, you have been an ass. But listen to yourself now.” Lily’s arms were folded across her chest, her right hand fingers picking at a loose thread coming out of her left sleeve. “Isn’t that the best we can do? Try to be better, all the time?”

“Yeah… I think so. Look, Lily, I--” James kept fiddling with the bunched up cloak in his arms; he wished he would have known how to put into words what he was trying to say. He wished he knew how to make Lily understand that he truly was ashamed of how he had behaved in the past, oftentimes around her, and that he didn’t think he was that prick anymore. “I’m not saying that I’m sorry that that tosser is not in your life anymore, but...I’m sorry you lost a friend. I know that you used to be close…”

“Yeah…” She offered him a faded smile, but the next moment, her eyes had lively sparks in them again. “I appreciate you saying that.”

“So…” He glanced around for what to say next, before the words erupted out of his mouth. “You don’t think I’m an arrogant toerag anymore?” 

Lily shook her head at James’ grin. “I like being friends with you, James.”

“Me too.”

“So shall we get going then?”

“Huh?”

“The cake…”

“Ah, yes! The cake! Right!”

* * *

“What’s that?”

Remus, who had just walked out of his dormitory and down the steps, lifted a book he was holding to show Sirius the cover. Slanted gold letter across it read ‘Twelve Fail-Safe Ways To Charm Witches’. “My dear aunt Davina sends her love for my birthday.”

“Oh…”

“She loves to talk about how getting married at seventeen was the best decision she ever made.”

“Oh?” Sirius crossed the common room alongside Remus.

“She’d love nothing more than to have my dad allow her to arrange a marriage for me.”

“Oh.”

“I think she might secretly be a lesbian. There you go,” Remus handed the book to an unsuspecting second year boy who was sitting on a pouffe, counting his gobstones. “I’m a Prefect,” Remus added when the boys stared up at him utterly bewildered. 

“Remus. I love you.” 

“Thanks, Pads,” Remus laughed out. “So where did everyone go?” He looked around the room.

“Come over here, we’re playing Truth or Dare!” Dorcas Meadowes waved them over from a group of people clustered in a disorderly circle.

“Ooh!” Sirius perked up at the same time as Remus let out a groan. “Oh, shut up, you. It’ll be fun,” he grabbed Remus by the wrist and dragged him towards a spot where a few people scooted over to make room for them.

Remus had never been a big fan of the game, he always rather felt that he had too many dark and embarrassing secrets for it. Over the years filled with long evenings in the Gryffindor tower, it had become a bit of a joke about how he would become grumpy and sour at the very mention of it. But he would humour his friends once in a while and join in for a bit, and try to be a good sport about it as much as he could bear.

Most of the kids in the group were sixth and fifth years, with a few girls that Remus knew to be fourth years, and a handful of younger pupils whom he did not know, other than recognising their faces from seeing them around. It was a while before the bottle landed on him, and the moment it did, his heart seemed to give out an extra beat. Remus scolded himself silently and gave out a faint sigh as he looked over at one of the fourth year girls as she posed the dreaded question: 

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” he answered without missing a beat and a couple people hissed ‘oh come on’.

“How many people have you snogged?”

“Very original,” he drawled. “I didn’t realise we’re playing truth or dare for eleven year olds.”

“Fine then. What’s the biggest secret you’ve ever kept?”

“Wouldn’t be much of a secret anymore if I told you now, would it?”

“Oh please. You just didn’t want to answer the first question because you’ve never snogged anyone,” jeered a fifth year old boy in a Sex Pistols T-shirt, already reaching for the empty bottle impatiently..

Remus looked him squarely in the eyes and said, “four,” before snatching the bottle himself and spinning it. 

There was some debate at first but it was agreed that the glass neck was pointing more towards Marlene than Frank. “Dare!” She exclaimed before he could even ask.

“Alright,” Remus grinned at her with blatant mischief painted all over his face, “go ask Sir Nicholas out,” he nodded his head towards the Gryffindor ghost having a seemingly pleasant conversation with some first years at the edge of the common room.

“But...he’s dead!”

“I don’t make the rules,” he shrugged.

“Fine,” Marlene was grinning now, obviously unwilling to lose. “Take notes, you lot!” She got up as everyone laughed.

“You sly thing, you!” Sirius lightly smacked Remus’ knee, leaning in a bit closer, grinning at him as he did. “I thought we weren’t doing Truth and Dare for eleven year olds!”

“This whole game is for eleven year olds,” Remus smirked back at him.

The bottle kept getting spun over and over again, and miraculously never landed on Remus again. He was laughing with everyone, having loads of fun; but he mostly cared for the moments when Sirius would lean in, far closer than necessary by some standards, to whisper a joke that only Remus could understand.

“They’re still not back?” Remus glanced around the common room while Frank was accepting a dare to smell five people’s armpits.

“Who?” Sirius followed his gaze distractedly for a split second. “Oh, our two closest, best friends in the world, yeah…”

“It’s good that you have nice hair,” Remus bobbed his head with mock gravitas. “At least you have that to offer to the world…”

“You think I have nice hair?” Sirius asked with a strange mixture of eagerness and sheepishness.

“Speaking of our friends,” Remus slowly peeled his eyes off Sirius’ face, letting them roam around the circle of people they were a part of as he spoke. “They’ve been leaving you out this year, haven’t they? You’ve only had, what? Four detentions?” He looked back at the black haired boy who, for a moment, seemed to have been hypnotised.

“I’ve been busy, I don’t have time for detention this year,” Sirius’ features fell seamlessly into a relaxed smirk.

“Oh god. What are you plotting now?”

“You’ll find out…” Sirius answered vaguely just before their conversation was cut short by someone having spun the bottle and landed on him.

“Truth or dare?” Another one of the fourth year girls with waist-length, silky-smooth hair batted her lashes at SIrius none too subtly.

“Dare, of course.”

“Alright,” she smirked and then exchanged looks with her three quietly giggling friends. “Snog anyone in the circle for thirty seconds. You can choose any person. As long as they’re okay with it.”

“Alright,” said Sirius as he mirrored the girl’s smile; she and her friends, as well as a couple other people, all seemed to be bursting with anticipation. “Remus…”

Remus didn’t register the sound of his name at first, having suddenly lost all interest in the game. He had no desire to watch Sirius snog anyone. In fact, he couldn’t think of anything else that he didn’t want to do more than that. He gave a little jolt and looked over his shoulder, assuming that Sirius needed him to move out of the way to get to the person he was going to kiss. He could see the confusion that he felt reflected in a handful of the faces among the group. “Yes?” Remus looked over at Sirius again. _Great_ , he thought, _front row seat..._

“Are you okay with it?”

“Okay...with what?”

Sirius gave him an unamused look, tilting his head to the side ever so slightly, as if asking him to quit playing dumb. The smile tugging at his lips was nothing short of charming, but there was an ounce of bashfulness in it too. “You can say no…”

“No. I mean...I’m okay with it,” Remus stammered, his heart suddenly beating so hard that it was knocking all air out of him.

“Alright then,” Sirius turned himself on the spot, still cross-legged, to face Remus.

At a loss of what to think, say, or do, Remus mirrored his movements so that their knees touched as they looked at each other. “Let’s make it five,” Sirius mumbled feebly and placed his hands on Remus’ knees as he started leaning in.

Remus had momentarily gotten lost in his head, trying to figure out how he got to be there, in that moment. He looked into Sirius’ eyes as he felt his own upper body gravitate towards him. There was only a ghost of a smile crossing Sirius' face now; he seemed tense, on tenterhooks almost. And yet, there didn’t seem to be any hesitation in his movements as he closed the gap between them.

This time, Remus was getting lost in a kiss. This kiss felt nothing like the mundane fifth that it should have been by all accounts; this kiss tasted like the sweetness and the yearning of the very first and the very last one too. 

* * *

Sirius couldn’t remember ever being happier than he was in that moment; feeling Remus’ eyelashes flicker against his, the barely-there stubble on Remus’ chin lightly grazing his skin as their lips danced and their mouths breathed magic in each other. He wished he didn’t have to stop kissing Remus after thirty seconds - and, unless he was sorely mistaken, it didn’t seem like Remus was in any hurry to pull away when someone finally announced the end of their half a minute of bliss.

When Sirius opened his eyes, his hands still planted on Remus’ thighs, he couldn’t - and didn’t try to - keep a giddy smile at bay. “I knew you’d taste like chocolate,” he said quietly.

Remus’ face glowed red but he was smiling back at Sirius. “Interesting thing to spend your days thinking about.”

“Oi! Black! It’s your go,” Frank leaned over to push the bottle towards him.

Sirius tore his eyes off Remus’ face slowly, reluctantly. He grabbed the bottle, spun it again, and just as it was slowing down, a panting Peter showed up.

“I’m so sorry, lads! I thought I’d _never_ get out of Filch’s sad dungeon! He was threatening to keep me scrubbing armours until midnight… Oh! Truth or Dare!?” Peter asked excitedly and, without waiting for an answer, plopped down to sit right between Sirius and Remus.

Mere minutes after that, James and Lily came back with a three tier chocolate cake (the house elves had been making them bigger every year). Some players from their circle dispersed around the common room, others stayed to raise butterbeer bottles in a toast to Remus’ birthday. Big slices of the cake were being passed around and people were chattering and laughing, and talking to Moony and wishing him a happy birthday; hugging him and patting him on the back. It seemed like all of a sudden, everyone needed to be in his immediate vicinity; all while Sirius desperately wanted to cling to that one, now seemingly fleeting, moment of happiness.

He found himself perched up on the armrest of a chair, his fingers loosely wrapped around a cold bottle, his mind wandering, watching Remus deep in conversation with Marlene from afar. It made Sirius nothing short of ecstatic, seeing him smiling and laughing so much. But he also felt a selfish gnaw of bitterness - the whole night was rushing by and he just didn’t seem to find a good enough moment to steal Remus away and tell him about all that time he had indeed spent thinking about what it would be like to kiss him.

“Hey…” A soft voice startled him out of his daydreaming and Lily sat down on the other armrest of the same chair. “Those two boys were fighting over this,” she lifted the same book that Remus had gotten rid of earlier that night, “but...I don’t think they wanted to have it, I think they were both trying to get rid of it… Anyway,” Lily shook her head, relaxing her frown. “It says ‘To Remus, with love, Aunt Davina’ right here, on the title page,” she held up the open book.

A genuinely tickled chuckle escaped Sirius’ lips. “Evans, I don’t think he’s interested in charming witches.”

“You don’t? Oh, okay. Good. I mean, this is pure rubbish, anyway…” Lily tossed the book straight into the fireplace, causing a little cloud of ash to rise up.

Sirius looked at her with a curious smile, quirking an eyebrow at the unexpected act of delinquency. “I always thought you were a bit of a prissy know-it-all, Evans, but just in the last few months you managed to completely shatter that image in my eyes.”

“Charming.”

“That was a compliment.”

“Explains why you’re single.”

“How dare you,” Sirius let out a dramatic gasp, making Lily laugh.

“Alright, I shall leave you to it then,” she said, getting up.

“To what, Evans?” 

“To lovingly gazing at Remus, of course,” she flashed Sirius a grin before disappearing on the other side of the common room.

He started drowning in his thoughts, almost immediately, his eyes landing on Remus once again, catching his beaming eyes dart away just then. The past couple of weeks had been so different, so impalpably lovelier than the ones before. Sirius had noticed Remus flirting back a lot more readily and sitting a lot closer than necessary. There were so many other, smaller things that excited Sirius and made him feel giddy with possibilities. And he knew - he had known for a while - that he needed to tell Remus how he felt about him. He _needed_ to tell Remus he was in love with him.


	18. About Last Night and Romantic Phone Calls

“Hello, fellow so-called best friends,” James addressed the rest of the Marauders - or, rather more specifically, two of them - with pointed coldness permeating his voice as he sat down at the Gryffindor table. 

Remus had just started working on his lunch, made up mostly of potatoes and veggie sides. His hand, holding a forkful of food, hovered in front of his mouth as he gave Sirius and Peter a bemused look. Normally, it was Sirius who would put on an unnecessarily dramatic show, prompted by the most insignificant of things - and, to be frank, Remus always found it endearing.

“James?” Sirius reached his arm across the table, lightly touching James’ hand. “You alright, mate?”

“I don’t know. Do I look like I am?”

“Did Lily reject you again?” Peter asked quietly enough so that it allowed James to choose to ignore it; instead, he glared at Sirius and then at Remus.

“An interesting bit of information was just brought to my attention.”

“Oh?” Remus raised his eyebrows with a polite tilt of his head, indicating mild interest.

“You two _snogged_ last night?” 

Remus’ heart seemed to have performed a somersault at these words. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to have this conversation but he couldn’t ignore the ecstatic thrill of knowing that someone out there was going about, spreading gossip about what had happened last night.

“Huh? Who did you both snog?” Peter looked at them curiously.

“Peter,” James closed his eyes slowly, “they snogged _each other_.”

“What!?”

Remus was biting the insides of his cheeks, trying to hold in a laugh as he watched James. “I’m sorry, remind me why you’re so angered by it?”

“How come you snogged?” James ignored the question, his inquisitive eyes darting between the two boys.

“It was a dare.”

“Oh really.”

“It’s okay to be jealous, we’ve all seen Sirius, after all,” Remus drawled, his voice tinged with nonchalance, his interest in food slowly waning as his mind wandered to the kiss again.

“So...you think Sirius is good looking?” James asked slowly, mirroring Moony’s tone of voice now. 

“Don’t you?”

“Yeah… So do you think he’s the best looking out of the three of us?” 

“Look, James, you’re very pretty and all, but no offence - you’re just not my type.” 

“And Sirius _is_ your type?” This time, James’ voice was dripping with quite bizarrely placed excitement. 

“What a strange line of questioning,” Remus forced out a laugh. “Pity I can’t stay and humour you.”

“You can’t?”

“No. I have uh...a study group meeting,” he lied as he caught sight of Lily talking to a couple of her friends a little ways down the row of students having lunch. 

“But--”

“I’ve got to go. Sorry, James, I _wish_ I could stay and listen to you conspiracy theories...but, alas…” he got up, picked up his book bag, and started walking away backwards, offering James one last shrug. 

“And you? Why aren’t _you_ saying anything, mister?” Remus heard James shuffle his motherly attention to Sirius and quickened his pace.

Why did James seem so intrigued by this all of a sudden? Did he know something? Could he tell that Remus fancied Sirius this whole time? But how? But if he did, maybe that would explain his weirdly offended reaction… Maybe he didn’t approve of it? It didn’t seem entirely implausible - perhaps James got so worked up about it because he didn’t want two of his best friends to do something stupid, something that could potentially ruin the dynamic between all four of them? But it was just a dare, didn’t James know?

As Remus made his way toward Lily, giving her a wave of his hand, he was starting to feel embarrassed. He’d been so caught up in last night’s memory that he never stopped to think about what the kiss really meant. Of course, he wanted it to be some mildly cathartic act that would be just enough to jumpstart Sirius’ love confession, but…that didn’t seem to be the case, did it?

“Hey,” Remus lightly touched Lily’s shoulder.

“Oh good. We need to talk,” she said. She was already getting up from the table, a Cornish pasty in one hand and her bag in the other.

“We do?” Remus hesitantly fell into step beside her as she started to head towards the exit from the Great Hall.

“Uh-huh. So,” Lily’s voice dropped a tad as they walked out into the Entrance Hall. “I’ll ignore the fact that I had to find out from other people...this time. So how was snogging Sirius?”

Remus let out a short, breathy chuckle, but as he did so, a droplet of his own saliva went down his throat, causing a momentary fit of coughing and gasping. “Great, actually. Very lovely. Thanks for asking.” 

“What happened after you kissed?”

“Nothing…” Remus shrugged. He wished something would have happened, but it seemed like the night was taking its uninterrupted course regardless of his desires, and in any case, Sirius didn’t seem to be dwelling on it much. And yet, Remus had failed miserably to think of anything other than the kiss for the past fifteen hours. “The game went on and then it was over.”

“You’re joking… Why didn’t you do anything?”

“Do what?”

“I don’t know! Snog more?!” Lily flailed her arms about, raining crumbs all around her.

“No one dared us again,” Remus retorted, growing a little annoyed - it’s not like _he_ didn’t want to ‘snog more’ and Lily surely knew that.

“Remus. You bloody moron. There can only be one reason for Sirius choosing to snog you. _He fancies you_ ,” she hissed with a twinkle of unexpected anger in her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. “Why won’t you accept it!?”

“I feel like you’re about to smack me,” Remus’ whole upper body was leaning backwards as he cowered in fear of Lily’s wrath, which looked hilarious to any passers by since he was considerably taller than her five feet and seven inches. 

“I really want to, Remus! Don’t _you_ like him anymore?”

“Of course I do.”

“Why aren’t you together then?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Lily. Who wants to be with a werewolf?” He whispered the last sentence as quietly as he could.

“Sirius Black does!!” She shouted at him under her breath. “Why are you being such a bloody idiot!?”

“Genes?” Remus offered with a shrug and a smirk.

“Why else do you think he _chose_ to snog _you_?” Lily plowed on, ignoring his remark.

“Because...we’re friends. He didn’t want to snog anyone there so he got out of it by choosing a friend.”

“ _Oh my fucking God_ ,” she slapped both her hands over her face. “What if I told you...that someone told me that Sirius fancies you.”

“I-- Come again?” Remus inclined his head politely, earning himself another pained look from Lily.

“I can’t say who, I’m not supposed to, but I know for a fact that Sirius fancies you. I was right all along!”

He stared at her for a quiet moment, an amused smile lingering on his lips. “You are such a massive nerd. You just always have to be right, don’t you?”

“I don’t _have_ to. But I usually am. And stop trying to change the topic.”

“Alright then, let’s talk about people fancying other people… Like James fancying you and you fancying him back,” Remus hurried over to the end of the sentence with a triumphant smirk.

“What!?” Lily’s voice suddenly went three octaves up.

“Ooh, you really _have_ developed a soft spot for the arrogant toerag, haven’t you? And I was just stabbing in the dark…”

“Nonsense. Don’t be silly. And get that idiotic grin out of my face, Remus,” she growled, although her flushed cheeks didn’t cooperate with her words of denial.

“You know, we could easily orchestrate a little Truth or Dare circle...or better yet, Spin the Bottle?” 

“I know what you’re doing, Remus. You can derail this conversation all you want, but you can’t get away from the fact that Sirius obviously fancies you. Why won’t you accept it and be happy?”

“I can accept it all I want but I don’t see Sirius trying to kiss me or anything, so…”

“I-- Oh?” Lily perked up all of a sudden and Remus instantly regretted his words, shaking his head as he watched the girl’s grin grow bigger. “So you just don’t want to make the first move?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to… It’s more that I am scared fucking shitless, you know?”

“But… He obviously wanted to snog you! And I think he tried to send you a Valentine’s day greeting, it just didn’t work out…” She trailed off, scrunching up her nose as she did. “And he’s always hanging around you and always touching you. I mean, for God’s sake, haven’t you noticed?”

“But what if he doesn’t _actually_ fancy me?”

“Why wouldn’t he?!”

“How much time do you have?”

Lily’s face soured at these words. “Why can’t you accept that you’re an attractive and loveable person?”

“Okay, now _you’re_ the one derailing this conversation,” Remus teased her, waving a finger in front of her face.

“Oh, you are impossible! Sometimes I forget how much alike all of you are!”

* * *

“So am I or am I not his type? I don’t understand...” Sirius sighed out while closing the last couple feet to the ground and dismounting his broomstick with the grace and agility of a ballet dancer. At this, James let out a quiet moan and shook his head.

Sirius had been helping the Gryffindor Quidditch team practice - there had been an unfortunate accident involving two rogue Bludgers during practice the week before and one of the Beaters was still in the hospital wing. Normally, James would have been excited about Sirius flying with them - he was a better than decent flyer and they always had fun, the whole team. On this particular evening, however, Sirius couldn’t seem to focus on anything and James was becoming visibly irked by that (and, as Sirius had already been informed, insulted by having found out about Sirius snogging Remus from other people).

As soon as the practice was over, everyone scattered, vacating the dark grounds; Sirius and James started making their way towards the castle too, eager to get some dinner into their stomachs before heading up to the Gryffindor tower. They just caught the tail end of the dinner service and scarfed it all down without talking much.

“Do you think he actually knows I fancy him?” Sirius wondered out loud as they walked out of the Great Hall and started up the stone steps.

“I reckon he might have caught on when you shoved your tongue down his throat, don’t you?”

“James, I swear I--”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

“I...don’t know how.”

“Say ‘do you know I fancy you?’..”

Sirius rolled his eyes with a pained expression. It wasn’t all that easy. There seemed to be this weight on his chest that grew heavier with every day that passed without him telling Remus how he felt about him. It was nothing short of maddening, really. Sirius felt like he was lying to Remus somehow, like he wasn’t being honest with one of the closest people he’d ever had in his life. “It’s all different now.”

“But it’s not _really_ different, is it?” James asked with a somewhat reluctant flicker of softness in his voice. 

“But of course it is!”

“No… I mean, you’re still friends, like you’ve always been. Talk to him about it the way you would about anything else. The way we always do. Don’t you know that we’ve always got each other’s back?”

“I suppose… But…”

“But what?”

“I don’t know… We would spend hours talking on the phone...and now I don’t even know what to say. It always feels like the wrong time, like I’ll fuck it up somehow.” At first, Sirius wasn’t sure whether Remus was into boys at all. Then, that French tosser showed up out of nowhere. And what about all those scattered moments in time when Sirius was bursting to say something but couldn’t because Remus was either busy or high or recovering from a full moon... It felt like Sirius was stuck in a never ending labyrinth. “I don’t want to say anything stupid.”

“I think it’s a few years too late for that, mate. Also, you don’t have a telephone,” James snorted.

Sirius shot him a dirty look before answering in a pointed voice, “He used to call the phone box outside my parents’ house.”

James lingered on the spot, evidently taken aback by this information. “He… The what?”

“Phone box. It’s a box with a phone in it.”

“But when was this happening?”

“The summer before last. Before I moved out… But you knew this?”

“No, I don’t believe I did.” 

“Well...there you go. You know now.”

“What did you talk about?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius tilted his head, his eyes narrowing in thought. “Anything. Everything and nothing,” he shrugged. “He used to put on records so that I could listen to music. Seeing as my lovely parents had filled the place with so much Dark magic that no Muggle device could ever work in that dusty cave of a house…”

“And when you say you’d talk for hours…” James trailed off inquisitively. 

“What about it?”

“You really don’t..? Wow, you’re a bloody idiot, let’s reestablish that.”

“Rich, coming from you.”

“These telephone conversations with music playing in the background…”

“It’s not what I said,” Sirius mumbled as James went on.

“...don’t they strike you as - I don’t know - a bit _romantic_?”

Sirius stared at James for a moment, his wide eyes completely void of any signs of comprehension or emotion; then he burst out laughing. “Did a Bludger get you too, Prongs?”

“Sod off,” James frowned momentarily but proceeded with unfolding his theory nevertheless. “Think about it. What if it was a girl you were talking to for hours and listening to music together? Or, I guess, literally anyone that you haven’t been friends with for years... Wouldn’t that seem like a… I don’t know, a telephone date?”

“But it d-- You’re-- It’s not-- I don’t--” Sirius couldn’t find the right words, nor did he really know what he was trying to say. He’d never thought of those phone calls like that when they were happening. But just a year later Sirius had found himself falling in love with Remus -- so maybe there was some truth in what James was saying...

“Uh-huh… I’d love to hear Moony’s riveting account of these mysterious conversations.”

“But you and I used to use our mirrors all the time,” Sirius added quietly, half-hoping that James could explain that away.

“I never played music for you. Plus, my Patronus isn’t your animagus and I don’t smell Moony in Amortentia.”

“Wait, what? I’m _whose_ Patronus?”

“Do I really have to spell it out for you? Hey! Prince!” James bellowed all of a sudden, making Sirius flinch before they quickened their step while Marlene was holding the portrait of the Fat Lady open for them.

“Are you two up to something illegal again?” She eyed them as they climbed into the Gryffindor common room behind her. Sirius, in the meantime, scanned the entire place - packed full of students, as it always was on Friday evenings - for Remus, but saw no sign of him.

“What a lofty, ungrounded accusation,” James gasped and then shuffled his gaze onto Lily, who had evidently been walking ahead of Marlene. “Evans,” he nodded with a smirk and Sirius - unable to decide whether he wanted to glare or roll his eyes at his friend - gave out a defeated sigh.

“What is this one sighing about?” Lily asked James.

“Oh, I suppose that would be the fact that he just found out that him and Remus have been in a relationship for a couple of years now.”

“Huh?”

“They used to talk on the telephone for hours and Remus would play records for this sappy old dog,” James gazed at Lily, delivering what he must have thought to be the funniest line ever.

“But he doesn’t have a phone, does he?” Lily nodded her head at Sirius, who stood there stoney faced.

“They used something called a box of phones,” James explained, consequently sending both Lily and Marlene into a fit of laughter. “What…”

Sirius dragged his feet behind the rest of them as they moved deeper into the common room, towards the old red sofas by the fireplace. He was only half listening to James and Lily as the two joked about the supposedly romantic phone calls. 

He was thinking about the past few months; about how realising that he had a crush on Remus had been the most exciting and all-consuming thing. He gave in to the gentle tug of a dreamy smile as he stared into the hot embers glistening in the fireplace - he had been kissing Moony just about twenty-four hours ago. He wanted to do it again -- and soon. It had made Sirius feel the happiest he could remember ever being. And it had felt so curiously right, as though it was always meant to happen. And if James was telling the truth - _of course he was, why would he lie?_ \- then Remus’ Patronus was Padfoot. But did that mean what Sirius so desperately wanted it to?

“What are you cackling about?” The very amused voice of Remus spoke right behind the armchair that Sirius had occupied, making him turn his head around so fast, his neck almost snapped.

“Oh, just your romantic phone calls.” James, who was sitting on the backrest of one of the sofas, surrounded by Lily and Peter, threw a cushion at Sirius as he answered. He had that stupid, yet endearing grin plastered all over his face; the one that always found its way to his lips whenever Lily talked to him or laughed at his jokes. That _had_ been happening a lot, Sirius thought fleetingly.

“Romantic phone calls?” Remus stepped to the side and sat down on one of Sirius’ chair’s armrests, just like that, casually, as if his proximity, mixed with the memory of last night’s kiss, didn’t give Sirius heart palpitations. 

“Yeah, the ones where you would play records for Sirius,” Lily clarified rather enthusiastically. 

“Ah, yes. Bizarre choice of topic for a Friday evening conversation, but who am I to judge. Yes, it’s true, I trained Pads to use a phone,” Remus grinned down at Sirius as he spoke.

“And I trained Moony to only listen to good music,” he mirrored the expression.

“Indeed,” Remus slowly peeled his shining eyes off Sirius and looked around at their friends. “Matter of fact, he would often request Joni Mitchell, of all things.”

Those in the group who were familiar with Muggle music, including James and Peter, all burst out laughing. Moments later, when the chuckling and wheezing died down, Lily pointed out that this meant Remus must have owned Joni Mitchell records.

“Yes, but who in their right mind would tease a you-know-what about his music choices?”

“He means a ‘sarcastic six-foot-two know-it-all’,” Sirius clarified, loudly, for everyone to hear, causing another wave of laughter.

“So would you agree then that these phone calls were romantic?” James looked over at Remus and so did Sirius, although a lot less obviously.

“Again with the strange questions…”

“Again with the avoiding of answering my questions.”

“He does that a lot,” Lily added with a smirk. Sirius wondered what she meant by that. But regardless of what it was, he had to agree - Remus seemed to be set on not answering a single question. And he could have very easily said ‘no’.

“Moony, have you finished your Transfiguration essay?” Sirius did what he thought was a poor impersonation of someone who just remembered they’d left the cauldron boiling.

“Don’t forget to bring some romantic music along if you’ll be doing homework together,” Peter cackled.

“Just about,” Remus answered, completely disregarding Peter’s remark. “I just need to write a concluding paragraph or two.”

“Do you want to do it together?”

“Sure.”

“I’m about-- Do you mind sitting down here, with the rest of the peasantry?” Sirius scooted to one side of the oversized armchair and patted the space next to himself while rubbing the back of his neck with his other hand.

Remus hesitated for just a split second before sliding down from the armrest. The chair was just big enough to contain the two of them, squeezed together rather snuggly, albeit not uncomfortably.

“Better, your highness?” Remus asked pompously and Sirius nodded, grinning, watching the boy’s ears turn a gentle shade of pink.

“Much better.”

“So the essay…”

“Oh, right, right. I’m about halfway done…”

“Really?” Moony beamed at him with eyes full of surprise.

“Okay, maybe not quite halfway. I definitely have the title written down though!”

“You know you can’t just copy mine, right?”

“I know. How about tomorrow?”

“It’s Hogsmeade weekend…”

“I mean, if you’re busy then we don’t--”

“No, it’s fine. Tomorrow sounds good.” 

“Get a room!” Peter shouted out while James sent another cushion flying at Sirius and Remus.


	19. Insufferable Smartass and The Plan

Curiously, it was Sirius who suggested that him and Remus should bring their homework to Hogsmeade. When Remus pointed out that they might as well just enjoy the little daytrip with their friends and work later, Sirius started talking about how important school was and how procrastination was ‘the grave in which opportunity is buried’. In fact, he seemed eerily set on working on their Transfiguration essays together. In the end, regardless of what kind of Confundus spell had been cast on Sirius, Remus had no objections to the plan so they ran upstairs after breakfast to gather their stuff. 

When they came back down to the Entrance Hall, they cut in line (one of the perks of being sixth years) and headed straight to where James, Peter, and Lily, among some other friendly faces, were waiting for Filch to check their permission slips.

“Didn’t you two have a study date today?” James smirked at them and - with full, wholehearted, giggly approval of none other than Lily - ruffled his hair. Remus made a mental note to mention this very moment in his speech at James and Lily’s wedding, which, all of a sudden he was sure, was going to happen one day.

“Multitasking,” he nodded knowledgeably, “we’ll be drinking butterbeer while writing about the dangers of poorly executed human transfiguration.”

“I’m sure drinking butterbeer is somewhere there on the list of things not to do while you transfigure yourself,” Sirius added with the same gravitas.

“Well, if you get anything written at all, I’ll copy some of it later,” James looked at him while buttoning his jacket up.

“Why would you even suggest such a thing!?” Sirius exclaimed but Remus also caught him winking.

It just so happened that it was a beautiful spring day. Most of the students had no interest in hanging out at Three Broomsticks, or any other little shops and cafes of Hogsmeade, for more than five minutes. Remus and Sirius decided to get their homework out of the way first, so they headed for the pub, with the promise of meeting up with the rest of their friends at Honeydukes later.

Sirius insisted on paying for their butterbeers, which Remus accepted, albeit reluctantly. “I’ll get you something at Honeydukes,” he bobbed his head as Sirius followed him to one of the booths with two glasses in his hands. He also just so happened to sit down on the same side of their table, right next to Remus. But, of course, it made sense, because they were going to do homework together…

“Nah, just let me treat you to this.”

“Alright, what did you do?” Remus’ mouth split into a tentative, yet mischievous grin.

“What do you mean?” Sirius propped his elbow against the backrest of his seat and turned sideways, resting his right ankle on his left knee, to face Remus.

“Are you in a lot of trouble?”

“You’re deducting this from me buying you a drink?” Sirius smiled brightly, curiosity etched into his beaming eyes.

“Mixed with the fact that you’ve been set on getting away from our other friends. Are you trying to get out of detention? Look, before I casually confide in Dumbledore that I couldn’t bear to keep going if not for my best friends always there, always right at my side, I’d like to know what it is that you did to deserve a significant enough punishment that you actually want to get out of it,” Remus finished with a smirk.

“I--” Sirius frowned momentarily. “D’you know what… I think I _do_ do that, don’t it?” He barked out a laugh. “You’re right!”

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out…”

“Fuck, you are bloody amazing, you are,” Sirius gazed at him, nothing short of starry-eyed. 

“I am?..” Remus chuckled.

“But you’re wrong this time.”

“I am!?”

“I haven’t done anything. I just want to treat you to a drink, that’s it.”

“Oh…” First, Remus gaped at Sirius dumbfounded, and then a melodious laugh erupted from him. He felt giddy all of a sudden. “Alright then…”

At first, they successfully dove into their essays. Remus was pleasantly surprised to see that Sirius had, in fact, already written a few paragraphs. But then, the more they sat there in that booth, their thighs and knees always touching; the more times Sirius leaned in so very close to glance at his essay, the more his black wavy hair tickled the side of Remus’ face -- the harder it was to focus on writing about Mirabella Plunkett and whether she was or wasn’t an animagus.

“Can I ask you something?” Sirius spoke up out of the blue a while later.

“When have you ever needed permission for that?” Remus mumbled as his quill traced the last couple of words of the sentence.

“Did you ever manage to conjure a corporeal Patronus?”

“Uh…” Remus tore his gaze off his essay and met Sirius’ grey eyes.

“My question has nothing to do with what we’re currently doing, by the way,” Sirius grinned.

“I’ve gathered.”

“So?”

“I don’t know… Kind of...”

“Kind of? So yes or no?”

“Yes.”

“What was it?”

Remus pursed his lips and his eyebrows dipped in contemplation. _He knows!?_ “Some kind of an animal,” he answered slowly. 

“Some kind of an animal?”

“Mhm.”

“It wasn’t a dog, was it?” Sirius smirked and Remus cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair, shuffling his gaze back down onto his homework and biting the inside of his cheeks to keep from grinning.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled nonchalantly. “I’ll have to think about it. We should finish this in the meantime.”

“And then you’ll tell me?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.”

Remus couldn’t have said whether it was a minute or ten that he spent pretending to read his textbook while mentally rolling his eyes at himself for getting so flustered and giddy. Finally, after another round of butterbeers paid for by Sirius, they were both done with their essays.

“I did borrow a couple of your ideas, but I changed the wording and everything,” Sirius knit his eyebrows together as he looked down at his homework.

“Let’s see…” Remus started proofreading it. He spoke again after a couple of minutes, “you wrote the same exact sentence twice here. Is there a particular reason for that or..?” He slid the essay closer to Sirius and pointed at the lines he was talking about.

“I did?” Sirius grabbed the parchment and pulled it closer to himself. “Well it’s obviously your fault. You’re distracting me.”

“ _I’m_ distracting you?” Remus’ eyebrows shot up in an amused expression when Sirius lifted his eyes from the essay.

“Yes… Did you know you’ve got ink on your nose?” Sirius’ face instantly broke out into a smile.

“I do?..” Remus tried to use a napkin dispenser as a mirror but its once shiny surface was far too dusty and scuffed up to reflect anything.

“Let me…” Sirius grabbed a napkin, touched his wand to it, and conjured a tiny bit of water to get it damp. He then reached over - although him and Remus were sitting so close that there wasn’t much reaching to do - and wiped the blue smudge off the tips of his nose.

“Thanks…” Remus touched his nose absently. Now that he thought about it, Sirius would have probably made fun of Peter for having ink on his nose and would have let James walk around with a blue stain on his face without telling him at all, just for the heck of it. 

“No worries,” Sirius sat back with a newfound cheeky smirk on his face. Remus was very much aware that his ears must have gone red and Sirius evidently felt emboldened by it. “So what’s your Patronus?”

“Didn’t you say it was a dog?” Remus mirrored his expression. “Aren’t you going to fix your essay?”

“Later… So it _is_ a dog then?”

“It is.”

“Any dog we know or…”

Remus bit the tip of his tongue as he tried to tone his admittedly idiotic grin down at least a little bit. Clearly, Sirius knew exactly what his Patronus was, and by the looks of it, he seemed to be pretty pleased by it. Remus started loading his parchment and ink into his bag as he shrugged in response to the question. “I think you know. Now, if we’re done with Transfiguration, why don’t we go find the others?” He got up and swung the strap of his bag over his shoulder.

“The...others?.. Wait, no!” Sirius grabbed his things and recklessly stuffed them into his bag, probably breaking his quill in the process. By the time he got up to his feet, Remus was at the door, holding it open for a pair of old ladies walking into Three Broomsticks, before he dove into the sunshine and crisp breeze outside.

“Oi, Lupin!” 

“Black?” Remus scrunched his nose at Sirius once the latter caught up with him.

“Remus! What is wrong with you?”

“So many things, where do I even begin…” The boy smiled sheepishly.

“Do you not like me? Am I just making it up?”

“What…”

“Haven’t you noticed that I’ve been…” Sirius shrugged animatedly, causing some passers by to cast dirty glances at them. “...swooning over you for months!? I mean, _what is wrong with you_?! Why won’t you see that I’m in love with you?”

A long silence wrapped around these words as they echoed in Remus’ head, and he simply stared at Sirius’ face. And it dawned on him, slowly, gradually, the meaning that Sirius’ voice carried. “I thought _I_ was supposed to be the swooning type?” He said with a smirk springing to his lips.

“Bloody Merlin… _Am_ I making it--”

“Can we talk? Not here?” Remus motioned at the entire length of High Street filled with people.

“Shit. Well,” Sirius mumbled as colour drained from his face. “Not like I didn’t know this was a possibility… But I will respect whatever you say. And, just so we’re clear, I don’t think this should get in the way of our friendship…”

“Sirius.”

“...because I don’t want to not know you ever again. I’m fine with being your friend…”

“Sirius, I…”

“...if that’s what you want. I just need an answer so I can move--”

Remus sighed to himself with a roll of his eyes - he couldn’t believe he was about to do this - he closed the gap between the two of them in one smooth stride, and, drowning his fingers in the black mane, pressed his lips to Sirius’, effectively cutting him off.

He had spent what felt like every waking moment of the past couple of days replaying that Truth or Dare kiss in his head, sinking deeper and deeper into the fantasy of getting to snog Sirius again. And yet - a fleeting thought flickered in his head - he wasn’t prepared for this. He couldn’t have known how dizzying it would be to feel Sirius’ arms snake around his waist, pulling him closer. He couldn’t have known how positively drunk with happiness he would feel when they pulled apart.

“I’m sorry, so rude of me to cut you off,” Remus’ lips formed a giddy grin while Sirius stared at him, seemingly dumbstruck, still holding him close. “What was it that you were saying?”

“I…” He blinked rather comically and gave the tiniest shake of his head. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you, please, repeat what you just did?”

Remus felt his heart quite literally expand in his chest as they kissed again, happy smiles permanently stuck on their faces.

* * *

“So you’ve been _swooning_ over me?” Remus beamed sheepishly as he fiddled with the lapels of Sirius’ leather jacket.

“Very much so,” Sirius nodded stoically, making a mental note to perhaps one day tell Moony about what _Amortentia_ smelled of to him - not just yet though. 

“No, you haven’t!”

“Yes, I have,” Sirius gave another nod of his head, feeling like his own exhilarated grin could barely fit on his face. He could hardly believe what had just happened. “Ask anyone we know.”

“What?..”

“Yep, _everyone_ knows I fancy you.”

“W-what?”

“Oh yeah. James knows, Peter knows, I’m pretty sure Lily knows, and probably all her friends. Definitely Marlene and Mary. Everyone who’s seen us snog the other night knows. I’ve a feeling McGonagall knows too. Dumbledore probably knows as well, seeing as he keeps such a close eye on you. Madam Pomfrey? Ten galleons says she knows. The house elves know it, I think. Regulus shouted a weird insult at me the other day that suggests that he knows as well. Speaking of Slytherins, I wouldn’t be surprised if Snivellus knew. Who else?..” Sirius stared off into the distance, scratching his chin as he did.

“What…are you talking about...” Remus was squinting at him now.

“Oh yeah, everyone knows. Honestly, I thought you’d have figured it out by now yourself.”

Remus’ face split into a sunny smile all of a sudden. “Would have been easier if you had told me.”

“Last I checked, you snogged the living hell out of me so I’m hardly the one to take all the blame. Besides, I’ve tried telling you.”

“No, you haven’t,” Remus shook his head with an ever present smirk.

“I have too. Numerous times.”

“When?!”

“I don’t know, every day for the last couple of months,” Sirius shrugged, only vaguely aware of the hairs on the back of his neck standing up in some kind of electric excitement. He must have looked like an idiot too, he was sure, gazing at Moony the way he did. But he couldn’t help himself. Nothing had ever felt so unequivocally good and right, and if Sirius didn’t know better, he could have sworn he was dreaming. 

“What?” Remus scrunched up his nose, causing Sirius to chuckle.

“You,” he answered with an unabashed dreaminess permeating his voice.

“I know,” Moony’s lips formed a smug little smile. “You’ve been swooning over a disfigured werewolf with a compulsive need to correct people’s grammar - it must be tough.”

“Those are two of my favourite things about you. Always have been. That hasn’t changed.” Sirius rebutted without missing a beat, leapt over to Remus’ side, and took his hand, lacing their fingers together, which elicited a chuckle from the boy. “What?” Sirius nudged him with his shoulder.

“Nothing,” Remus shrugged and looked down at their linked hands. “I’m just really excited, I suppose.”

“I’ve never seen you laugh out of excitement before.” 

“Maybe I’ve never been _this_ excited before, then.”

“I know I haven’t,” Sirius said and, only allowing himself a split second’s hesitation, lifted his free hand to cup Remus’ face and drew him into another kiss.

When their lips broke apart, their foreheads remained glued together, resting against each other for another moment. “Please tell me you didn’t write that Valentine’s day poem...”

A tickled laugh erupted from Sirius. “That was absolutely my own fault for allowing too much creative liberties…”

“As in, you actually hired that dwarf?” Remus arched his eyebrows as they fell into step side by side.

“I did. I also made a heart in your porridge that morning but you called it a butt, you uncultured troll.”

“That’s ‘uncultured troll that you’ve been swooning over’, excuse you.”

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks and when Moony - who also stopped, since they were holding hands - peered at him curiously, Sirius tugged him a little closer. “I am so into you,” he spoke barely above a whisper.

“Even though I fold my socks?” Remus attempted a nonchalant chuckle but his blushing ears gave him away.

“Even though you fold your socks.”

“Even though I’m a monster?”

“For the millionth time, Moony, shut the fuck up,” Sirius frowned momentarily. 

“Calling it something else only increases--”

“Yeah, I know, says Dumbledore. Whatever. I’d still rather call you ‘honey’ or ‘love’ or ‘handsome’-- or ‘nerd’, really,” he flashed Moony a charming grin before pointedly averting his eyes. “Or ‘my boyfriend’, if that’s alright with you…”

“Well, seeing as I’ve fancied you since about fourth year…”

“What?! Where was I?!”

“Fourth year?..” Remus stared off into the distance, squinting slightly, scratching his chin as he did. “If I remember correctly, you had a crush on that one sixth year Slytherin girl.”

“Unbelievable…”

“In fact, I think you went through a phase that year where you were only interested in older girls, so...”

“No, I mean… What was wrong with me?”

“Well, just off the top of my head--”

“It’s a rhetorical question, you insufferable smartass,” Sirius’ eyes glistened mischievously and then he planted a kiss on Remus’ lips - because he could, finally, after all those months.

“And you’re absolutely sure you want to be romantically affiliated with an insufferable smartass?” Remus sounded slightly out of breath when he spoke, a giddy smile painted across his face.

“More than anything, quite literally.”

Remus laughed - giggled - again, and Sirius felt like his feet were about to leave the ground; he was that full of love and of dizzying happiness. And that was his new favourite sound all of a sudden - one that he knew was for him only. 

“That summer after our fourth year...” He slid his hands into Remus’ jacket pockets - either for lack of knowing what to do with his hands or for a reason to touch _his boyfriend Remus_. “...was the summer when we talked on the phone a lot.”

“It was.” Moony gave a nod of his head and one of his trademark inquisitive looks.

“It was a bit romantic, wasn’t it?”

“I suppose so,” Remus chuckled lightly. 

“I’d really missed that this last summer. You’ll have to come visit this summer break!”

“Will _I_ have to sleep on the floor of your bedroom this time?” Remus teased.

“I think I prefer the bed, but whatever you say. We can do the floor, we can do it wherever,” Sirius went on with exaggerated coyness etched into his features. “I’ll do it any place and any way you want.” 

“You say all these facetious, idiotic things,” Remus mumbled low, slowly bringing his hands up to Sirius’ face, squinting at him ever so slightly, “and you wear these dangly earrings and this dung eating grin, and I simply can’t…” Without finishing the sentence, Remus kissed Sirius senseless. 

Finally, Sirius snaked his arm around Moony’s waist and they started down the street again. They chatted as they walked, exchanging flirtatious lines and smiles, and Sirius caught his imagination painting an exciting picture of everyone finding out about him and Remus. A part of him could hardly wait for it. It was the same part that wanted to get atop the Astronomy Tower just to shout to the world about _his boyfriend Remus_ , just to share his amazing luck with everyone. 

But at the core of his being, as he gazed into those beaming green eyes, Sirius wanted nothing more than to see Moony smile the way that he was smiling at him then - every day, for as long as they lived. 

The two of them slowly made their way to Honeydukes. It turned out to be the busiest shop in town, crawling with Hogwarts students. They stopped a few feet away from the entrance, allowing two small gaggles of third years to cross their path.

“D’you think...do you reckon it’s going to be strange? For James and Peter...” Remus smiled at Sirius sheepishly, his eyebrows dipping in dubiety. 

“Oh,” Sirius burst out laughing, his eyes glistening as he cupped Remus’ face with both of his hands, gently brushing his fingertips against the freckled skin, “oh, my love! They’re going to be _relieved_ , trust me.”

“Are they?” Moony’s face slowly mimicked Sirius’ grin.

Before too long, the two boys went into Honeydukes where Remus, standing on his toes, located their friends huddled at the far end of the shop. Sirius started weaving his way through the sea of people, holding Remus’ hand in his - as they had done before when in crowded places. But this time, it felt different, far more exhilarating, Sirius thought.

By the time they crossed the room, however, they realised that their friends had gone. “Oh, there they are...and they just walked outside,” Remus followed them out with his gaze.

The two of them turned around, joking about, still holding hands, and Sirius led the way towards the exit. When they were almost at the door, they heard a familiar voice, speaking just outside, just out of sight.

“...and then they won’t be able to wriggle their way out of it!” Peter exclaimed triumphantly.

“Sirius won’t,” James spoke up next, “but who knows what lie Remus will come up with. The boy’s a bloody master at denial and dodging questions.”

At these words, both Sirius and Remus looked at each other, the same curiosity reflected in their faces. But before they could make the decision to either remain hidden or join their friends outside, Lily’s voice carried: “Trust me, it’ll work. They’ll be in each other’s arms by the end of it.”

“Or are you just saying that because you actually want to pretend to be on a date with me?”

Sirius and Remus both frowned and then almost broke out laughing at the same time in response to James’ words. 

“You wish, Potter!” Lily let out a melodious laugh and then spoke again, more sternly this time. “It’ll work. They fancy each other, but they’re both too stupid to make the first move. We just need to nudge them a little in the right direction. Don’t tell me this isn’t a brilliant plan?”

“Fine, it is. But that doesn’t mean that you _don’t_ want to pretend to be on a date with me, does it?”

“Give it a rest, _will ya_ , lad?” Peter’s exasperated, yet absolutely defeated voice caused Sirius to slap his hand over his own mouth to keep from laughing, while Remus clutched his chest, wheezing soundlessly. “I think the plan’s brilliant. And frankly, I’m tired of the whining and sighing.”

“Whose whining and sighing?” Remus whispered at Sirius but he just bit back a grin and shushed him.

“Peer pressure _is_ a powerful weapon,” James quipped, making Lily and Peter chuckle outside. 

“Oh, I can’t wait!” Lily squealed.

“But what if they get together before then, on their own?” Peter asked and, after several silent seconds, during which they probably exchanged looks, the three Gryffindors burst out laughing.

“Good one, Wormy!” Lily cackled, to Sirius’ deep surprise.

“But seriously,” James spoke quieter now, “to be able to do this for two of my best friends is an honour. You know, I think it’s a privilege to be a part of it…”

“Gosh, you sound like they just asked you to be the best man…”

“Well, Sirius certainly will, won’t he?!”

“See,” Sirius turned to Remus and whispered with a playful smile, “I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that everyone knows.”

“I can’t believe this…” Remus shook his head slowly, staring blankly into space. “I can’t believe they’re plotting like that, behind our backs.”

“It’s interesting how confident they all are that you fancy me.”

Remus looked over to Sirius’ face again and was met with a cheeky smirk. “I know, it _is_ interesting,” he played dumb, although not very successfully. “Is it bad that I kind of want to go along with their plan just to see what would happen?”

“But it wouldn’t make any sense if-- Wait…” Sirius’ smile faded. “You mean, pretend that we didn’t just snog multiple times and go along with their plan?”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

An outraged gasp erupted from Sirius as he shot Remus a dirty look. “Are you ashamed of me?!”

“Yes… Yes, you got me,” the boy uttered in a monotone.

“I’m just yanking your wand, Moony,” Sirius barked out a laugh at _his boyfriend’s_ sarcasm. “Naturally, we have to do it.”

“Who are we if we _don’t_ do it?”

“Certainly not Marauders.”

“A disappointment to ourselves, really.”

“And to all future generations of delinquents.”

“Besides, who are we to deny James the opportunity to go on a fake date with Lily?”

“Nothing but scoundrels if we get in the way of it.”

“Well, shall we?” Remus nodded his head in the direction of the exit.

Sirius quickly scooped up both of Moony’s hands and pulled him a little closer. “You make me so happy - always - but especially today.”

And they kissed, again, just inside Honeydukes, feeling like no one else was there, like no one could see them, even though it was brimming with people.

“Ah, there you are, we were looking for you,” Sirius drawled, a giddy smile permanently plastered all over his face, as he and Remus walked outside - no longer holding hands.

“We were looking for _you_!” James leapt over to the two boys and hooked his arms around their shoulders.

“Did you get your chocolate supply?” Lily looked over at Remus.

“Believe it or not, I’m still stocked from last time.”

“Oh? That is a little worrisome. How’s your blood sugar level?” She grinned.

“It’ll get me through the day.”

“What’s going on?” Peter, seemingly completely uninterested in the conversation, looked at Sirius curiously.

“What do you mean?” He shrugged with his hands buried in his pockets, fully aware that he must have looked nothing short of drunk - because that was close to how he felt.

“You two look awfully happy…” Peter shuffled his gaze onto Remus.

“We do?” Sirius asked brightly. “Moony, what do you think? How come we look so awfully happy?”

“Oh, that would be the euphoria of having finished our homework, Padfoot,” he answered with a radiant smile.


	20. The Secret Werewolf Boyfriend

“So,” James cast a glance over at the two girls in question, who were huddled together in the corner of the shop, giggling. “Marlene and Dorcas have been friends for just as long as Remus and Sirius. How come they can just ask each other out and be done with it,” James’ voice was growing rapidly more high pitched, giving away his frustration, “but those two idiots would sooner drink an old dragon’s piss than admit that they fancy each other!?”

“Good question,” Lily nodded. “My theory is that it’s because boys are stupid.”

“Well I may be a stupid boy but it takes two to duel, Evans,” James retorted with a smirk. “But now is not the time. Can Marlene and Dorcas talk to our idiot friends and tell them to stop being idiots so we can all finally get some bloody peace?”

“Maybe they could all go on a gay double date?” Peter suggested half-heartedly.

“A gay double date…” James scratched his chin.

“Alright, you two are officially banned from making any decisions relating to this matter.”

“Says who?”

“Says me, Potter. Peter, that’s not a terrible idea…”

“A bit obvious, don’t you think?” James scoffed. “Considering that the issue at hand is that they won’t ask each other out in the first place.”

“We can work something out,” Lily assured him. 

She’d seen how Sirius and Remus gravitate towards each other in social situations, she’d watched them sit closer and closer to each other as the evening progressed, she’d noticed them make eyes at each other… What they needed to do in order to nudge Remus and Sirius into each other’s arms was to make it seem like they weren’t trying to. They couldn’t openly ask them to go on a double date. Instead, they needed to make it seem like they accidentally ended up on one.

“How can we get them to go on a double date without them realising what they’re agreeing to… I think if we could get them to feel like the third wheel...”

“The third wheel?” James stared at her blankly.

“It’s when you’re constantly hanging about a couple and interrupting them, Prongs. It’s a Muggle thing.”

“How do you know…”

“Nevermind that, focus!” Lily snapped her fingers. “How can we make Remus and Sirius feel like the third wheel to Dorlene?”

“Dorlene?...” James gave her the same vacant look.

“That’s what I call them now. It’s much easier,” Lily smiled feebly with a shrug.

“Alright… But can we trust them to keep an eye on Pads and Moony?” James cast a glance at the two girls who were now holding hands and giggling as Marlene whispered something.

“You’ve got someone better?”

“Peter and Lydia!” James exclaimed. 

“Why would I _ever_ invite those two on my date with Lydia?” Peter whined with a pointedly confused frown. “That is literally the last thing I’d ever want to do.”

“Well, how about all of you go on a triple date?” James suggested after nodding in apparent understanding of Peter’s predicament. Lily, against her better judgement, fleetingly thought that that was one of her favourite qualities of James - how he cared about his friends, deeply and above anything else. 

“But that’s brilliant! You could agree to hang out together,” Lily looked at Peter with shining eagerness. “And then, you know...act all couply! They’ll be stuck, on a date… Better yet, let’s do it at Puddifoot’s during the next Hogsmeade trip!”

“Brilliant. Except that you, my lovely Lily, underestimate Remus Lupin’s stubbornness.”

“Maybe you underestimate how much he fancies Sirius.”

“Let’s do it,” Peter spoke up abruptly. “I’m tired of their bizarre public mating rituals. If there’s any chance this can put an end to it…”

“It...it’s going to be alright, Wormy…” James patted Peter on the back a few times as the latter stared off into the distance dramatically.

“I think the next Hogsmeade trip is in about three weeks…” Lily squinted at them with a smile. 

“But, wait a minute… How come I don’t get to be a part of the prank?”

“Plan,” Lily corrected, and, without missing a beat, James repeated, ‘plan’.

“Bring a date,” she said. “Frankly, the more people the better, probably.”

“Alright then. You want to come with me?” 

“Me?” Lily took a sharp breath. “But I… I mean…”

“I know you’re not ready to go on a real date with me, Evans, but this one is just pretend.”

“Not ready!?”

“Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“But how will we…” She fell silent, flustered, unsure of what she wanted to ask. 

“We’ll tell them, the week of, that we all want to go to Hogsmeade together and then you and I will drink hot cocoa and talk and laugh, as if we’re on a real date. But really, we’ll be watching Remus pretending like he doesn’t know that Sirius is trying to chat him up.”

“Hot cocoa? Really?” Lily managed to collect herself and was smirking now. “That’s what you drink on dates? What are you, six?” 

“Well, well, well.” James wiggled his eyebrows with an infuriatingly smug grin. “Kitty’s showing her claws, is she now?”

“I think I just puked in my mouth a little…” Peter mumbled faintly.

“You are _so stupid_ , James,” Lily struggled not to laugh. She decided, just then, that she would do it. “Alright then, we can go on a fake date. I don’t think they’re here,” she added with a quick glance around the shop, or as much of it as she could see, and then started leading the two boys towards the exit.

“Wonderful,” James stepped outside after Lily and Peter. “Too bad this plan won’t work.”

“It will. We’ll make it work, won’t we, Peter?”

“You know what, I think it might work... If we just really play it up, then they won’t be able to wriggle their way out of it!” He exclaimed triumphantly.

“Sirius won’t, but who knows what lie Remus will come up with. The boy’s a bloody master at denial and dodging questions.”

The three of them kept talking about it but before too long, Sirius appeared in the doorway of Honeydukes, followed by Remus. Even before Peter pointed out that the pair looked unusually happy, Lily noticed it herself. She waited until they all decided to go get some ice cream and then fell into step beside Remus.

“So--”

“So how are things between you and James?” He cut across her almost demonstratively, a smug smirk tinting his features. “What’s going on?”

Lily gaped at him before scrunching her nose and snorting in a feeble attempt at hiding the rosy shades that instantly permeated her cheeks. “Nothing’s going on between me and James, Remus. Why do people keep insisting on it,” she rolled her eyes, although a part of her was strangely thrilled by it, she had to admit. Both Marlene and Dorcas, and even Frank, had asked her about James just within the past week...

“Oh? I thought you were finally coexisting in a civilised manner and becoming friends? Was I wrong?” He raised his eyebrows in a gesture of infuriating politeness.

“Well, yes, we are friends. I thought you were…” Lily trailed off. “Sod off!”

“What did you assume I was asking about, Lily?”

She glared at him squarely. Then, mustering a snigger of a smile, she crossed her arms over her chest. “How are things between you and Sirius?”

“Delightful,” Remus answered with a light shrug. “I’m still screaming inside, he’s still stupid and beautiful.”

“Well, how did your study date go? What happened?”

“Sirius paid for my butterbeer. We finished our homework.” Remus shrugged again, his hands tucked away in his pockets. “We snogged some.”

Lily met the last sentence with a long, quiet, dubious stare. Then, like a sudden rainstorm, she burst out laughing. “Good one.”

* * *

If not for the secret glances and smiles and touched hands, Remus could have sworn that it all had been a dream, that Sirius hadn’t told him he was in love with him, that they hadn’t snogged just a couple of days ago. And he wondered whether he simply never noticed James’ omnipresence or if his friend had become especially clingy all of a sudden, denying them any chance to be alone. 

This lack of privacy was starting to make Remus second guess his decision making - why he ever thought it’d be a good idea to pretend like him and Sirius weren’t together was beyond him. 

It just so happened that by Monday lunchtime, Remus still hadn’t gotten to spend any time with Sirius at all. That is, with Sirius alone. And he desperately wanted to; he wanted to make sure that it hadn’t been an elaborate daydream after all. Above all, he didn’t care who knew and who didn’t, he simply wanted to _be with Sirius_ instead of acting like he wasn’t thinking about snogging him while trying to listen to James ranting about Snape.

“Oi! You’re not even listening!”

“Huh?” Remus’ distracted eyes slowly focused on James, who was walking beside him.

“Bloody hell, Moons, what is going on with you?”

“Oh, you know me. Existential crises and such.”

“Wouldn’t have anything to do with love, would it?”

“Who’s been teaching you all these strange questions, James?”

“Piss off, you soggy crumpet,” he laughed out. “Answer the bloody question, Moons!”

“No, it’s got nothing to do with love. I was actually just thinking about how fucking clingy you are!” Remus ducked, both boys now chortling, as James tried to flick his nose. “Five points from Gryffindor for assaulting a Prefect!”

“No, no, don’t do it! Lily will get mad at me again! I told her I could go a week without losing points…”

Remus cocked his eyebrow in amusement and then offered, with a shrug: “Five points to Gryffindor because James is really desperate...”

And just then, a very familiar voice spoke behind them: “Hello, gorgeous,” Sirius beamed as he caught up with Remus and James in the Entrance Hall.

“Pads, I know I’m hard to resist but--”

“I wasn’t talking to you, four eyes.” He squeezed himself between the two boys and draped his arm across Remus’ shoulders.

“Unbelievable…” James mumbled after letting out something like a mix between a gasp and a yelp, and quickened his pace towards the Great Hall.

“What happened to keeping us a secret?” Remus arched an eyebrow.

“Oh, my darling… I’ve been flirting with you for months, this is no news to anyone inside this castle.”

“Right... Well, James was asking me if I’m having a love related crisis…” Remus mumbled, determined to not give into a sudden urge to giggle.

“What…”

“He’s onto us.”

“I’m telling you, they’re all used to this. Watch...” Sirius stopped in his tracks in front of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, still holding Remus close; then, he grabbed the boy’s face with his free hand and turned it towards their friends as he addressed them. “Has anyone noticed lately how pretty this boy is?”

“Yes, we’ve known him since we were all eleven,” Frank drawled in monotone. “Now shut up and eat your lunch.”

Remus could swear he saw Lily send a slightest eye roll in their general direction and Peter breathed out something that sounded a lot like ‘bloody hell’. Generally, however, no one really seemed to find Sirius’ behaviour strange.

“Did I miss something?” Remus leaned in close to whisper to Sirius, under the guise of trying to reach for a bowl of mashed potatoes.

“How do you mean?”

“Do they know...about...us?” Remus could feel his cheeks grow warm.

“ _About us?_ ” Sirius repeated rather smuggly. “I don’t know how they would.”

“But… What if I started throwing myself at...Frank? Surely, everyone would think that’s strange?”

“Why would you throw yourself at Frank?!” Sirius whispered back hastily.

“Sirius,” Remus couldn’t tone down his happy smile even if he wanted to as he gazed into his boyfriend’s beautiful face, “shut up.”

“Well, to answer your question,” Sirius spoke quietly as he filled both their cups with coffee. “I’ve been acting like a deranged fool around you for a while now. I think everyone’s made their peace with my behaviours at this point.”

“But...you haven’t...have you?”

“Remarkable, truly remarkable… I literally, specifically chose you at that bloody dare game. Never wondered why, have you then...”

“But…”

“I’ve even spelt it out. Remember that time I was confessing my feelings for you in French while you were falling asleep in my lap like a unicorn baby?”

“I wasn’t in your lap…”

“Is there a Deflection class that you can take here that I don’t know about?” Sirius smirked.

Remus bit down his bottom lip, feeling his heart positively pounding in his chest. He could hardly believe that he really was that lucky, that Sirius fancied him back, that they had this secret now. “Maybe you can do it again sometime,” he whispered feebly into his cup, right before he took a sip.

“What, bore you to sleep?”

“Yes. In French.”

“Oh?”

“For academic purposes, of course.”

“Oh, sure, sure. Whatever you say, gorgeous,” Sirius winked, but Remus merely scoffed with a half-hearted roll of his eyes. “What?”

“Gorgeous? A bit corny, isn’t it?”

“Whatever you say, mon cheri,” Sirius mumbled, his eyelids lowering over his bright grey irises, a dizzy smile crowning his pink lips… “Why won’t they leave us alone?” He nodded slightly in the direction of their friends. “I want to be alone with you.”

“I’m sure that could be arranged,” Remus breathed. “We could meet somewhere after we’re done with lessons?”

“I can’t,” Sirius’ shoulders drooped. “I’ve got a Quidditch practice.”

“What are you two whispering about?” James threw a scrunched up napkin at the two of them.

“Quidditch, unfortunately,” Remus answered, trying not to look too happy, despite the fact that Sirius took his hand under the table.

* * *

“Moony, are you awake?” Sirius breathed out a whisper that could have been mistaken for the sound of a month’s wings.

He had been lying in his own bed: exhausted from the Quidditch practice, irked that James had made them stay out there so late, excited by the memory and the prospect of being with Remus. 

It had been a quiet evening in their dormitory, for when Sirius and James got back, they found Moony asleep on top of his bed, books and quills scattered around him in some sort of a bizarre sacrificial circle. Peter wanted to go to bed early too because he had had a lovers' quarrel (he mumbled something vague about pimples and potions when Sirius asked). James, in turn, tried to show Sirius his plan of action diagrams in preparation of that week’s upcoming game against Hufflepuff so, naturally, Sirius had to pretend to be too tired for it and go to bed as well.

In all honesty, sleep didn’t interest him at all. And when, hours later, in the dead of night, he heard soft, bare footsteps make their way from Remus’ bed to the bathroom and back, he couldn’t stop himself from whispering that question.

“Yeah,” a quiet murmur came back.

Then, a silence stretched. “Can I come over?” Sirius finally asked.

“Yeah,” Moony answered without hesitation.

Sirius soundlessly crossed the room and when he parted the curtain around Remus’ bed to get in, he was surprised to find the boy sitting up on top of his duvet, his back against a pile of pillows, a blue flame floating mid-air, and a book in his lap.

“Hi,” Sirius smiled sheepishly as he made himself comfortable right next to Remus.

“Hi,” the boy beamed back at him.

“Whatcha doing?” Sirius cooed.

“Just finishing a chapter.”

“Is it almost over?” Sirius rested his head on Moony’s shoulder, looking up at the boy. 

“I…” Remus’ breath caught as his eyes focused on Sirius’ face slowly drifting towards his. “I don’t...know…” He stuttered out right before their lips met in a kiss.

Sirius felt nothing short of drunk, as if firewhiskey was coursing through his veins. At first, he was so caught off guard by the intensity and the red heat with which Remus kissed him, that he barely kept a tickled laugh from bubbling out of him. Not only that, he was trying hard to keep from ruining the snogging session with a stupid grin that threatened to stretch across his mouth, but it was near impossible, what with the sensation of Moony’s fingers in his hair. Sirius simply couldn’t remember feeling this way about anyone else, about anyone else’s closeness. 

“D’you know what?” Remus mumbled into Sirius’ mouth mid-kiss.

“What?”

“I think our friendship’s been effectively ruined…”

“Oh…” Sirius’ eyebrows dipped and he lightly planted a kiss on Moony’s lips before speaking, their foreheads resting against each other. “Well that’s alright. We’ve got other friends, haven’t we?” He muttered and plunged right back into the kiss.

He couldn’t have said when or how, but many long, blissful moments later, Sirius was sitting in Remus’ lap, their mouths still locked together, legs wrapping around and hands wandering under their shirts and in their hair.

Eventually, all of the middle-of-the-night excitement turned into progressively more sleepy cuddling. Sirius wondered if there was a cut off time by when he should go back to his own bed -- and hoped that he didn’t have to leave at all. He wanted to fall asleep together, in this tangle of limbs, and he even - albeit ridiculously - reasoned with himself that he should stay in case Moony had a nightmare.

“Why did we waste so much time not doing this?” Sirius mumbled; ‘this’ meaning everything, including Remus’ right hand fingers, lazily coiling a strand of black hair around themselves.

At those words, Remus’ hand stopped momentarily and his face broke out into a sunny smile, one that Sirius had been lucky to have seen a lot of lately. “I don’t know, Padfoot. Why didn’t you yell at me at Three Broomsticks sooner?”

“I should have. I should have yelled at you at Madam Puddifoot's. You wore that green jumper that day…”

“That’s where your bizarre fixation on getting me to pet you started…” Remus smirked.

“Yes. And…” Sirius paused, rolled his eyes at how corny it was going to sound, and then continued, “I’d had a dream about you the night before.”

“Really?” Even in the dim, bluish light, Sirius could see a slight rosy tint colour Remus’ cheeks.

“Yeah. Come to think of it, that turned out to be sort of a prophetic dream. I might be a Seer, Moony!” Sirius cackled, causing Remus to put a hand over his mouth.

“What, did you yell at me in the dream as well?”

“No, but we snogged in the dream,” Sirius mumbled through Moony’s hand and once again, with unmasked enjoyment, watched the boy blush. 

“Wow, is that all I am to you?” Moony sighed dramatically, evidently determined to ignore his cheeks and ears changing colours.

Sirius laughed as he fleetingly remembered a late night conversation with a cat that he’d once had in the common room. As that poor creature would have attested to, if it could have, the answer to that question was a rather long winded speech. “Don’t be ridiculous, Moony,” Sirius said instead with a smile.

“Remembered how I almost hexed Snape that day?” Remus sniggered.

“Yes. And still to this day, that is the most romantic thing that anyone’s ever done for me…” Sirius batted his eyelids. He felt a suffocating kind of happiness inside as he gazed at Moony.

“Well, you did intend on hexing him for calling me your werewolf boyfriend first.”

“Factually incorrect, I wanted to hex him because he called you the M word…”

“It’s pronounced monster.”

“I actually liked the werewolf boyfriend part,” Sirius finished with a smirk, completely ignoring Remus’ remark. 

Remus laughed lightly and Sirius felt another burst of bubbling happiness inside his whole body. He thought that if he could only say it out loud, he’d feel a little less like he was about to float off the bed.

“Moony?”

“Uh-huh?”

Sirius’ parted lips froze - he wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted to say, he just knew that there was something flickering inside, eager to get out, something important. He wished he knew what to say to make Moony understand just how much... _how much what?_ He drew a blank again. Words like ‘fancy’ and ‘care’ and ‘mean’ didn’t have nearly enough gravitas, that Sirius was sure of.

Then, an involuntary grin spread across his face, and if Remus had known to look, he would have seen a glimmer of diffidence in Sirius’ eyes. “You’re very handsome,” was what he said, although what he was itching to say was more along the lines of ‘I love you’. “I should tell you that more often. Because I think it all the time,” Sirius added quietly and by now, his heart was thumping with tangible excitement anyway, because he could finally say these things to Moony, dozens and dozens of things that he wanted Moony to know.

Remus shuffled feebly in the long silence before speaking, “I didn’t feed you love potion, if that’s what you’re alluding to, I swear.”

In fact, if Sirius didn’t know better, he would have been sure he’d been put under some kind of a spell. Ever since the afternoon at Hogsmeade, he felt like whatever doubts or reservations he might have had were all gone. Now, it made perfect sense that he should be with Moony, as if it were always going to happen. 

And as he dove in and across that jumble of thoughts, out of the blue, he knew, clear as day - that happy, excited ache in his chest had to be love, that he needed to shower Moony with it. And he would, he would tell Remus that he loved him, but not right then. Sirius didn’t want him to be caught off guard or to think that his words were flippant, or that maybe he was coming on too strong, too soon, too fast...

“Just take the compliment, Moony,” Sirius chuckled. “It makes you even harder to resist when you act like you don’t know how attractive you are.”

“You got me…” Remus croaked and then cleared his throat, all while Sirius smirked at him. “That’s the secret to irresistibility.”

“Should I not say things like that?” Sirius scrunched his nose. “Is it too weird?”

“No!” Remus assured him hastily. “I mean… Fuck, I don’t know. I guess I didn’t think you’d ever actually fancy me back…”

“Remus…”

“I just need to get used to this...what do you call it? _Happiness_?” He asked with a loud smile smeared all over his words.

“You make me very happy too, Moony.” Sirius involuntarily leaned in a little closer to Remus.

“Er, Pads… I didn’t say that you make me happy…” Remus pulled a bad replica of a clueless face.

“You little gobshite,” growled Sirius, almost dog-like. “Take it back, tell me I make you happy too.”

“You make me happy,” Remus whispered, his eyes locked onto Sirius’. “You always have. Happy, and sometimes completely infuriated, but mostly happy.”

“Good.” Another long, quiet moment passed, and Sirius was starting to get drowsy. “Can I sleep here?” He asked.

“I was going to ask you the same…”


	21. The Long Wait and James’ Exasperation

“Remus!” Suzy, a bespectacled Gryffindor sixth year with enchanted flowers braided into her hair, caught up with him. 

“Hey,” Remus stopped, holding the portrait hole open for her.

“Thanks…” She breathed out as she climbed in with an armful of assorted spellbooks, quills, parchment, and ink bottles. “My bag broke today,” she explained.

“I’m sorry,” he offered a genuine smile. “My bag’s broken once, too. Granted, it was being held by James and Sirius. Who were flying on two separate brooms at the time. So maybe not quite the same...”

Suzy let out a tickled laugh and almost dropped half of her things just then. Remus, however, reacted in time and, with a flick of his wand, lifted all of the weight out of the girl’s arms. “Thanks again,” she beamed.

“No worries. Well, have fun with…” he gently pushed one of the books, floating mid-air, out of the way, “History of Magic,” he said after a glance at the cover. “Ah yes, the class that, six years in, has taught me how to take notes while napping…”

Suzy laughed again, taking over the steering of her possessions with her own wand now. “That’s actually hilariously accurate… Maybe we could work on our homework together sometime, for moral support?”

“I do lead a study group every Thursday… Although lately, it’s been more like every once in a blue moon, whenever we can squeeze it into everyone’s schedules...”

“Maybe you and I can have a private study group then?”

“Er…” Remus stammered while his brain worked to figure out whether Suzy was asking him out or genuinely trying to get some help with homework. For some reason, he thought, the older he got, the harder it was to read anyone. “I’m absolute shite at History of Magic..?” He attempted with a shrug.

“Then maybe I can tutor you some?” 

_Ah…_ It certainly sounded like the girl’s interests spanned beyond homework. A mild panic was setting in as Remus tried to come up with an appropriate response, but nothing came to mind. So he decided to just go for it, as clumsy and awkwardly as he knew it would come out. 

Thing was, Remus never really _came out_ to people. Yes, obviously he had been open about his sexuality with Vincent, and at this point, most (if not all) of his friends had caught on, and, matter of fact, he didn’t care if the whole school knew. He felt like a bit of a freak anyway, what’s another thing to add to the list? He just never went around talking about it. In all fairness, it was probably because he’d gotten used to keeping it to himself at home, with his dad around. He could hardly imagine having that conversation with his family (“Hey dad, guess what? I’m gay!”) so he had sort of pushed that idea aside and moved on altogether. But now, he inhaled deeply in anticipation...

“Suzy... I’m…”

“Alright, I’ll just say it… I just need a couple of bottles of butterbeer and I…”

“...ga-- What?” Remus froze all of a sudden, only his eyelids fluttering in a rapid succession of baffled blinks.

“Did you...just say you’re gay?” Suzy peered at him, looking no less confused than he felt.

“I…er...”

“I knew it,” someone uttered in a group of fifth years flocking around the nearest sofa.

“Nevermind that,” Remus mumbled while wishing to literally die right then and there. “You said you need butterbeer?”

“Ehm, yes. I know that you and your friends know where to get some…” Suzy, very graciously, employed a facial expression determined to ignore Remus’ little outburst.

He hastily assured her that he’d talk to his friends and get some butterbeer for her during their next expedition to a mysterious source that Suzy had no business knowing anything about anyway. Still feeling the burning embarrassment pulsing all the way from the pit of his stomach to the top of his head, Remus turned to run upstairs to put his stuff away and maybe suffocate himself with a pillow while he was at it. Before he could leave the scene of his mortification, however, he was beckoned over by the very giggly duo of Lily and Dorcas.

“Rem, did you just yell ‘I’m gay’ at--”

“Five points from Gryffindor.”

Lily let out a loud gasp that somehow ended with an indignant squeal. “James _told_ me you do that…” She crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips, but didn’t say another word about the topic.

“Welcome to the club, Remus,” Dorcas grinned at him. “I always knew there was a reason I liked you. Straight people can be so...intense sometimes -- no offense, Lily,” she finished with a smirk.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you can’t judge all straight people based on Potter…”

Both Dorcas and Remus cackled at this. “What about you, miss I Hate This Arrogant Toerag But I’ll Still Spend Every Waking Moment Hanging Out Around Him?” Remus tilted his head rather eloquently with a little quirk of his eyebrows.

“Oh! Please! Pshh!” Lily started shuffling around in her seat with an outraged glare.

“That’s what I’ve noticed, too!” Dorcas beamed at Remus. “She can’t get enough of him lately, can she?”

“You think it has anything to do with him being Quidditch captain?”

“Well, straight people _do_ seem to have a thing about sports…”

“Shut up, you idiots!”

“So - and forgive me for being so blunt - Sirius?” Dorcas beamed at Remus, evidently deciding that Lily’s had enough mortification for the time being.

“What about him?”

“Rumour has it, you’ve got the hots for the Black boy?”

“The rumour’s name wouldn’t happen to be Lily, would it?” Remus shot a pointed glance at the girl in question, but Dorcas merely chuckled at it rather dismissively.

“There’s also the fact that everyone in this school has eyes and ears, Remus. And some of us know how to use them, too. Question is, who’s going to make the first move?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

Remus felt a kind of warmth flood over him - against his own logical thought, he couldn’t help but feel pleased to know that other people could see it. “Hard to say,” he mumbled through a grin that refused to be toned down.

“I think it should be you,” Lily stated matter-of-factly.

“How so?”

“Because, obviously, you’re the somewhat more sensible one.”

“I don’t think romance has much to do with sensibility, Lils,” Dorcas leaned back in her seat. “I think it’ll be Sirius. Precisely because he lacks it.”

“What are we, making bets on my life now?” Remus folded his arms over his chest; he only barely resisted the temptation to reference their very secret plan that he wasn’t supposed to know anything about.

“That’s a great idea!” Dorcas cackled at his feigned indignation. 

“All jokes aside,” Lily beamed, “I have a feeling you two will get together soon. It’s Spring, after all. A time for new beginnings.”

“I thought you dropped Divination?” Remus pulled a funny face at her, pretending to be puzzled by her words.

“Yes. But, as Dorcas already pointed out, some of us have functioning eyes and ears.”

“And some of us might even know more than we let on…” Dorcas uttered, a faint smirk curving her lips.

Lily smacked her arm lightly. “Dee!”

“What?”

“What?” Remus echoed, his eyes darting between the two girls.

“Nothing. Dorcas has a strange sense of humour, that’s all.”

“Uh-huh… So anyway, speaking of new beginnings--”

“Oh will you drop it?” Lily cut across him rather sternly. “Even if I did agree to go out with him, so what?” She added quieter.

“Oh? I was going to say, isn’t it strange that the last summer of our Hogwarts years is almost here. But your thing is more entertaining,” Remus shot her a smug grin.

“Remus!”

“What?” He laughed out.

“And she might agree to go out with him sooner than we’d suspect, too.”

“Dorcas!!”

The three of them went on about sensible minds and love and sensible minds in love; mostly courtesy of Lily and Dorcas while Remus was quietly replaying every moment he’d spent with Sirius in the past few days, only occasionally offering a joke or a commentary. This was happiness, he thought. To have friends that cared (enough to devise some sort of a secret plan) and a _boyfriend_ who was one of the best friends he’d ever had and one of the best people he’d ever known. This was happiness - being seventeen and in love and surrounded by good people, and it didn’t even matter that he had just embarrassed himself in front of Suzy and half the Gryffindors.

* * *

Remus looked like there was some kind of a magical glow about him as he sat there - bathed in sunlight streaming in through the high, narrow windows of History of Magic classroom, his chin in his hand, his quill unceasingly taking notes. There certainly was a distinct warm and bright afternoon laziness in the air, which rendered Sirius completely unable to pay the slightest bit of attention to Mr Binns’ monotonous recital of Gargoyle Strike of 1911 facts. 

Instead, his gaze was resting on the side of Remus’ face, quasi-secretly taking in the way the sun glistened in his sand and honey coloured hair, the way that that one scar ran across the bridge of his nose like a vein of ore, the way that his eyelids lowered over his brilliantly green irises, the way his soft, yet always a little chapped lips feebly formed silent words here and there as he wrote them down...

“Sirius, you’re staring.”

“You’re just now noticing?” Sirius purred back at Remus’ whispered observation.

“I was busy taking notes, which you’ll be thankful for later.”

“I’ve been staring at you longer than that.”

“Stop it…” Remus mumbled, quieter now, a slight blush tinting his cheeks and ears, which Sirius noticed to his great delight.

“Surely, you don’t actually mean it, do you?”

“Stop it, Sirius…” He repeated with even less conviction in his voice. 

“What do you think they’re planning? To get us together?” Sirius perked up slightly, genuinely eager to dive into speculation about the topic. In all honesty, anything that had to do with Remus had been his favourite topic lately -- or not so lately.

“I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about it too,” the boy’s eyebrows slowly knit together over his thoughtful eyes. “I can’t imagine anything that would require James and Lily to go on a fake date.”

“You can’t use your own logic for this. We need to think like them,” Sirius grinned.

“Ah yes… We must think like someone who’s gotten hit in the head by a bludger more times than I have fingers.”

“Hey!” Sirius protested and then shrugged apologetically, remembering he was in the middle of a classroom. “ _I’ve_ gotten hit by a bludger too. Read the room, Moony.”

“So you have. That’s why I talk so slowly whenever you’re around,” Remus whispered and gave Sirius a smile that might have been intended as an expression of mischief but in reality looked more flirtatious than anything else.

“And yet,” Sirius leaned in a little closer, speaking a little quieter, feeling a little giddier, “I happen to be where you choose to lay your affections.”

“I never claimed to be perfect…”

“You’re such a tease, Moony.”

“You bring it out of me,” Remus mumbled as he bit down on his lip, evidently determined to bridle his grin. “When do you think they’ll carry out their secret plan?”

“Hm… I don’t know, there’s not really anything special happening anytime soon. The Quidditch game, maybe?”

“But surely, James can’t be on a fake date with Lily if he’s playing Quidditch?”

“Good point. D’you think they’ll fake an injury? That’s probably very likely, statistically speaking.”

“Statistically speaking?” Remus shot him a curious glance. 

“Fake injuries tend to be the driving force of a lot of our successful pranks, don’t they?” Sirius grinned.

Just then, the bell rang throughout the castle and all the students started getting up from their desks and funneling out into the hallways. Sirius and Remus both shoved their belongings into their bags and started heading for the door of the classroom along with their fellow sixth years.

“Why is Suzy McGregor giving you weird looks?” Sirius gently nudged Remus’ ribcage. “What?” He asked when Remus took a deep breath and sighed.

“I yelled at her..?

“You yelled at her?..”

“That I’m gay…”

“You...pardon?”

“I thought she was trying to ask me out…” Remus kept trailing off as he spoke, determined to slowly but surely power through this embarrassing tale, holding his wide glossy gaze straight ahead as they walked out into the corridor.

“But she wasn’t?” Sirius offered curiously.

“She just wanted some butterbeer…”

“But not on a date with you?”

“No. I’m not invited to drink butterbeer with her.”

“Why’d you--”

“She chose very confusing wording to lead with, alright? And besides,” Remus finally met Sirius’ eyes, “it’s not like I don’t ever get asked out by people.”

“I wasn’t trying to imply,” Sirius smiled brightly. “I mean, I asked you out myself, didn’t I? What?” His expression clouded over with a confused kind of smile when Remus laughed.

“I wouldn’t exactly call that asking someone out.”

“Well you should look up the definition of asking someone out because that was _exactly_ it!”

“You asked me to help you with homework. Exactly like you’ve done dozens of times before.”

“If not hundreds. But that’s not the point,” Sirius whispered hastily as they were overtaken by a group of Ravenclaw sixth years. “I’m sure it’s nothing compared to whatever _Vincent_ would have done,” he blurted out without thinking.

“Vincent?” Remus repeated that name as if he’d never heard it before, to Sirius’ vague delight. “What’s he got to do with anything?” He was smiling now.

“I don’t know, you seemed pretty fond of him…” Sirius trailed off this time, unsure where he was going. For some reason, all of a sudden, he simply wanted to know that he was more important and special to Remus than the French git -- which was a ridiculous thought, seeing as they’d been inseparable friends for years.

“I think that’s a bit of an overstatement.”

“It is?”

“Are you jealous?” A big smile blossomed over Remus’ mouth as he uttered the question.

“Should I be?” Sirius shrugged nonchalantly as he thought to himself that he was, he absolutely was.

“Sirius.”

“Remus?”

Without another word (albeit with a roll of his eyes), Moony grabbed Sirius’ hand and swiftly dragged him into the nearest classroom - which conveniently happened to be one that they often counted on to be empty, for it hadn’t been used for lessons in at least two years.

Before he could figure out what was happening, Sirius found himself pinned against a cold stone wall. Remus’ left hand traveled up to touch his face, ever so gently, to rest along his jawline, as he kissed him slowly and deliberately. Sirius was dimly aware of Moony’s other hand holding his, their fingers laced through each other loosely, yet without intention to let go. He couldn’t comprehend how he had spent so many years without being kissed by this beautiful boy like that. 

When Remus pulled away slightly, just enough for their foreheads and noses to still touch, Sirius managed to stammer out, “Moony?”

“Mhm?”

“Where...where did you learn to do this?”

Remus recoiled now, a sheepish smile painted across his beautiful, flushed face. “Sod off, Padfoot.” He turned around on his heel.

“No, I’m serious!” The black haired boy followed him out into the corridor, a giddy grin crowning his own features. “Is this how you kiss other people too?”

“I don’t kiss other people, Sirius…” Remus narrowed his eyes ever so slightly when the other boy caught up with him.

“But in the past!”

“Are you...are you _retroactively_ jealous?”

“Only if you _have_ kissed other people like that,” Sirius mumbled, only half jokingly.

“I don’t know, I’ll have to conduct a survey to see what they have to say.”

“Such a tease,” Sirius smirked at his boyfriend. 

He felt so in love and so happy as they walked towards one of the moving staircases. It almost seemed to him as though there had to be a catch to it, as though complete bliss like this wasn’t meant to be free. But whatever the price could be, all he cared about were those green eyes, full of joy and love.

“Oi, Sirius!” James’ voice bellowed over the excited clamour of the hallways. “I’ve been-- Are you two alright?” His demeanor changed instantly when he approached the two boys.

“Yeah, why?” Remus shrugged while Sirius continued to float in the pleasant haze of his own mind.

“Pads is clinging to your arm… Are you hurt?”

“Oh, that,” Remus chuckled and gently peeled Sirius’ fingers off from around his forearm. To Sirius’ own surprise, however, he couldn’t remember how or when his fingers ended up wrapped around it in the first place. “I think I might have broken him…”

“What did you do?” 

“I, er…”

“I’ll tell you later, Prongs,” Sirius finally rejoined the reality and their conversation. “So what about you and Evans?” He asked, foolishly - and very much aware of it - hoping that he could nudge James and his mysterious plan into motion a little faster.

“What do you mean?”

“When are you going to get together?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t you been telling me to forget about her and get over it at least once a week for the past year?”

“Nonsense! Have you been asking her out lately?”

“No…” James narrowed his eyes.

“You were looking for him?” Remus reminded with a nod towards Sirius.

“Ah, yes… Bad news - Quidditch is postponed until next week.”

“Why?” Sirius attempted to sound somewhat interested in the topic, while in all honesty, he was starting to become impatient about an entirely different thing. 

“There was a break in at one of Hogsmeade shops. The school,” James uttered these words rather contemptuously, “feels it would be unwise to have the overwhelming majority of pupils out in the open grounds so close to a suspected Death Eater attack.”

“How _dare_ the school,” Remus nodded with a solemn expression; a heartwarming attempt at solidarity.

Sirius, in the meantime, was getting lost in his head again. He was thinking about how much he wanted to tell James that Remus kissed him in Hogsmeade. He wanted all his friends to know. And he wanted to hold Remus’ hand all the time and kiss him whenever he wanted. Sneaking around might have sounded exciting in theory, but he didn’t think that now. And not only that - he wanted _everyone_ to know that they were together, he wanted the whole school to see him with Moony and to realise just how much luckier Sirius was than all of them. He wanted all the students to talk about how much they loved each other and what a lovely couple the two made. He wanted the whole staff to be on the lookout for the snogging in the hallways. He wanted to be able to share his intoxicating happiness with everyone and anyone.

* * *

James pushed a couple of second years out of his way as he darted through the portrait hole, into the common room. He threw a half-hearted apology at them, without so much as a glance, as he made a beeline for the far corner of the room, where a collection of old, red velvet clad furniture crowded around the fireplace.

“Why is everyone talking about how Remus Lupin came out as gay in the common room?!” He stopped in front of the boy in question, his hands on his hips, a subconscious mirror of his mother.

“Wh-- _Who’s_ talking about it?” Remus scrunched his nose, his body frozen halfway through a flinch, the book that he had been reading now lying face up in his lap.

“Who’s...he’s asking me who’s…” James muttered bitterly. “My sources, alright?”

“Your sour--”

“Why am I, _once again_ , forced to learn about things like that from other people?!”

“I didn’t--”

“How do you think that makes me _look_!?”

“I--”

“Makes me look like a bad friend, Remus! Do _you_ think I’m a bad friend?”

“No…”

“Then why wouldn’t you tell me before you start going around telling the whole school?”

“I didn’t--”

“Nevermind that, I have to go send an owl to my parents to stop asking you about girlfriends.”

“Oh, it’s really alright, they’ve only asked a handful of times--” Remus mumbled feebly, obviously very confused by James’ outburst.

“A handful too many!”

“Prongs, it’s hones--”

“They might start pestering you about boyfriends though…”

“That’s...that’s fine with me, James,” Remus smiled brightly out of the blue.

“Hm, I’ll think about it… Either way, I need to ask for more of mum’s flapjack…”

“You do that, James.”

“I hope you didn’t not tell me that you’re gay because you thought I’d do something ridiculous, like disapprove or give a broom riding fuck at all, honestly. Unless you started fancying me...you _know_ my heart belongs to Evans.”

“I know, James,” Remus was positively radiant now.

“Good. Right. I’ll go send that owl then. Jaffa Cakes?” James lingered on the spot.

“That’d be lovely. Send your parents my love.”

“Will do. Sorry for raising my voice,” he added after a moment’s consideration.

“That’s quite alright.”

“Let me know if anyone gives you grief about it.”

“Thanks, James,” Remus beamed at him, at which he nodded and turned around on his heel.

Now that he’d gone through with the confrontation, his mind was catching up with what had happened - he had overheard a handful of Gryffindors talking about Remus and how he had told Suzy McGregor that he’s gay. Of course, James was aware of Remus’ sexuality, he just never talked to him about it - he wanted to give his friend all the time and space he needed rather than force him to come out if he wasn’t ready. And when he heard those kids talking about it, he couldn’t help but feel hurt; hurt that Remus didn’t feel like he could talk to James, perhaps?

And - just like most things James would get riled up about - now it turned out to not be a big deal at all. Once he paused to think about it, James realised that more than anything, he was worried that Remus would feel like he needed to hide his sexuality just like he’d been hiding his lycanthropy. And if that ever turned out to be the case, he silently swore to himself to do anything he could to make Remus feel like he didn’t have to be ashamed about any part of his wonderful existence.

As James was crossing the common room, deep in thought, he almost walked right past Sirius, who had just descended from the dormitories. 

“Were you aware that Remus is, in fact, very much not straight?” James grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. 

“Er…” Sirius briefly stared off across the room before returning his gaze to James’ face. “Vaguely.”

“As in, he’s very much gay.”

“Uh-huh…”

“Did he already tell you!?” James gasped.

“Not exclusively, no.”

“Well? Aren’t you happy about it?!”

“Oh! Yes, very!” Sirius nodded a tad too vigorously.

“Do you not fancy him anymore?” James screwed up his face in confusion. He’d been finding himself growing more and more exasperated lately; he couldn’t figure out why his two friends were being such idiots and was beginning to put more and more stock into Lily and Peter’s plan.

“Oh no, I do. I very much do.”

“Why won’t you just tell him?!” James whispered hotly, gesturing his arms around.

“Oh, you know,” Sirius shrugged, “because we’re friends and all that jazz, I guess.”

“Are you sure you still fancy him?”

“Yes. Aren’t you?”

“You haven’t been whining about him lately.”

“I don’t whine, excuse you,” Sirius puffed out his chest dramatically.

At this, James let out an amused laugh. “Sure. You want to walk to the owlery with me?”

“Uh…” Sirius stared off again. “I needed to talk to Remus, actually. About the study group thing...”

“You know, if the boy doesn’t figure out that the only reason you attend his study groups is so that you could stare at him, then maybe I’ve overestimated his intelligence…”

“How dare you,” Sirius popped his eyes in another facetious gesture. “I care about my education, that’s all.”

“Mhm.” James arched his eyebrows and watched Sirius walking away for a few moments before continuing on his way.

Some thirty minutes later, James was back at the portrait hole, giving the Fat Lady the password, when Lily caught up with him.

“Potter,” she nodded with comical gravitas.

“Evans,” he mirrored her. “Coming back from a Dorks Anonymous meeting?” He cast a glance at the stack of books in her arms.

“Is that your new seduction tactic?” She squeezed past him, through the portrait hole into the common room.

“Is it working?”

Lily opened her mouth, as if about to say something, but then just laughed, melting James’ heart just a tad more.

“Say, have you noticed anything strange about Remus and Sirius?”

“Yes, actually,” she stepped aside, out of the way of people climbing in and out the common room entrance, and turned to James. “I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but they seem to have started acting a lot less...annoying?”

“Yes!” James grabbed Lily’s shoulders excitedly and gave her a light shake. “Sirius hasn’t been whining...at all, really. ”

“And Remus isn’t staring at Sirius with that pining look at mealtimes. In fact, I saw him hand feed Sirius at lunch the other day.”

“I’ve seen Remus braid Sirius’ hair at least three times this week.”

“I’m so confused… Why won’t they just get it over with and get together?”

“You know, I’m starting to think your plan will prove to be a necessity…”

“Oh, interesting.” Lily shuffled her weight on one foot and raised an eyebrow as she shot him a sly smirk. “I seem to remember you calling it a waste of our time.”

“Can’t hurt to try, can it?” James shrugged defensively, trying not to stare at her lips too obviously as he did.

“Well, we’ve just got a couple more weeks before the next Hogsmeade trip. We’ll have to start thinking about how to fake this date,” Lily grimaced.

“I do have feelings, you know. You could at least pretend to not be repulsed by the idea,” James pouted.

“I’m not! That’s not what I mean…”

“I’m just yanking your wand, Evans,” he chuckled and fell into step beside her when she started for their usual corner of the common room. 

Before they even reached their friends, they exchanged very eloquent looks at the sight of Sirius perched up on the armrest of Remus’ chair - they seemed to have formed a new habit of sharing a seat whenever they could get away with it (anytime they weren’t in class). 

“Sirius,” Lily squinted at him, “are you wearing Remus’ sweater vest?..”

James’ eyes darted to Sirius, his face screwing up in a horrible realisation that he had somehow missed that detail up until then.

“This?” Sirius tugged at the hem of it. “Yep.”

“But…” James peered at him. “You always make fun of it. You _hate_ it, don’t you!?”

“ _Hate_ it!? Dear Merlin, of course I don’t hate it.”

“I’ve literally heard you describe this exact piece of clothing as a ‘poor shoe shiner child’s uniform’, multiple times.”

“Dragondung, I would never say that.”

“No, actually,” Remus interjected with a very indulgent smirk, lowering his book in his lap, his index finger marking the page, “I too remember you saying those exact words.”


End file.
